My first relationship thread, consisting of multiple OCUKers.

mctiny · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:07

I've just spent the best part of an hour reading the entire story/life of sepheh.
Right now I'm lost as to how to repy thoughtfully, but I'll take a little time to digest everything, so I'm able to give the best reply I possibly can. As already said it takes courage and guts to write those things and even more so to do it in pubic such as this, I take my hat of to you and salute you for being so courageous, thoughtful and open about such a hard life and illness that you've dealt with over the years.

I haven`t read all the replys just yet, but I will, to be honest the initial post touched me so much I just couldn't bring myself to reading anymore, also I can relate to somethings you mention.

Final thought (for now): a long post indeed but worth the time, you have coped with so much it makes my own personal problems seem less important now.
<to be continued>

Zip · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:20

People say honesty is the way foward.

From what i saw in the OP it was as honest as he could make it. He did not once make it dishonest or make of person look better or worse then the other.

He just wrote down all the things that happened in his life and you lot are all opposing that because "The other partys might not want it on the forum" which is BS imo.

What a lot of you want him to do is write a story with out all the bits that happened, you want him to leave out the important bits and only be stuck with all sorts of different parts that wouldn't make sense because some of its missing.

He gave the full story and i appreciate him doing that because it makes things a bit clearer and it helps people be able to help him better.

Its better her does it on an internet forum anyway, he could have done it somewhere were if it all went really bad it would mess up hollys life due to people not liking her?
On he she could get away from it all by just not reading it.

I ask you all these question. If Holly wrote the story exactly the same way as Sepheh then would you all be telling her that she shouldnt have brough him up in it?
Or have you just been whinging about him writing about her just because she has ****?

If she wasnt on this forum you would all be telling him to punch her in the overies and stab her in the norks.

So think about some of the things you reply to him before you post and if it was the other way around how would you reply?

He just told the truth, and the truth is the way forward imo even if it hurts.

Sepheh · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:22

Quick reply FAO of certain people who know who they are. I feel that I have been treated unfairly in the fact that I posted all about this. Holly has in the past made a thread about our relationship it was said, but I never was consulted as to wether I wanted the thread to exist. The pressure been put on to me about this thread is ridiculous as i have done everything i can to make the statements fair and just. There are a couple of pieces of information which may be misinterpretted and they should have been cleared up by now. I think this thread also shows how awful human nature can be. I have not made anyone take sides and have stated equally both of our flaws. Certain parts of this are being focussed on in ways they are not supposed to be. People who have met Holly obviously will immediatly take her side in this whole situation, and this will obviously make me look worse than I am for first creating this thread. However, there are parts of this that I have left out to make things as neutral as possible. I have no where left to talk about this any more... My reasons for this I feel are best left unsaid in order to make no-one look bad in all of this.

Otacon · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:25

Zip said:
I ask you all these question. If Holly wrote the story exactly the same way as Sepheh then would you all be telling her that she shouldnt have brough him up in it?

Yes, and we have done before. The only reason this thread is still visible is her permission for it to be here, and her lack of contribution, keeping this thread about Sepheh so he can have his advice.

fatiain · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:28

One more thing Sepheh - paragraphs dude, paragraphs!

Sepheh · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:29

Otacon said:
Yes, and we have done before. The only reason this thread is still visible is her permission for it to be here, and her lack of contribution, keeping this thread about Sepheh so he can have his advice.

I would just like to say I have talked to her about it and I know there are some things that she would rather not have been posted, but she does agree that it is all factual.

I feel I am being discredited harshly by the way this thread has been approached by some people. I know you approached her asking if she wanted the thread closed. I dont think I have been approached if ever she has made a thread about me though. May sound arguementative but it is a true a fair fact.

Otacon · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:33

Sepheh said:
I know you approached her asking if she wanted the thread closed.

I didnt, the team did. It was reported by a team member and was decided that she should have the say while the thread was about you.

Sepheh said:
I dont think I have been approached if ever she has made a thread about me though. May sound arguementative but it is a true a fair fact.

I recall none of her threads along these lines in the past, and I see nothing in the moderator forums.

'Airing dirty laundry' is something we've never allowed on the forums, it's neither appropriate nor right that it be done on a public forum that both parties post on, or are involved with.

Sepheh · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:42

Otacon said:
I didnt, the team did. It was reported by a team member and was decided that she should have the say while the thread was about you.

I recall none of her threads along these lines in the past, and I see nothing in the moderator forums.

'Airing dirty laundry' is something we've never allowed on the forums, it's neither appropriate nor right that it be done on a public forum that both parties post on.

Yes and thats why I have tried so hard for this not to be airing dirty laundry. I approached Holly first. If any of you realise how much I respect and love Holly you would know that I dont want to discredit who she is at all. I am trying to be fair in this whole situation. Fair enough none of her threads have been along the lines of me explaining five years of my life, two and half of which happens to be a relationship. Quite possibly the point in all of this has been missed. I want people to know how amazing Holly is, and the people who have met her can only know this. She makes you smile and is such good fun. Nothing can ever take that away from her, nothing can change her good spirit. I just felt that I wanted to discuss me, on a forum, where people i know read, and a good percentage of the viewers i have through their posts learned to understand and have a sense of respect on their opinions. I had more chance of finding someone to relate to here than anywhere else. I apologise for a couple of bits of inaccurate information, and a couple of bits of information which Holly has made me aware she wasnt to comfortable being shared. But at the same time she has expressed it to me that she doesnt mind this being put up here, as she feels she owes it to me. At the same time she does also say that she doesnt want me to change anything I have said, althought I have made a couple of alterations to yet again make this as accurate as possible. I am not here to cause problems and to make people look bad, I am here to get things in the open. I could have gone and posted a stupid reply to all of this saying omg wtf i woz here first innit who carez *** she finks. But lets face it, thats not who I am, if she had a massive issue with what was being said here I would have myself requested the thread to be closed and deleted. I dont want to cause friction between anyone. I try to be a decent guy and most people I know would swear on it that I am. I dont want any hard feelings between anyone, I just need to talk about this, because there is no other forseeable way i can see this being any easier for me.

Otacon · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:44

And nobody is stopping you

You have her to thank for that.

Sepheh · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:47

Otacon said:
And nobody is stopping you You have her to thank for that.

I know that... I seem to think that this thread is so derailed from the point now that... Yet again not the intention of it all! *sigh* I am not a bad person, but this thread is being twisted to make it appear I am, with certain peoples replies, making it seem as if I was writing this as a personal vendetta against her. No need for finger pointing anymore. Would be nice to get this back on topic.

Zip · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:47

Otacon said:
And nobody is stopping you You have her to thank for that.

I think he was just getting anoyed because every one was attacking him for posting about her.
I can see where he is coming from aswell because for awhile there it was almost like every post was like "OMG U ROTE BOUT HER ON ZE INTERWEB, SHAME ON YOU!!!!"
Which i found was extreemly unfair on him.

Otacon · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:48

Who's pointing the finger :confused:

I addressed Zip, you then addressed me.

This thread is exactly what you wanted - opinion from third parties. You have to accept that there's going to be some you're not going to like.

Saberu · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:49

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lolparagraphIT!!

cleanbluesky · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:49

Sepheh said:
I am not a bad person, but this thread is being twisted to make it appear I am, with certain peoples replies, making it seem as if I was writing this as a personal vendetta against her. No need for finger pointing anymore.

I dont think that. I think you're a love sick puppy but you need to take control of your own emotions.

Holly seems nice, but there are lots of nice girls. Recently I have watched a friend make embarrass himself over trying too hard for a girl. There comes a point where persuing someone is not worth the hassle, no matter who they are.

Would be nice to get this back on topic.

What is the topic? It seems to shift...

Zip said:
I think he was just getting anoyed because every one was attacking him for posting about her.
I can see where he is coming from aswell because for awhile there it was almost like every post was like "OMG U ROTE BOUT HER ON ZE INTERWEB, SHAME ON YOU!!!!"
Which i found was extreemly unfair on him.

People have been critical that he is discussing personal aspects of another forum member. Would you like your ex to post on here?

Tank · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:53

Sepheh · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:54

cleanbluesky said:
I dont think that. I think you're a love sick puppy but you need to take control of your own emotions.

Holly seems nice, but there are lots of nice girls.

What is the topic? It seems to shift...

If reading the links in my original post it would be obvious that controlling emotions is something very difficult for me.

Sorry Otacon finger pointing was the wrong term. I dont know the structure of the forums, but surely people could have asked Holly using her public email address about me posting this rather than everyone just throwing accusations at me. I know for instance it seemed as if cleanbluesky was suggesting I was making this as a grudge thread using something I said on a seperate thread.

Locrian · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:54

Ok Sepheh Holly is a perfect angel, we get that, but since I niether know or care about her i couldnt give a monkies how great she is. The more you idolise her, the harder it will be for you to get over. Stop looking at all those good qualities and look at some of the bad ones for a change.

pinkacidbootson · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:55

Amazing. I read it all!

goldilocks · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:57

Otacon said:
This thread is exactly what you wanted - opinion from third parties. You have to accept that there's going to be some you're not going to like.

i agree - all people have different opinions on what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'
you yourself discovered this in your relationship, and have posted about it, sepheh

i don't know what you want people to say?
you're saying this isn't about a grudge, or about airing dirty laundry
so are you looking for a 'oh well life goes on, things will get easier'?
surely you know that?! even if things feel rough now - they will get better
you don't need the opinions of other people to know how your relationship was, and how you are feeling now
no one can tell you what to feel, or how to react
you just have to look inside your heart and see what 'it' says

but you have to realise that if you ask open ended questions about things like a relationship, you are going to get conflicting replies

if you don't want those - keep it between yoursleves

cleanbluesky · 19 Jun 2006 at 18:57

Sepheh said:
If reading the links in my original post it would be obvious that controlling emotions is something very difficult for me.

There is no guaruntee that controlling your emotions is harder for you than anyone else, it is not a certainty that your condition is forcing you to feel anything. If it is, you could consider it part of your rehabilitation to put yourself on the emotional straight and narrow.

You need to ask yourself whether it is better to be alone and pine or to get over Ms Holly and try and move on.