Motivation

Frubeling said:
Absolutely nothing beyond not wanting to fall into a deep depression and money
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This.

I keep having thoughts of what I can do to change my life. But I don't know what to do. I've let myself becomes saddled with the mundane responsibility of life stuff like mortgages.

I think I'd be much happier if I loved/likes/cared about my job/career.
I tried changing company a few times but to no avail. So obviously its the job, not the place.

I think I ended up in IT (software/dev) but I think I'm actually much more a physical/real type. And I'm struggling with nothing being real.


I just can't figure out what I'd like to do.

I think this would be the most sensible remedy for the lack of career satisfaction



There's a part of me that would love everything to go wrong. Lose it all and start again unburdened by those things. But at same time I know of this happens I'll likely have nothing in later life.

I'm happier with my out of work hobbies. But still think I could /should do more. Unfortunately I find it all to easy to stay in and play a computer game. But i get no satisfaction from it.
It doesn't help its winter, it's lockdown and it's UK weather.

Emigration would be great. But again I've never put in enough effort to make it happen
 
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413x said:
This.

I keep having thoughts of what I can do to change my life. But I don't know what to do. I've let myself becomes saddled with the mundane responsibility of life stuff like mortgages.

I think I'd be much happier if I loved/likes/cared about my job/career.
I tried changing company a few times but to no avail. So obviously its the job, not the place.

I think I ended up in IT (software/dev) but I think I'm actually much more a physical/real type. And I'm struggling with nothing being real.


I just can't figure out what I'd like to do.

I think this would be the most sensible remedy for the lack of career satisfaction



There's a part of me that would love everything to go wrong. Lose it all and start again unburdened by those things. But at same time I know of this happens I'll likely have nothing in later life.
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Is your happiness now more important or your security for a future life worth more?
 
Begbie said:
Is your happiness now more important or your security for a future life worth more?
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Feels like an impossible question. But it's what it comes down to. It's a hard choice to make. And you normally hear of the people it's worked For. Not the ones it hasn't.

But yeah, serious danger of looking back in 20 years and going...well that was a waste! Like. Many others do.

Only positive. No kids. I've avoided that responsibility
 
It's sad so many people are just 'living day to day'. Fine if you're happy. But it feels like a lot feel trapped.

I suppose this is a culture thing.

You should aim to have a career
You should progress up the ladder
You should get a mortgage
You should have kids

Even though they are all choices. It still feels out culture prioritises them over being happy.
 
For me motivation has two factors; either a push or a pull.

Something you either want to get away from based on experience, or something pulling you towards it. You need to have a strong enough factor of either of these to make you do what you do everyday.

I think the issue with a lot of people and motivation is that life becomes comfortable. We get complacent and lazy, so the push or the pull seems to not matter. What happens if I do bugger all? Not much for the most part at the start at least.

I have days, weeks etc. that I struggle for motivation and I'm a pretty motivated person! Sometimes I just can't shake it off and get myself going, but find exercise helps a lot to get me in a better head space. I am hugely driven in my career, which has changed throughout my life and the direction but I couldn't just plod on week by week without pushing myself to get to the next phase/ level/ side project/etc. whatever it might be. Having seen people I know and love pass away with their lives still to live also really puts things into perspective for me about how short and special life really is. I very so grateful to even be here so want to try and maximise my time in any way I can. I want to experience as many things as possible, cultures, foods, sights... I want to be able to see and do it all! I know I won't get there and probably am less "happy" than a lot of people who plod on day to day as I always push for more, no matter where I am in my own personal life road map, but that's me and that's always going to be me.

This morning I just couldn't get going. Really was looking forward to the end of the day, but for no reason at all. What a waste! I sucked it up, did a 25km lunch ride, smashed out some work and made a plan for the rest of my day and evening to keep me going. I work best on micro and macro wins; I need to set seemingly insurmountably huge goals and then daily need to know I'm making baby steps towards it.
 
413x said:
It's sad so many people are just 'living day to day'. Fine if you're happy. But it feels like a lot feel trapped.

I suppose this is a culture thing.

You should aim to have a career
You should progress up the ladder
You should get a mortgage
You should have kids

Even though they are all choices. It still feels out culture prioritises them over being happy.
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I'm 28, still live with my parents in the same room I've been in since I was 13, I've stayed at the bottom rung of every job I've ever had (granted this one pays a graduate's salary of around £24k and I have no more than a foundation degree in Computer Science, so no complaints there), my last relationship was 4 years ago, my last SERIOUS relationship (i.e. not driven by a fear of loneliness and desire for sexual intimacy) was double that.

And honestly, while I may not be motivated I do still feel happy I guess. Happier than I have been in a long time at least
I put it down to largely ignoring what the world seems to think I "should" be doing or achieving. Don't really care for example that people may ridicule my living arrangement. Jokes on them it means I have an obscene amount of expendable income given how much I earn


randomshenans said:
For me motivation has two factors; either a push or a pull.

Something you either want to get away from based on experience, or something pulling you towards it. You need to have a strong enough factor of either of these to make you do what you do everyday.
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This is how I made the change. Like I said I don't really know what motivates me, I have no idea what I'm moving towards. I definitely know what I'm trying to move away from though
 
413x said:
Even though they are all choices. It still feels out culture prioritises them over being happy.
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What would make you happy 413x? I think you mentioned a while back that your partner is not well and this adds to your financial burden, hopefully she will get better soon etc.
 
413x said:
Even though they are all choices. It still feels out culture prioritizes them over being happy.
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This is very true. We're supposed to conform to what is laid out, reproduce and leave them stuff... over experiences, or whatever it is that makes us happy. So many people live miserably because they're trying to achieve the things you mention rather than focusing on what truly makes them happy.
 
413x said:
Only positive. No kids. I've avoided that responsibility
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I wrote a long reply, but what it comes down to is this: avoiding responsibility is the best way to live an unfulfilled life. Happiness is transient, fulfillment and a fundamental life purpose are very different.
 
fobose said:
What would make you happy 413x? I think you mentioned a while back that your partner is not well and this adds to your financial burden, hopefully she will get better soon etc.
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Yes this has been hard.
I guess I feel only escape I've had in last year has been when I'm out on my bike or in sea.

What would make me happy?
I know when I'm happiest?
In summer, when I'm in the sea, on my bike etc. I guess that's.. Being active.. No thoughts of life's burdens. When I'm in the sea nothing else matters. Its literally just catching the next wave. I guess if I lived in a warmer/sunnier climate that would help. (I hate wet winters)

So I guess that's one.. Emigration.
I think (I imagine) that would solve my 'free time' part. Although would be hard to emigrate. I think I know it would make me happy.


For work.. Much more complex. I'd guess I'd be happier with a hands on job. But I'm 35 and have never loved a job. Granted that's only working in a lab or in IT (software)
 
Zefan said:
I wrote a long reply, but what it comes down to is this: avoiding responsibility is the best way to live an unfulfilled life. Happiness is transient, fulfillment and a fundamental life purpose are very different.
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I'm not sure if I agree with this. I don't think I have much happiness from any of my responsibilities.
I've created them by going with the flow and don't think they do me any good

I've never really cared about leaving a legacy, contributing to society or being remembered.

Ok, maybe it would be amazing to have created wildlife preserve somewhere. I guess that counts
 
MookJong said:
Have children you will probably not ask this for a while.
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Isn't that soft of a recursive and/or circular argument tho?

"What's the point of my life?"
"To have children!"
Children:
"What's the point of my life?"
"To have children!"
Grandchildren:
"What's the point of my life?"
"To have children!"

But really - what was the point beyond simply procreation?

Children can't give your life meaning. They just distract you for ~18 years from asking that question again.

I bet we all personally know plenty of people who became depressed when their children moved out. They spent so much of their daily energy on their children, that without the children around, their lives are empty.

So really, having children is not the answer to giving your life meaning.
 
I've never given it a second thought.
Frubeling said:
I'm 28, still live with my parents in the same room I've been in since I was 13, I've stayed at the bottom rung of every job I've ever had (granted this one pays a graduate's salary of around £24k and I have no more than a foundation degree in Computer Science, so no complaints there), my last relationship was 4 years ago, my last SERIOUS relationship (i.e. not driven by a fear of loneliness and desire for sexual intimacy) was double that.

And honestly, while I may not be motivated I do still feel happy I guess. Happier than I have been in a long time at least
I put it down to largely ignoring what the world seems to think I "should" be doing or achieving. Don't really care for example that people may ridicule my living arrangement. Jokes on them it means I have an obscene amount of expendable income given how much I earn


This is how I made the change. Like I said I don't really know what motivates me, I have no idea what I'm moving towards. I definitely know what I'm trying to move away from though
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Your life sounds awful. Horses for courses I suppose.
 
Lopéz said:
Your life sounds awful. Horses for courses I suppose.
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I have people around me who I love and love me, I have more expendable income than most, my job is relatively simple and despite being shift based has a lot of flexibility in regards to moving hours around and taking holiday so I can largely do what I want outside of my employment
How is it awful? Because I don't have a ****** rented flat or what?

By account of a number of mental health professionals I was forecast to either be in prison or dead by now so I'll take what I've got
 
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