making contact with family

spike's

spike's

spike's

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i havent seen my dad since i was about 11. i am now 25. and have recently been thinking about trying to make contact with him.

i know i have a 1/2 sister who i have never met. and i guess this is a big reason why i am thinking of making contact.

well 2 questions if any of you have managed to make contact.

how did you tell your other parent, and family? in this case, i think my mum and brothers will find it strange, perhaps hurtfull.

how did you manage to make contact, i have no idea how to do this.
 
With your first question do you mean breaking to them the news that you'd like to seek other members of your family?

I think you're right. It is quite likely that the rest of your family will be hurt/confused by the fact that you wish to make contact.

I think I'd seek the help of a pro on this. I know my company have advisors on personal life, etc. and would be able to have input to the situation without being judgemental and would possibly be able to put me onto people that could help.

Might be worth you speaking to the CAB. Not only on advice on finding your dad and other family, but also advice on how to broach the subject with your closer family :)
 
Gilly said:
With your first question do you mean breaking to them the news that you'd like to seek other members of your family?

I think you're right. It is quite likely that the rest of your family will be hurt/confused by the fact that you wish to make contact.

I think I'd seek the help of a pro on this. I know my company have advisors on personal life, etc. and would be able to have input to the situation without being judgemental and would possibly be able to put me onto people that could help.

Might be worth you speaking to the CAB. Not only on advice on finding your dad and other family, but also advice on how to broach the subject with your closer family :)
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cheers gilly.
yeah, thats basically what i mean. :)

are there companies that can help find people then? or is it imposable if my dad doesent want to be found?
 
Not that same, but similar nontheless. My mother and her brother hadn't spoke for about 10 years. I hardly knew my cousins and I really wanted to see them. One day, whilst my parents were on holiday I went round. This prompted my uncle to contact my mother.

Initially, my parents were upset because they thought I had gone behind their backs, however, two/three years on, no one could be happier. We have really got to know each other, my mother and uncle are close, the entire family gets on amazing and we even went away on holiday as a family. It's fantastic.

In hindsight, I could have mentioned it to my parents so they knew how I felt and my expectations. Though they are now very pleased I did what I did.

So really, my advice is tell your mother, see what she says. Tell her you're going to do it either way and that you just wanted her to know.
 
I'm sure you could hire a private investigator or similar to do it, but it might prove rather costly. Financial houses and such employ people finders, so they do exist.

I'm assuming you know name and approximate location?
 
I can only imagine it being a completely natural desire to meet your real dad or a sister you've never met. It depends on the break up of your parent's as to how happy your mother will be about it but it has been 14 years and she must have thought about it happening sometime.

I really hope it goes well for you :)
 
Gilly said:
I'm sure you could hire a private investigator or similar to do it, but it might prove rather costly. Financial houses and such employ people finders, so they do exist.

I'm assuming you know name and approximate location?
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yes, name. and last known city. i may be able to find out more like mayb an address. but then i really would need to talk to my mum especially on this one. and i know the pain she went through. ( my dad was voilent :mad: )
 
Mikol said:
Not that same, but similar nontheless. My mother and her brother hadn't spoke for about 10 years. I hardly knew my cousins and I really wanted to see them. One day, whilst my parents were on holiday I went round. This prompted my uncle to contact my mother.

Initially, my parents were upset because they thought I had gone behind their backs, however, two/three years on, no one could be happier. We have really got to know each other, my mother and uncle are close, the entire family gets on amazing and we even went away on holiday as a family. It's fantastic.

In hindsight, I could have mentioned it to my parents so they knew how I felt and my expectations. Though they are now very pleased I did what I did.

So really, my advice is tell your mother, see what she says. Tell her you're going to do it either way and that you just wanted her to know.
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cheers, did it take long for the hurt to go?
 
Cybermyk said:
I can only imagine it being a completely natural desire to meet your real dad or a sister you've never met. It depends on the break up of your parent's as to how happy your mother will be about it but it has been 14 years and she must have thought about it happening sometime.

I really hope it goes well for you :)
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cheers, i know what you mean. but its complicated to say the least. i am wondering weather to speak to my uncle ( mum's brother )next time i go to see him. he may know a better way of approaching it.
 
My Dad was disappointed with me for a while. My Mum, underneath, was actually quite relieved at what I had done, but initially sided with my Dad. It didn't take too long. I recall seeing them around a summer time once and things were fine by Christmas (could have been much sooner, but this was the first major family gathering) following that.

Good luck with it mate. I wish you all the best. As I child I was used to having my Uncle around and it felt like something was missing for us, so I can only imagine how you feel... much much greater.
 
Try the phone book for whichever city he was last known to be in. The simplest methods are sometimes the best ;)
 
Kabaala said:
Try the phone book for whichever city he was last known to be in. The simplest methods are sometimes the best ;)
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thanks. may give it a try, and write him a letter.
dont think i could call up and have a chat. would just seem too strange.
 
Someone on here was looking to get in touch with some lost relatives about a year ago. Anyone remember who it was or if they had any success?
 
spike's said:
thanks. may give it a try, and write him a letter.
dont think i could call up and have a chat. would just seem too strange.
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I often find that letters are the easiest way to express yourself in potentially emotional situations.
 
I don't know anything about these kinds of situations, but doesn't the Salvation Army have a service to help you locate lost family members? Might be worth looking into that?

EDIT: here
 
With your dad being violent towards your mother I think you've got to speak to her about it before doing anything to find him as you might not know the full story about what went on.

If you just explain your reasons for wanting to see your dad and half-sister then your mum should understand, though obviously will get worried about any repeat of the violence from her relationship with your dad. Maybe compromise on seeing your half-sister and go from there?
 
Jonny69 said:
Someone on here was looking to get in touch with some lost relatives about a year ago. Anyone remember who it was or if they had any success?
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Could have possibly been me. Funny that this thread has come up at this time.

I tried to find my Mum, she moved back to her home in Germany about three years ago when I was 16. I stayed here and as you can imagine it wasn't an easy experience. I got in touch with the German embassy and they gave me a possible address. I only got the address about a month ago and have yet to get the courage to write.

I also have 2 bothers and a sister that I've started to think about finding. Not seen them since I was 4.

I've also heard that the Salvation Army are good at these things. I was talking to someone about it yesterday and they've been doing it for a long time. I think i'll phone them after work....

Burnsy

Edit: Also look at this site
 
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Completely different situation but I managed to track a dude down who was trying to defraud me using friend's reunited - all I had was his first and last name and the fact he lived in the south of england. Dunno if they have maybe tightened up the search criteria since then.
Doesn't he have any relatives that might be easier to find in the first instance - his brothers / sisters / mother / father etc? They might know where he is.
 
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