Soldato
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Yup. I suspect my wife tells me numerous white lies though
Little white lies to your wife
- Thread starter BUDFORCE
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Yup. I suspect my wife tells me numerous white lies though
Quick skim of his post history suggests it was probably around the £200 mark.
I think for me, the acceptability of this sort of behaviour is related to why he's done it in the first place. If it's because they're extremely financially comfortable and £60/£200 makes no odds but £200 will get him a bit of mick taking from the wife for being a big child with expensive toys then probably not much harm. On the other extreme, if he's hiding it because money is tight and she'll flip out about why he's bought a £200 toy car when they're saving up for a new washing machine they need, that's a totally different matter.
True enough, if money is tight then that's not on regardless of spend.
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Have a deal with my mates that if and when we die we swoop in and help out selling bikes, cars, guns and any other man toot. It would be criminal to let her sell them for what I told her I bought them for.
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Why do you have to say what you’re buying? Can’t you just buy what you want? “I bought a toy car for £250”
“Oh ok then”
life goes on.
If there are huge issues with that or a vice versa scenario then you need to wonder whether you’re being controlling and coercive in your relationship.
(Unless you’re having financial hardship and it’s the modern day equivalent of that scene where the man comes home to a starving family whose wife asks where’s the money and he says “I drank the money”)
“Oh ok then”
life goes on.
If there are huge issues with that or a vice versa scenario then you need to wonder whether you’re being controlling and coercive in your relationship.
(Unless you’re having financial hardship and it’s the modern day equivalent of that scene where the man comes home to a starving family whose wife asks where’s the money and he says “I drank the money”)
The problem arises when the wife/partner has other ideas about how the money should be spent. "We need X, we need Y, the money should go on that instead" etc. Then the husband says "yes dear" to keep her quiet [because arguing goes nowhere] and then ends up lying about his spending.
This is why it's important to have your own spending pot that you can use without impacting family finances.
I have always been honest with my partner, don't see the point in not telling her about a big purchase, or similarly for other items. What's the point in lying? It only puts the relationship in danger, if you get caught.
Any big purchases I discuss with her. She understands that computers are my hobby and occasionally will spend some money buying a new one. Having said this, I'm not as bad as some people; I built my PC last summer, and the previous one lasted me 10 years (with a couple of second hand GPU upgrades). Similarly I understand she likes clothes and shoes, so when she shows me something she likes, even if I think she's got loads, I tell her to buy if she likes something and that's that.
Any big purchases I discuss with her. She understands that computers are my hobby and occasionally will spend some money buying a new one. Having said this, I'm not as bad as some people; I built my PC last summer, and the previous one lasted me 10 years (with a couple of second hand GPU upgrades). Similarly I understand she likes clothes and shoes, so when she shows me something she likes, even if I think she's got loads, I tell her to buy if she likes something and that's that.
Yea I know, mine probably does too but it's not a lie for a lie. I do think that the female of the species are a bit more natural than the guys at lying though.
I'm not saying that's bad I just think that they see it as a more acceptable way to conduct themselves. The traditional house wife of the old days would almost have to keep the husband happy
. Anyway, that's another discussion altogether but in my life experience the girls are much more susceptible to a lie than a guy
Yeah, a white lie is basically a lie told for the benefit of the person who it's being told to. In OP's situation it sounds more like a lie to stop his wife getting annoyed at spending so much money. Whether she'd be justified in being annoyed is a different matter, but it's not a white lie.
Knowing how and when to tell white lies is a very useful skill for anyone with a partner.
Yeah, when i reworked our budgets around 18 months ago, i gave us each a "spends account". So all money goes into a joint account from which bills/savings/general stuff is paid out of. Then we trasfer out £250 each a month for ourselves.
If we want something expensive or extravagant then we can use that. I've found it works well as when we had fully joint money, i'd feel bad spending £1k on a new paddle board or £500 for the new xbox because my wife doesn't really spend much so it felt unfair. She was ok with me spending it, but it was me that made myself feel wasteful.
The difference is that she now has a spends pot with loads of money in it and mines always empty
Man of Honour
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I generally just say 'it's best not to ask' and if she pushes further I'll quote maximum half the price.
Yeah, when i reworked our budgets around 18 months ago, i gave us each a "spends account". So all money goes into a joint account from which bills/savings/general stuff is paid out of. Then we trasfer out £250 each a month for ourselves.
If we want something expensive or extravagant then we can use that. I've found it works well as when we had fully joint money, i'd feel bad spending £1k on a new paddle board or £500 for the new xbox because my wife doesn't really spend much so it felt unfair. She was ok with me spending it, but it was me that made myself feel wasteful.
The difference is that she now has a spends pot with loads of money in it and mines always empty
sounds about the same as me and my SO, excepts hers is empty!
Mine has taken a beating recently with new tech, but it'll soon fill up again
Probably a bit of both.
£200 isn't going to break the bank, but, it's a lot to spend on what essentially a toy. She wouldn't approve, she wouldn't go nuts either mind you.
I think the difference is if she spend £200 on herself, I wouldn't give a ****, but if I do, will get the, well we've got X T & Z to pay for, if you can pay for that you can pay for this etc.
This. And she would also think I was a certifiable looney if I told her how much the 3090 really cost. Its doesnt matter that I can afford it, its a relatively small amount compared to our wages. She objects to spending anymore than £400 on tech. Which is why I bought her a Microsoft surface studio last year which she loves but would never ever spend the £3k buying one.