I just want to make a brief apology to anything that Holly may have felt violated by from what I said, but anything said in the thread is nothing that is not general knowledge to my friends anyway (well to do with the relationship). The comment about violation if that is true I do apologise, but i struggle to understand that issue when our sex life and more has been openly discussed in front of people before. However thats not to say that it is right for me to have not consulted you before posting. I do feel though that the parts that may make Holly feel violated is actually a fairly small part of the whole situation. Everything really stems back from 5 years ago. Holly wasnt there to help me get better, just our relationship gave me something I couldnt have got from anyone else. I gained a lot of confidence through her, and learnt that I could love again. I do apologise about the details of the person Holly was with, my memory is obviously not great anyway and I tried to get it as accurate as possible. Wether that changes the situation at all is a completely different matter. As for Holly I would appreciate you emailing me the details I may have got wrong, though I dont think it changes pretty much any of the whole situation.
Thanks for everyones input, not sure about some of the feedback, as it has kind of missed the point on some places. Someone mentioned about putting all my eggs into one basket, I didnt do that as such. Just my most valuable eggs were stored with Holly. Those who know me will know I am a very caring person and value people higher than anything else. Holly I valued more than I could have ever expressed to her, and more than I perhaps even did express to her. Which is a shame and something I can not change now.
Someone also quoted me from a previous thread, the comment was taken out of context there really. It was Holly correcting me on saying I had cried more recently than I had said, which was a pretty irrelevant comment as it made no difference to the way I was feeling. I at the time if I were to have posted the thread would have left out any part of the story that made me appear bad (because i wasnt a great boyfriend all the time), and would have put things in black and white and could have made Holly sound nasty. The fact is she was not, she dealt with things her own way, which unfortunately is not the way i would have dealt with them.
I was accused of trying to control Holly, although it may seem like that, it was never my intention subconciously or conciously. To me it was just a few things that I had personal problems with that she did, I made them clear, because why have a relationship with out discussions of problems. Holly decided that she no longer wanted to do some of these things, and some times decided that she didnt want to tell me. She didnt want to tell me fair enough in fear that i would react badly... Which I would, but only because I have severe trouble controlling my emotions at points. It is something I really regret, and each time I reflect on these situations they really hurt. This is not to say that either of us were correct in our actions. In certain situations things were more my fault, and my reactions were worse. But in other situations I believe that perhap I reacted better.
This whole thread is not to make Holly look bad, because I dont think she is at all. We are different people now, that is a fact I am currently dealing with. Holly is an amazing person, and I will sing her praises til the cows come home. However I just wanted to get all the facts and details down into this thread to best try to explain who I am and why I feel the way I do. With out all of these details I do honestly believe that this would just appear to be another crying emo girlfriend thread. I am not saying its not, but surely there are parts of this all that make the situation slightly more unique.
People perhaps consider posting on this forum a bad idea because we both use it. I chose this forum because it gives Holly a chance to correct any facts, also because I use this forum more than any other forum. I have friends on this forum who can read it and understand more from the situation than they already do, just because there are certain things I know they would not take into consideration normally.
Finally there was a post about failing college because of a girl. It was not just Holly why I failed college, it was because of my more depressed state and I was staying up late and not sleeping properly. I started off missing the odd lecture to get out early and catch the earlier train for her.
Just to say to Holly again, if you could let me know any incorrect facts I will change them in my original post because I have no intention of having this thread full of false information.
EDIT: One last message to Cleanbluesky. I dont have any intentions of turning this forum into some type of cheap shot at someone I cared for. A few of the points you have raised have been interesting, but your general approach to this all I find shocking. I am not here to make someone look bad, I am simply trying to be as honest as I can to get some good advice. If you want me to write the message I was going to have written when I wrote that thread I will be more than happy to oblige but factually it will be off, and also it will make me seem like a victim and holly seem horrible. That I do not want to do!
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