Life at a loss

[Jasoncmor]

Hi all

I'm a long time lurker here, and just rarely post anything, but I thought with a huge online community I could open up a bit about my situation and hopefully get some insight, with the experience and knowledge that many of you will have gained.

So basically, I am at a loss on what to do with my life. I'm 30 in a few months time and I have nothing to show for myself, I'm the guy that helps everyone but doesn't know what to do for myself.
I have thought about what I would like to do for years, job searched, read articles, done online tests etc and just not really had any inspiration and found anything I really want to get into.

I started my working life working for a small IT shop, that dealt with new builds & upgrades, repairs and sales, started working part time while I finished college and then became full time. I was there for 3 years and I enjoyed it, but then started to lose interest.
So my second job, I was a laborer, I worked for a friends company and they were general builders so did most things, electrical, plumbing, kitchens, bathrooms, patios etc etc. The job only lasted around 6 months as the company went bankrupt so i was left without a job.

So after this had happened, I had some friends within the church I attended at the time, 2 were builders and the other 2 starting up a property business, so I worked with them for a while renovating some houses, which i enjoyed also.

After this, I was desperate for a full time job and a friend of mine got me a job at my local McDonald's, and this is where I feel things went down hill. After I finished college, I had planned to take a year out and then go back to do an electrician course, that never happened, full time work took over and I lost track of going back into education, I also got myself into a lot of debt, which was my own fault for frivolous spending, and not asking for anything back when I had to pay stuff out of my own pocket, fuel, food out etc.
So due to drowning in debt, I got comfortable with things, hoping things would get better, but obviously, it doesn't work like that, so after years of just paying the minimum payments and living in my O/D I finally got help and my parents lent me the money to pay off everything, I just now owe them the money which I pay back.

I worked up to 1st Assistant manager, but didn't really like the job, as I was there to just earn money to pay my bills, but being the nice person I am, i helped everyone and did more work than I was actually paid to do, which was physically and mentally draining, I liked the people I worked with but couldn't stand the job.
Unfortunately I stayed there for almost 10 years just working away, earning money to pay the bills and I just felt trapped, and I wanted out for so long but just couldn't pluck up the courage to firstly leave, but every time I looked for another job, I just couldn't see how I could get into that job due to the requirements, so I just become part of the furniture I guess at mcd's.

After nearly 10 years of being there, the only way out was to move away which would force me to get out and get a job in the new area, so I moved 100 miles away with my partner to start a new life together, as she had just finished uni and it just felt the right thing to do.

So in the new area I started looking for jobs and applying for anything that looked interesting, tried for a lot of assistant manager jobs with in retail and the food industry, but didn't even hear back from 99% of them.
I finally got a job for a well known motor factors, as a delivery driver covering the south west, so spend most of my days on the motorway. Its a step back and very boring and easy but I'm wanting to do something with myself now.

Now, the thing is, whilst I was at McD's, I learnt a lot of skills in my own time, and I had a couple of part time side "businesses", I used to fix iphones, ipads and other smart devices & laptops for people I knew, and word spread fast around the work place, and then friends of friends, so I never advertised anywhere, It was just word of mouth that got me fixing this stuff for people, also had an online "business" for a while too which was interesting.

I also learn't a lot about mechanics, so am very confident in maintaining and repairing things on cars, i'm not a professional but would call myself a competant DIY mechanic, this also led to me fixing peoples cars for them, people would always come to me with a problem and I would always have a solution and would then repair the car for them.

I also did some building work whilst I was at home at my parents home, room conversion, an outhouse, a custom built shed, to name a few.

I enjoyed doing all this stuff, and there is loads more that I enjoy doing, like gardening, cooking, DIY, but every time I think about whether I could do this stuff for a living, I really don't fancy the idea of it, so i'm continually at a loss as to what I should do, as i don't feel like I should pursue it as a job / career.

But i also want a job / career that has a fair work / life balance, I currently work 6 days a week, and by the time ive got home in the evenings, there isn't much time to do very much which is always really depressing as I like making things, or playing a game on my pc, but i just dont have the time or energy to do it to enjoy it.

I've built up loads of tools aswell for each area that i gained skills in, so like diy tools, gardening power tools, mechanic tools etc, but they are just a waste now as they dont get used currently.

I'm just stuck in a loop aswell at the moment where I'm trying to earn money to pay for a life that I want, but i'm spending all my time working that I can't enjoy life.

So I guess my question is, how do you figure out what you want to do in your job / career ?

I've considered doing a traineeship they call it at https://itcareerswitch.co.uk/it-technician-traineeship/ to study from home and get back into IT, i've also considered going back to night college to do the electrician course I always wanted to do, but I just feel completely lost on what to do.
I don't even know if I want to get back into IT.

Help !!!

Apologies for the long post, i hope it all makes sense.
Thanks for taking the time to read.

Cheers, Jason

 

[Jasoncmor]

Hi guys
Thank you both for your replies.
I have watched that Alan watts speech many many times, and I just have a really good think about it and still not sure what I come up with.
If I was to win the lottery, i would take time out from working, pay off my parents, have a holiday, then go to college, and do the electrician course, ultimately I would really like to be a property developer or similar, but even if that was possible, its very far off!

Currently though, with money, I've never earn't loads to be honest, currently only on just over £20k, and for what I need, its fine, I can survive on it no issues, but doesn't leave me a lot of leeway for saving lots for example, I'm not really sure if there is a point in your life where you can say you are well off / comfortable, and save the right amount.
If I could get another job with around the same pay, i'd be happy, I'm currently not really needing much more.

The problem I see with my previous experience in IT is it was over 10 years ago that I was working there and things have changed, I've more than likely lost touch of it now, but I still keep track of hardware releases etc.

With my management experience, I did apply for a lot of management jobs in my area, and didn't hear back from 99% of them and the problem I have is i'm not the most confident of people.
A few other problems I always see is when looking for a job, they say you must have experience in this that and the other, or certificates for this and that so it always just seems like the job is so far out of reach, and how are you mean't to get experience if you can't get a job doing it in the first place ?

Also, how are you mean't to go for interviews when you work full time?
Do businesses generally allow people to leave to go for an interview? It just seems like a trap to me

I got talking to a colleague of mine this evening and he is in a similar boat and the same age as me and has applied to a local college to study to become a plumber, on an evening course, and he has given me some details which I will look into, so that could be 1 step for my future, it would take 2-3 years to complete so that just leaves me working out what to do in the mean time as I would like to do a job I enjoy, but would also have something to fall back on, assuming I did study to become an electrician and it didn't work out for example.

I appreciate your time and help guys, and I hope I'm making sense lol, im just putting thoughts into words.

Many thanks
Jason

 

[Jasoncmor]

If you're really interested in moving into becoming an electrician could you look at apprenticeships? If you were to work 40 hours p/w as an apprentice being over 21 the base is £15.5k by the looks of it. Given you work 6 days a week and seemingly a lot more hours than that at the moment you could probably supplement to not far off your current rate by taking some additional part time shifts as a second job?

Failing that there are companies that will offer apprenticeships at above the base rate, they'll be sought after but you have a lot to offer above some 16-18 year old college leaver.

I don't know a lot about this subject at all but I'm just spitballing for you here to give some ideas.

I echo what others say about JDs too, you're not trying to be the perfect candidate, you just need to be in the top 4-10, and a lot of the time they're shooting for the moon in terms of what they can actually expect to get in the door. Equally you don't need to have direct experience to tick something off. I don't have any experience of managing a large team for instance, but I could get some way towards meeting that requirement through my experience in managing projects and stakeholders, the skills are somewhat transferable. Have a think about your private life, your hobbies, challenges you've had and try to apply life experience as well.

I just want to say, when I read through your OP I didn't think to myself "wow this guy has nothing to show for himself" I thought "that is some diverse experience right there". So don't be so down on yourself buddy.

Thanks for your reply FortuitousFluke - Its much appreciated.
I am very interested in becoming an electrician, I am not sure yet if / when / how its gonna happen, but i'm putting a lot of work into looking at the best way to go about it, whether its night college, apprenticeship and I have some contact details of somebody who works at a local college, so I will be getting in touch with her shortly to see the options I have with them, and hopefully be able to ask some questions too.
Thank you very much for your kind words on the last sentence, a problem I have is that I find things easy, whether thats before I do them, or once I've taught myself how to do it, so then I get bored of it. I guess I'm just looking for a real challenge that is also rewarding.

 

[Jasoncmor]

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Thanks for your reply randomshenans, its much appreciated.

So, compared to you, i didn't really apply for that many jobs, I applied for maybe management 30 jobs, I just kept looking, applied and waited for a response, and it did get disheartening not hearing back, I even found a perfectly matched job with what I already did in Mcd, I was feeling pretty hopeful about the job aswell, and I didn't even get an interview, just got rejected after a couple of months, I couldn't believe it!
With the job requirements etc what are you mean't to say if you get an interview and they bring up a particular point that they want experience in, but you don't have it? I remember having an interview for the nhs IT department that made databases a number of years ago, i had basic experience of making databases and I had an interview with 2 guys who I felt absolutely grilled me on how to make a database, how to do this, that and the other, i struggled with some of the questions, and suffice to say I felt like I had failed the interview and didn't get the job in the end. I guess that knocked me back abit.

I'm certainly working on my confidence and vocal skills, and hope to be there one day lol.
I do worry and overthink things a lot, i guess that is anther one of my problems.

Thanks for the insight into JD's and job stuff, Its not really something i've ever been told or even learn't, having not changed job very much its all very new to me and its actually a real great help, so thank you, it is really much appreciated

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Thanks malachi for your reply aswell, it is also very much appreciated.

I feel like I have replied above to your comments

 

[Jasoncmor]

Haha

I'm 44. I own a specialist pathology courier business with 40+ drivers and two licenced restaurants....And I still don't know what I want to do for a career........

Unless your in a specific profession (dentist,Lawyer etc) then I don't think you should choose before trying. I was a late bloomer I didn't start my own company until I was well into my 30's. But working for yourself is tough. Working for yourself and having the responsibility of people relying on you to provide work for them so they can pay their mortgages adds another layer on top.

Their is a saying somewhere about finding a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.
Thats easier said then done though.

Thanks for your reply.
Having a company with employees is not really something I'd like tbh, although I did dream about having a restaurant previously.
But overall, I'd be happy just doing my own thing, but I don't know what to do right now.
I've heard that saying before, I pretty much agree with the statement, I see a job as being a chore, where if you are doing what you enjoy, you are being in essence paid to play.

 

[Jasoncmor]

Well in that instance it sounds like the Db experience was a must have for them, so having someone super clued up was a priority. Often this isn't the case for everything, and things that can be more important are team fit and softer skills. Having interviewed a lot of people, the common theme is that people try and answer the question even if they have no idea about the answer. I'd much prefer someone to say "I don't know the answer to that specific question, but the way I'd approach finding it would be..." your ability to learn, assess and problem solve are very high ranking on peoples' lists for most positions. That can often rank higher than someone simply with knowledge but doesn't demonstrate the above.

From my experience anyway!

Feel free to post what you're looking at JD wise and also your CV. I'm not the best CV writer but we have some great people in here!

Thanks again for your reply.
I will certainly post parts of my cv soon, thanks.

Funny thing was, when I was at mcd, one of my roles was recruitment, there was no training for this per say, just a script of stuff to ask for and to ask etc, from what I have experienced when I have been interviewed its completely different lol.
The example you just mentioned also about being honest if I didn't know something is definately something I will keep in mind, really helpful, and tbh its what I do when I want to know something, or need help with stuff anyway.

 

[Jasoncmor]

Well getting a trade/getting into property development (in some capacity) is feasible at least and frankly you don't need to be a lottery winner to renovate and flip houses for example, especially if you get into the industry and build up a load of contacts of mates with different trades etc... While it isn't full on property development it is at least a similar interest.

Sounds like training to be an electrician could be a good move.

You could look at other options too like if you trained as a surveyor then you could have a stable, reasonably well paid profession that is also aligned with that interest. AFAIK you can achieve that via an apprenticeship or via an accredited university course.

Thanks for your reply

Thing is, I enjoy doing a lot of stuff myself and I rarely ever ask for help, I just get on with things, learn how to if needs be and just get on with it, I possess a lot of skills and i guess that makes me happy that I know loads of stuff, but then also useless at the same time as I'm not using those skills to do anything with. Funny thing a surveyor, just after a started my current job, a recruitment agency was very keen to get hold of me, multiple phone calls and emails and job description of a trainee surveyor, unfortunately the money was far too low that I couldn't even consider it.


Confident with regards to your skillset? Or confident as in social interactions?

Confidence with my social interactions. If im on my own, I speak very confidently, i'm at ease with what I'm saying, and as soon as I speak to someone, I go incredibly shy, i stutter and stammer with my words, even ,mumble and I could even revise what I needed to say to somebody for hours and i'd still get it wrong when I tell them. I've always felt like I don't "fit in" so when i'm in a group of people could be talking about trivial subjects, like sport, some tv show they watched, something they have seen, just crap really and it just never interests me, but I always feel awkward around people as I feel like an "outsider" and I just struggle with communicating with them.

My parents have always said I was smart, people who I met at mcd who started to find things about me or people who I helped would always say "why do you work here when you're smart" or "you can do so much better", but I never saw it in myself and I guess I felt I was in a rut, wanting to do something for myself, something I enjoy, but not having the motivation to do it nor understanding how I could get out and do something I wanted.

Ref the social side of things - where do you live? Near a big city at all? I'd suggest taking a beginner acting or improv course. Honestly there are so many people out there who can't even sit or stand properly - have poor posture etc.. become poor at communicating, start getting in their head, can't look others in the eye etc... etc... lots of this can be solved.

I'm not suggesting a single short course would completely change you in the space of a few weeks, though would likely give you some pointers that help with presentation etc.. but if you liked a beginner course and they had more available then taking a few could almost certainly improve things.



If you tick most of the boxes then I wouldn't worry about not meeting all requirements, might well be that no candidate ticks all the boxes.

I'm a little bit unsure what to make of the comments from some people that they've applied for so many positions, that does sound like they've either been very unlucky and all those places were swamped with candidates or perhaps a good portion of those positions there were requirements they didn't meet and the hiring manager did deem them to be rather important requirements.

Do keep in mind that there are other means to get a job than just applying via a recruitment portal or replying to adverts - people don't like recruiters much but often if they think you're suitable for a role they're working on then the next step is to just to arrange a phone call or an interview with the hiring manager... don't need to worry about sending in some application to be filtered by HR etc... I'm not sure that is so applicable to the construction industry, though if you go back to IT then do make use of them.

Likewise meetup.com groups, linkedin etc.. (again perhaps more relevant if you were to get back into IT). Even online forums, I had one of my first interviews in London as a result of a forum related to that industry - I got another interview at a rival firm by just phoning them and asking to speak to a particular manager.



Ideally you have a phone interview first - just nip out at lunch, hopefully if you get through that then you're a serious prospect for the job and you can perhaps consider taking a half day off work etc.. could just book it as holiday. It is always worth asking if they can schedule an interview early in the morning or late in the evening, companies know that you can't always get time off. You can of course have a dentist appointment, but there are only so many times you can go to the dentist/doctor tbh... (and if you're caught lying then it really isn't good at all). If you live in a big city then Lunchtime interview could work, likewise if you get a morning interview and are at all flexible with your hours then just come in late.

Do you normally wear a suit and tie to work? If you work in an environment where it is a bit of a mix of business casual and suit/tie then it is worth wearing a suit and tie every so often regardless, then when you suddenly need to suit up one day for a lunchtime or morning interview it doesn't look immediately suspicious/out of place.

I don't currently wear a suit and tie, but I did spend 7 years at mcd when I become management wearing shirt, trousers, tie, so I'm used to looking smart.

 

[Jasoncmor]

If you need to improve your confidence there are plenty of videos on YouTube on how to do this. Read a few books too, which helped me a lot.

I have watched a few videos over the years and read some articles, but can't remember what was said in them, but I do research into a lot of self help techniques.

 

[Jasoncmor]

I mainly follow this guy call Jason Capital, he main talks about business and success now but he has a few videos about confidence. Here is one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxz1f0xeR00

He also released a book back in 2017, I think he's still giving the PDF away for free.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Higher-Sta...619615991/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Plenty of stuff in the book about eye contact, how you such conduct yourself in a face to face interview.

Thanks for that, I will check his content out.

 

[Jasoncmor]

I have included snippets of my CV, whilst trying to keep some anonymity.
The majority of it is there apart from a few personal details, and education.

I've not yet updated it to include my current role.

Profile

A diligent, honest and reliable individual, who likes to be challenged and to have the opportunity to learn and put new skills to use. I enjoy working with others and have the ability to work efficiently both within with a team and as a team leader. I complete all tasks to the best of my abilities and relish any opportunities to enhance my skills. I am also aware of my limitations and know when I need to seek guidance and advice in order to ensure the best possible outcomes.

Assistant Manager at McDonald’s <town>: October 2008 – July 2018

§ I was employed as an Assistant Manager at a busy McDonalds Restaurant. The restaurant is in a particularly popular location and so I am required to work proficiently while under pressure, often working long hours or overtime, depending on the needs of the business.

§ Primary responsibilities include: training new staff members and providing ongoing training for longer-serving and more senior staff; cash procedures and management, both internal and external; repair and maintenance of business equipment; recruitment and interviewing of prospective employees; scheduling management of over 100 employees; providing customer service and conflict resolution. I also have several secondary responsibilities depending on the day’s requirements.


Labourer at "X" Building Contractors: March 2007 – September 2007

§ I was employed as a labourer for a local building company that specialised in all types of building projects and maintenance tasks.

§ I assisted in all areas of the job which required close attention to detail, and production to be of the highest quality, with every job being unique and requiring a new perspective.

§ Primary responsibilities included: construction work (including fences, patios, internal rooms etc.); electrical work; plumbing; daily maintenance of several buildings and businesses.


Technician at "computer shop": March 2004 – March 2007

§ I was employed as an IT technician for "computer shop, who dealt with the building of new systems and repair of older computer systems and other electronics. Additionally, the role also included dealing with customers, including local businesses and sales on a daily basis.

Primary responsibilities included: repair of computers and other technology; cash procedures and management, both internal and external; providing customer service and conflict resolution; managing urgent customer care phone lines; management and care of large amounts of expensive electrical equipment; receiving and checking deliveries; checking product validity and quality.

Education

OCR Qualifications

§ Level 2 in adult numeracy

§ Level 2 in adult literacy

Bournemouth & Poole College

§ BTEC National Diploma in Electrical/Electronic Engineering triple grade: Merit Pass Pass

Queen Elizabeth School

§ 6 GCSEs: grades C-D, including English, Maths, and ICT



Hobbies & interests

In my free time I am a frequent gardener, and love to grow fresh produce which I use in trying out new recipes for family and friends. I am particularly interested in a broad range of technologies, and enjoy building models, playing computer games, and keeping up with new technological advances. I love to drive and work on maintaining my car, as well as exploring new improvements for it. I enjoy challenging myself to learn new skills, researching the ins and outs of any chosen subject in order to expand my knowledge. I also enjoy spending a lot of my time helping others where I can, which can include repairing their electronic devices, cars etc. Whenever possible, I like to spend time socialising with friends and family.

 

[Jasoncmor]

Does anyone know if it would be a good idea to include my part time business fixing phones, ipads and pcs as part of my CV ?

 

[Jasoncmor]

Only if it's relevant, that goes with most bits of the CV, focus the CV to the job role you are going for. You can list other jobs with no (or little) description if you don't want a gap in the time line... Having things like diligent, honest and reliable in the profile is a bit of a waste of time imo - no one is ever going to claim otherwise on those traits!

Thank you for your reply.
Do you have examples of other traits that could be used? I am useless at writing a CV

 

[Jasoncmor]

I think that is missing the point a bit - his comment doesn't just apply to the specific traits you've listed.

I mean everyone can write a few lines of fluff on their CV telling the world they're hard working and dedicated and [insert good thing here] etc..etc... it is rather meaningless if unsubstantiated.

I mean if you want to include some stuff to show off a bit then perhaps back it up with some real examples.

re: the computer business, I guess you could mention it, but depending what you're aiming the CV at it might be relevant work experience or it might be more hobbies/interests... which again no one really cares too much about unless you've done something really impressive or perhaps you have a hobby that is shared by one of the interviewers, which might work in your favour when they're getting to the final round and are mostly just considering "will this candidate fit in, would I want to work with him/her?" etc..

Thanks for your reply dowie.
Thanks for clearing that up, it makes a lot of sense, but then is a "profile" pointless on a cv? and what would you replace it with? just work experience?

Cheers

 

[Jasoncmor]

How about renovation? Houses? Flats?

Thanks for your reply Delvis.
That is what I would like to do, eventually, I think I need to work on a few things first and look into the area a bit.

 

[Jasoncmor]

I understand that I guess, but, if you don't take leaps sometimes, you can't step in the right direction.

Maybe look into some auctions, some small flats that needs a bit of tlc. ObcioObvi that costs money, but may as well look into it

Fully agree with you on that, my main issue at the moment is getting enough money to be able to do that sort of thing.
I have the tools and experience to be able to do most of the work, just money is the big factor.

 

[Jasoncmor]

Aye, get reading I guess

Maybe goto some auctions, see how it works,talk to a few people's ? Dunno, just saying what comes to mind! Hope it works out

I will keep all that in mind, many thanks for your suggestions, much appreciated

 

[Jasoncmor]

The key thing to get right is to see if you can do something you are really passionate about. If you love your work, it's doesn't feel like working.

Make a note of when you are really happy doing something, and getting a buzz from it. Then, think whether there is a viable career to be made from it.

Also, like me, you have a lot of interests. You need to focus on one to three which have career potential. Allow yourself a set amount of time to think of them, say 1 month, then start to focus. Otherwise, you will waste your life.

Make a spreadsheet of possible career choices, and then rank them all in order of preference. Allow yourself a month, then focus on the best two to gain employable skills.

Many thanks for your reply.

The more thought I put into all of this, the more i feel doing manual work, building things etc, when I'm able to use my head, and create something in my mind and then just go ahead and make it, that is when i'm "in the zone" its the place I like to be in where i'm using my hands, being creative etc.

 

[Jasoncmor]

House/ property development seems to be where you want to be, but it's not something you can do without a bit of cash behind you for that first step right? So, break that down into steps. You need to be able to save some cash up... but also a trade could be useful in this element of property development too? Could you start working / looking for opportunities in that area, which could lead to a better pay and skills that would help you stock pile some cash/ skill up for your ultimate aim?

Just throwing ideas around here. Often I find when something seems too far off, or too big of a challenge, breaking it down makes it easier to find a way there.

Thanks for your reply, you make perfect sense, and I think I should do something manual.

I am currently talking to my local college and am almost certain I want to go for an electrician course, I always wanted to do it, but started working full time, put it off for too long then the fear of how am i going to fund this, and how am i going to get back into it took over, If I don't do it now, I think i'll regret it, so I think its a good move.

I will let you all know what happens when I finish talking with the college.

Many thanks everyone for your help
Much appreciated

 

[Jasoncmor]

FWIW an after hours tradey is something people really want these days, myself included. If you can spare the extra time to do 2 hours per evening leckying or plumbing you'll have a captive market.

A lot of people like myself can't take time off to let people in to do work, and the plumber I've had for my last bit of work has been doing it for an extra hour each night and it has worked out really well.

I understand you'd need to get qualified first and obviously keep a good work/life balance but out of hours work suits so many people these days.

I do like your thinking and appreciate your reply.
Having worked in a 24 hour restaurant, and working loads in my spare time, it would definately suit me and I can certainly see the appeal if someone did work out of hours. With working hours ever increasing within our society and people having less time it all does make sense

 

[Jasoncmor]

So, after a lot of thought and consideration, I have recently applied to go back to college to do an evening electrician course, I think they start the process in May so I have a short while until I hear back, I have the right grades/qualifications already which is a bonus so that means I don't need an assessment.
I decided to apply for it now rather than put it off any longer, and hopefully I will enjoy it, I still feel unsure about if it's what I want to do, or if it's the right thing, but I guess time will tell.

Cheers