My first relationship thread, consisting of multiple OCUKers.

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VIRII said:
A month from now it won't hurt as much as it does today. A year from now it'll be a fond memory. 20 years from now it'll raise a little inward smile. You'll probably still have a "what if" moment, but you'll look at your wife and kids and think "then I'd never have had this".
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i've just spent the last half an hour trying to write something along these lines but failed miserably. file away the good bits, remember them fondly and move on.

nin9a
 
I've just read the whole of the 3 main posts and I have to say congratulations, you have done amazingly well to conquour your issues with health and you have achieved what some people will never achieve, in essence you have become a 'normal' young man whatever the hell normal is.

However this leads me on to a second point and one which I don't think you will like all that much. What has happened to you with your girlfriend is 'normal' for a 19 year old, you have had a relationship whcih fell apart when you went away for a while, your girlfriend found another guy and you got your heart broken, happens all the time, and you WILL get over it. Yes it hit you harder because you have had other issues but its still a normal part of everyday life. Your first real love will always be special, she will always be someone you say 'what if?' about but this way trouble lies. Because she was your first major love you can't see the flaws in the relationship, if you use this as a yardstick to measure future relationships you will only hurt yourself, like you have gone and explored new countries go and explore new people too. Don't get hung up on going back to a country which has revoked your passport and you have little hope of returning too, constantly mooning over your holiday snaps, find another different destination.

You have come so far and conquoured so many things that people told you you never would, don't be stopped in your tracks by the same thing all teenagers experience (heartbreak) get back out there and have fun again.

MB
 
Takhisis said:
Did you ask Holly if you could write about your personal relationship on a forum that you both use?

If you didn't then I think that this whole thread is very selfish and immature of you and, depending on how Holly feels, should be deleted.
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Was thinking exactly the same thing, was gonna post a glib "IBTL" although I also wondered whether Holly35 would want Sepeph to parade a love sick puppy story...

I read the whole thing.
Half of it fill me with interest and concern about Seph's medical condition and struggle, the other half is dubious about whether he is taking the right attitude about his emotional struggle - it is a shame that it involves OcUK members because such emotional stories are often good to thrash out here - but not neccssarily when they discuss other members.
 
For people who keep questioning, yes Holly was aware of the post I was making and had no objections. I havent made her sound bad in this and if I have that was never the intention as she is not bad in the slightest.

I am 21 now for the record and yes it may seem like one of those first love things, but the thing I am struggling with is to understand wether this relationship ended the way it did due to ultimately my illness. I dont know. I needed to get this all out in the open and this is the first time I have done so, so publically. I have nothing I am ashamed to say anymore and I felt that it would be of benefit for me to get this out publically but in a domain fair for myself, and Holly. I understand Holly has more friends on these forums than myself, this whole thread is not a stab at her, because i dont think i could ever do something like that to such an amazing person. Holly will always be in my heart, we have grown apart now. I am just left rather hurt and wondering when will I be able to find happiness with someone if i am so sure that their understanding of me will never come about. Some people have said some helpful stuff to me that has made me understnad the possibilities.

Off to work now, will check back at this when I get home :o
 
Sepheh said:
I am 21 now for the record and yes it may seem like one of those first love things, but the thing I am struggling with is to understand wether this relationship ended the way it did due to ultimately my illness.
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Given that the illness effects your psycholgoical makeup and temprement that is something we can never know for certain, but I would reccommend not feeling like a victim to your illness if possible.

It is hard, it is certainly a very hard illness and it has taken a part of your life - what I reccommend is that you dont let it cast its shadow any further.
Perhaps part of this is realising that people are free to do as they please, and if you cant have someone you love it isnt always a bad thing. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, sometimes you can feel brilliant love for a person but it will end-up self-destructive...

As Virii said, you will feel less and less constricted by your emotions to this girl as time goes on and you meet new people... and once you reach the other side you will have learnt a valuable less about yourself and your emotions.

The next time you fall in love with someone you will be wiser and there is a good chance it will more suitable and sustainable.
 
she has not read it yet as far as i know however there is nothing to do with our relationship here that she has any problems with. if she is unhappy about anything said i will amend it happily! i feel though everything said is fair. i dont think this should be perceived as a moaning thread. i have benefit from this all already and try not to make anyone appear as any thing, i am simply stating facts
 
cleanbluesky said:
Well she's going to see it at some point, and this will turn into a 3-way question and answer session... :p
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if that happens close the thread, i dont think it will though, more likely she will support what i say. until then you can discredit this as much as you want! its at least a step closer to starting my autobiography
 
Matblack said:
I've just read the whole of the 3 main posts and I have to say congratulations, you have done amazingly well to conquour your issues with health and you have achieved what some people will never achieve, in essence you have become a 'normal' young man whatever the hell normal is.

However this leads me on to a second point and one which I don't think you will like all that much. What has happened to you with your girlfriend is 'normal' for a 19 year old, you have had a relationship whcih fell apart when you went away for a while, your girlfriend found another guy and you got your heart broken, happens all the time, and you WILL get over it. Yes it hit you harder because you have had other issues but its still a normal part of everyday life. Your first real love will always be special, she will always be someone you say 'what if?' about but this way trouble lies. Because she was your first major love you can't see the flaws in the relationship, if you use this as a yardstick to measure future relationships you will only hurt yourself, like you have gone and explored new countries go and explore new people too. Don't get hung up on going back to a country which has revoked your passport and you have little hope of returning too, constantly mooning over your holiday snaps, find another different destination.

You have come so far and conquoured so many things that people told you you never would, don't be stopped in your tracks by the same thing all teenagers experience (heartbreak) get back out there and have fun again.

MB
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hard to reply as on my phone, but that is good advice thank you! i am trying to move on, i think i felt discussing it openly would help achieve this!
 
cleanbluesky said:
Given that the illness effects your psycholgoical makeup and temprement that is something we can never know for certain, but I would reccommend not feeling like a victim to your illness if possible.

It is hard, it is certainly a very hard illness and it has taken a part of your life - what I reccommend is that you dont let it cast its shadow any further.
Perhaps part of this is realising that people are free to do as they please, and if you cant have someone you love it isnt always a bad thing. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, sometimes you can feel brilliant love for a person but it will end-up self-destructive...

As Virii said, you will feel less and less constricted by your emotions to this girl as time goes on and you meet new people... and once you reach the other side you will have learnt a valuable less about yourself and your emotions.

The next time you fall in love with someone you will be wiser and there is a good chance it will more suitable and sustainable.
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Excellent advice.

I can't say I'm hugely comfortable reading all this about someone I have (albeit briefly) met and will no doubt meet again. Maybe an online blog would be a better place to unload?
 
Whether it ended because of your illness or because of your stay in Oz or because things move on or a combination of them you'll never really know.
Furthermore it doesn't really matter either.

There are a couple of things though that struck me in your post and I don't want to seem like it is a criticism but you might want to think about the way you treated her with regards to her going to the pub etc.

When you are going out with someone you do NOT own them. They are not yours to command. She resorted to lieing to you because you were a bit overbearing on that issue. Take people as they are, being their boyfriend conveys no authority or special rights over them. If they do things you dislike then maybe they aren't for you. Being with someone is not the same as telling them how to live.

Then again I doubt that many people on here have NEVER been a bit of a control freak in a relationship. So if you learn one thing from this perhaps it is to love someone for who they are and the things that they do and NOT for who you want them to be or for the things that you want them to do.
 
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