moving girlfriend in?

I would strongly suggest sitting down with the gf and talking about this. Finances are one of the significant stresses that will hit any relationship. The inability to about money is a *significant* danger sign.

I don't know the legal side - but when the then gf (now wife) moved in we agreed to have a joint bank account, into which we both paid an equal amount for house expenses. We also agreed that when the lease was due for renewal (3 months in the future) that we would add her to the lease, to provide her a degree of security.

Actually, that might be a good way to approach this. Set her up legally as a lodger, so that she can't be kicked out at the drop of a hat. This also provides you security, because there is a defined relationship between the two of you.

This can be changed later, when/if you become further entangled. But if things go pear shaped, you have a defined unwinding route.
 
Freefaller said:
If you're worried about that perhaps it isn't time for you to move in together?
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Not really, it's hedging you bets isn't it.

Odds are they're going to want to split up because nothing lasts forever, people change too much.

I mean I reckon you get 10 years maximum in any relationship before you'd be happier swapping her out, but by moving in together he sort of ties himself in with her for a bit longer hopefully they'll be middle aged and ugly by the time they've lost all love for each other and they can be companions to each other til they die.
 
pitchfork said:
Not really, it's hedging you bets isn't it.

Odds are they're going to want to split up because nothing lasts forever, people change too much.

I mean I reckon you get 10 years maximum in any relationship before you'd be happier swapping her out, but by moving in together he sort of ties himself in with her for a bit longer hopefully they'll be middle aged and ugly by the time they've lost all love for each other and they can be companions to each other til they die.
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Perhaps not everyone is wired that way? Perhaps?

I did state that I understand the protective nature of it, what I don't understand is perhaps call me an old romantic, or less focussed on mercenary behaviour towards relationships, but for that to be the first thing one thinks about when you're wanting your other half to move in seems sad. Not as in pathetic, but as in genuinely "that's a shame". I guess gone are the times where people just get on with things without feeling they are "owed" anything. Pretty depressing state of affairs if you ask me.

I appreciate your reasoned polite reply/rebuke, unlike others self righteous individuals.
 
Nothing wrong with being informed about the situation before committing, that's just common sense.

You've nothing to worry about though at the moment. If you have children then things could change later on
 
Freefaller said:
I guess gone are the times where people just get on with things without feeling they are "owed" anything. Pretty depressing state of affairs if you ask me.
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Unfortunately that seems to just be the way society is these days, a huge amount seem to think they are owed or have a definite right to something when they haven't done anything toward achieving it. :(

I'm with you that it's a shame the OP even needs to consider asking about this but yeah, society is rubbish these days. I'm still of the old school mindset like you which means I would/do get screwed over at times. :D
 
Freefaller said:
Perhaps not everyone is wired that way? Perhaps?

I did state that I understand the protective nature of it, what I don't understand is perhaps call me an old romantic, or less focussed on mercenary behaviour towards relationships, but for that to be the first thing one thinks about when you're wanting your other half to move in seems sad. Not as in pathetic, but as in genuinely "that's a shame". I guess gone are the times where people just get on with things without feeling they are "owed" anything. Pretty depressing state of affairs if you ask me.

I appreciate your reasoned polite reply/rebuke, unlike others self righteous individuals.
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I agree totally. It seems now, to me anyway, from my experiance that women have on the whole a "what can i get out of this" attitude lately... well past 10-15 years.

At first i thought it was just me... im a nice guy so was i a pushover? but having heard too many horror stories from friends and customers i just dont know anymore.

Now i am grown up enough to not label ALL women as lying moneygrabbing cheaters... a lot of men are too by the way, but when it comes to a house you OWN and have worked for then it is prudent to be cautious.

I am an old romantic and i trust women i meet, and there in lies the problem. Its fine if you have met someone nice but god help you if you have met a crazy!
 
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If she starts paying for anything, even sharing bills then there already a legal precedent for her to have a share of the assets (it wouldn't be 50% though).

However, it doesn't always have to be about the money. E.g., you get a child and she becomes a stay at home mum to raise the child. The Court will rightly understand that she gave up her career and earnings in order to help the family and so obviously can not be paying for mortgage/bills, and thus is entitled to ~50% of the assets anyway.

I believe the latter scenario can exist for long term relationships without a child if it is deemed the women did activities towards the upkeep of the house. Thus if it is typically the women cleaning, shopping, cooking, gardening and running the household then they may perceive that as a significant contribution.

basically, as soon as you start getting serious with a women you have to expect that some of your assets may become hers, and vice versa.

Plus I am with Freefaller - you have trust issues so I suggest you aren't ready yet.
 
Freefaller said:
Perhaps not everyone is wired that way? Perhaps?

I did state that I understand the protective nature of it, what I don't understand is perhaps call me an old romantic, or less focussed on mercenary behaviour towards relationships, but for that to be the first thing one thinks about when you're wanting your other half to move in seems sad. Not as in pathetic, but as in genuinely "that's a shame". I guess gone are the times where people just get on with things without feeling they are "owed" anything. Pretty depressing state of affairs if you ask me.

I appreciate your reasoned polite reply/rebuke, unlike others self righteous individuals.
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I am the same as this. I find it sad that questions about legality of ownership are asked when a relationship and moving in together is occurring. I guess I too am an old romantic and these things never crossed my mind (foolish maybe) but after being together for 25 years and married for 20 of those, I got lucky.

I guess the OP is right in his questions but for me, that is sad reading.
 
We bought our house from a loving couple with two kids. The guy had lived there for 30 years and owned it outright. His partner moved in, they had two kids and wanted a third so she pushed at him to upsize.

So they did. Lucky for us :) But they moved to a house twice the size and got a massive mortgage. A year later they split up. She kept the kids and the house, and he was out on his ear.

So yeah, it does happen. In our situation their decision to upsize meant we bought a house we loved in an area we like. So some good came from it at least, but I imagine that is little consolation to the guy knowing he lost a nice house he owned outright.

I suppose the bottom line is that life is crazy. Full of ups and downs and you never know where it will take you. You will lose and you will gain. I think it is just a case of accepting that truth and going with the flow.

Afterall, if the OP really wanted to eliminate the risk from losing his home over a woman he would remain single. So a balance has to be found. OP - the blanace is you get the love of a woman and nookie on demand and a warm bed, companionship, love and friendship. The chance you take is that she could be a crazy and take yor house away. So the only real question that matters is: Which is more important to you?

Pick one and live with it :)
 
Zefan said:
Bro, I've been with some nutcases and some not-so-nutcases, it's pretty irrelevant as I was merely commenting on the way your post was worded in a particular scaremongering way :p
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Fair enough :p

I was scaremongering! :p

Just best the OP thinks of this carefully lest he fall into the mire like i did.
 
I bought a house 9 years ago with my then gf. It was a 50/50 split although I earned more and paid for most of the mortgage and bills. I entered into it believing we would be together long term as we'd had a great 4 years together prior to it. Anyway, when she left me she started proceedings to get as much money as she could. Fast forward 6 months and she gets a big payout from me and I get a bigger mortgage amount to pay off. At this point I said I'd never be put in this situation again so if I ever decided to let someone live with me, no matter how great the relationship my paperwork would be in order and they wouldn't get a penny if we split. Sure, if I married someone things would have to change but I would still protect myself as best I can. Likewise I would want my partner to be equally protected should it be the other way around.
 
Nowdays everyone and their dog wants everything for nothing, so you have to protect yourself for the worst case scenario. You need to be adequately prepared for all the what if's. So it's good that OP is considering this. It may be a shame that this is the case but that is modern society.
 
Freefaller said:
Perhaps not everyone is wired that way? Perhaps?

I did state that I understand the protective nature of it, what I don't understand is perhaps call me an old romantic, or less focussed on mercenary behaviour towards relationships, but for that to be the first thing one thinks about when you're wanting your other half to move in seems sad. Not as in pathetic, but as in genuinely "that's a shame". I guess gone are the times where people just get on with things without feeling they are "owed" anything. Pretty depressing state of affairs if you ask me.
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Maybe not but I think the days when people just got on with it changed when ladies got power combined with preference in court settlements.

That's not to be sexist that's just how it is, this is the modern world - it's a harsh unforgiving wilderness and you can't be too careful.
 
Moses said:
It's not just nowadays.

[...]

Issues of ownership/property rights/whatever have been around forever. People have been getting as much as they can wrangle forever.
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It's more prolific these days (as in the last 10-20 years) though with various changes in culture, media, internet etc.
 
Prophet said:
I bought a house 9 years ago with my then gf. It was a 50/50 split although I earned more and paid for most of the mortgage and bills. I entered into it believing we would be together long term as we'd had a great 4 years together prior to it. Anyway, when she left me she started proceedings to get as much money as she could. Fast forward 6 months and she gets a big payout from me and I get a bigger mortgage amount to pay off. At this point I said I'd never be put in this situation again so if I ever decided to let someone live with me, no matter how great the relationship my paperwork would be in order and they wouldn't get a penny if we split. Sure, if I married someone things would have to change but I would still protect myself as best I can. Likewise I would want my partner to be equally protected should it be the other way around.
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This is what i'm getting at, it's when people just decide to turn nasty for no reason.

Splitting amicably is the sign that 2 good people were lucky enough to be together but have just decided to part ways... all good no hard feelings. But people always have to turn bitter and venomous.
 
AtreuS said:
I am 40 this year and so far have managed to escape from marriage and having kids... close shaves but so far im in the clear.

My advice.... dont do it.

UNLESS she is THE ONE... i mean would you marry this woman and have kids and be burried in the safe coffin after dying together aged 90? if no... then dont do it.

Was it you're idea for her to move in? or hers.... where does she live now? what happens to money etc...

I have gone through this 5 times... each time the girl suggested it, she moves in... pays her way for a few months then suddenly it muggins here paying for everything while she starts buying clothes and make up with her spare cash ( only spare because she isnt paying rent ).

When they finally get bored and want out all of a sudden you are the villain "making me move in with you" yadda yadda....

Maybe the OP has a nice honest girl, if so then brilliant. Just assume the worse is my advice.
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I don't think you're the one who has done the 'escaping'...just a hunch.
 
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