Looking for advice...

From a legal standpoint you're in the clear. Based on what you've described there was no contract formed prior to the works starting, so he wouldn't be legally entitled to any monies.

As others have pointed out, it sounds like the friendship is potentially over either way if you feel that he's put you in an awkward position. So pay him the £120 and tell him bluntly that you now consider your friendship over. Or tell him you're not going to pay and end the friendship either way.

Have you known him long? Do you consider him a good friend? If you want the friendship to continue then sounds like you might have to suck up making the payment and move on from it. Balls in your court really.

I think most people would agree that friends helping out friends comes with the only payment of food and beer and reciprocating the favour, end of story.

You could be awkward back and deduct a "lunch" payment from the £120. Make sure it's a generous amount if it was home made? I.e. Sandwiches and a coffee -£15 from the payment.
 
You don't owe him anything - don't pay.

It's incredible several posters think paying is the right way to deal with this. Payment was never discussed and £120 isn't an insignificant amount of money. It's clear the other party values money over their friendship (on several occasions). Tell him where to go and be done with him.
 
Worthy said:
I don’t get the logic in paying him to then disown him. If you’re going to cut all contact I’d just be telling him to **** off and blocking him. Only pay if you think the friendship can be salvaged (but they sound like a pair of idiots anyway). Who charges their good mates for helping them out as as you said, you made it clear you already had help.
Click to expand...

Presumably it's to take the moral high ground. If you don't pay him then potentially he goes around telling people that you ended the friendship because you owe him money.

Or you could put the money towards renting one of those big signs that you tow around on a trailer, and tell everyone your side of the story...
 
I side with the majority on here, by paying him you take away his chance to play the moral high ground, I would give him the money face to face and explain things have now deteriorated that much due to his texts etc and that you now consider friendship over
 
£120 in pennies would weigh 42.72kg, or 94.2lb. Dump this, from a wheelbarrow onto his front doorstep. Bonus points if he also has an outward opening door, so he spreads them everywhere as he opens it.
 
Serious answers:

- If the friendship means more to you, pay him and make it explicity clear that it has annoyed you and anything in the future will need to be agreed up front (If he's a 'good' friend, he should accept that and appreciate the gesture)
- If it doesn't, don't pay (and/or remind him of things that went the other way) and cut him out.

If he is by trade a plumber now and this was work that you'd need a plumber for, then maybe it's on you and £120 for a day rate is cheap (but I agree, given that he insitsted after you said you had it covered, is a bit much).

But I think, as others have said, it's either that he's struggling for money and is too proud to just directly ask you for help, or your/his wife are better friends than you are and walking away wouldn't be easy for any/either of you....
 
Having been in similar situation with a "friend" wanting payment after the fact with nothing agreed prior, I would not pay him. I think there is more chance of you feeling like a mug years from now for doing so when you look back. I didn't pay my "friend" and haven't had anything to do with him since and I'm so glad I didn't allow myself to be guilted into giving him any money.

You are much better off without friends like that and that £120 is much better used by donating it to a children's charity etc than lining the pockets of folks you have just described.
 
Last edited:
For me it depends on the context of whether it's a meaningful amount for you, or them.
A quote I've heard before that this reminds me of is: "If you lend a friend £20 and never hear from them again, it was money well spent"
 
MartinPrince said:
You are much better off without friends like that and that £120 is much better used by donating it to a children's charity etc than lining the pockets of folks you have just described.
Click to expand...

You might be onto something there. It's not about the £120, it's the way you have acted. You are dead to me and I have donated the money to charity to buy goats in your name:

Donate a Goat | Alternative Charity Gifts

Change a life this year with Concern Gifts. We have gifts to suit all budgets and interests, including a goat!
gifts.concern.org.uk
 
Last edited:
I'm afraid this is someone I just flat out wouldn't want in my life.

It's completely weird to agree to do something then be like, yo now pay me and guilt trip you. If he had said up front yeah i'll do it but can you chuck me some cash for it? I'm a bit strapped, if not that's ok too get your family memeber to help.

Different story.....
 
Every weekday at around 4pm (while I’m still at work, usually in meetings), he calls me.

This afternoon I had a missed call, then a message about 10 minutes later saying “I’ve called you every night.” I haven’t opened it yet as I was at a family birthday this evening and hadn’t had a chance to respond. About five minutes ago, I then received another message consisting of just a “?”.

This weekend it’s my wife’s birthday and we’re going away. With Christmas approaching, this should be a positive, festive time - not stressful. Reading through the replies in this thread has made me step back and properly reflect on the friendship.

Despite how close we’ve been — knowing each other since 2016, me being godparent to his child, best man at his wedding, and generally very close — I’m now realising this situation is about far more than the £100.

Looking back, there’s a pattern of behaviour I’ve overlooked: belittling or embarrassing comments towards me and my wife, changing the narrative of situations I was present for to suit his version of events, positioning himself as the victim, and speaking negatively about others behind their backs despite presenting himself as faultless publicly. There’s also been a repeated pattern where invitations to meet are declined with “we’ll let you know,” only for them to make other plans instead, with contact usually happening only when it’s convenient for them (for example, dropping in when passing by).

Throughout this situation I’ve repeatedly said I didn’t want to argue and hoped we could just move on. Instead, the conversation has escalated into guilt, pressure, repeated calls, and messages implying I don’t care, while continuing to chase a response.

At this point, I genuinely believe this isn’t about the money — it’s about control and validation.

I’m now seriously considering cutting ties completely. One friend has advised me to ignore any further messages. Another suggested trying to reconcile, but only by paying the £100, which doesn’t sit right with me. A third suggested sending a blunt final message and walking away.

I’m interested in hearing what others think the healthiest option is at this stage.
 
Shep_Cobain said:
Every weekday at around 4pm (while I’m still at work, usually in meetings), he calls me.

This afternoon I had a missed call, then a message about 10 minutes later saying “I’ve called you every night.” I haven’t opened it yet as I was at a family birthday this evening and hadn’t had a chance to respond. About five minutes ago, I then received another message consisting of just a “?”.

This weekend it’s my wife’s birthday and we’re going away. With Christmas approaching, this should be a positive, festive time - not stressful. Reading through the replies in this thread has made me step back and properly reflect on the friendship.

Despite how close we’ve been — knowing each other since 2016, me being godparent to his child, best man at his wedding, and generally very close — I’m now realising this situation is about far more than the £100.

Looking back, there’s a pattern of behaviour I’ve overlooked: belittling or embarrassing comments towards me and my wife, changing the narrative of situations I was present for to suit his version of events, positioning himself as the victim, and speaking negatively about others behind their backs despite presenting himself as faultless publicly. There’s also been a repeated pattern where invitations to meet are declined with “we’ll let you know,” only for them to make other plans instead, with contact usually happening only when it’s convenient for them (for example, dropping in when passing by).

Throughout this situation I’ve repeatedly said I didn’t want to argue and hoped we could just move on. Instead, the conversation has escalated into guilt, pressure, repeated calls, and messages implying I don’t care, while continuing to chase a response.

At this point, I genuinely believe this isn’t about the money — it’s about control and validation.

I’m now seriously considering cutting ties completely. One friend has advised me to ignore any further messages. Another suggested trying to reconcile, but only by paying the £100, which doesn’t sit right with me. A third suggested sending a blunt final message and walking away.

I’m interested in hearing what others think the healthiest option is at this stage.
Click to expand...

I'd contact the police report him for harassment
 
Shep_Cobain said:
I’m interested in hearing what others think the healthiest option is at this stage.
Click to expand...

First of all, ignore all the idiots in this thread. They're all wrong, each and every one of them.

Go get some nice candles, and get some Barry Manilow on your Spotify. Invite him around for dinner. Light up the candles in the lounge, put some Barry Manilow on and wear nothing but an apron that says "This is the hottest dish", covered by a nice classy overcoat.

Let him in, cook a nice meal that you both enjoy, then head to the kitchen and put some of that whipped cream on your nipples, then put the coat back on.

Head back in to the lounge, drop the overcoat exposing the apron and cream, and say "now that we've had a lovely dinner, let's talk about your payment tiger".

Problem solved, dunno why all these other idiots are overthinking it, weirdos :confused:
 
Diddums said:
First of all, ignore all the idiots in this thread. They're all wrong, each and every one of them.

Go get some nice candles, and get some Barry Manilow on your Spotify. Invite him around for dinner. Light up the candles in the lounge, put some Barry Manilow on and wear nothing but an apron that says "This is the hottest dish", covered by a nice classy overcoat.

Let him in, cook a nice meal that you both enjoy, then head to the kitchen and put some of that whipped cream on your nipples, then put the coat back on.

Head back in to the lounge, drop the overcoat exposing the apron and cream, and say "now that we've had a lovely dinner, let's talk about your payment tiger".

Problem solved, dunno why all these other idiots are overthinking it, weirdos :confused:
Click to expand...
Solved.
 
Diddums said:
First of all, ignore all the idiots in this thread. They're all wrong, each and every one of them.

Go get some nice candles, and get some Barry Manilow on your Spotify. Invite him around for dinner. Light up the candles in the lounge, put some Barry Manilow on and wear nothing but an apron that says "This is the hottest dish", covered by a nice classy overcoat.

Let him in, cook a nice meal that you both enjoy, then head to the kitchen and put some of that whipped cream on your nipples, then put the coat back on.

Head back in to the lounge, drop the overcoat exposing the apron and cream, and say "now that we've had a lovely dinner, let's talk about your payment tiger".

Problem solved, dunno why all these other idiots are overthinking it, weirdos :confused:
Click to expand...
It sounds like you've done this before... To say that I am not shocked would be an understatement of the highest order.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom