My first relationship thread, consisting of multiple OCUKers.
- Thread starter Sepheh
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At the risk of sounding like a complete **** my impression from reading your posts is that you need to get over yourself, stop thinking of yourself as ill and somehow different from everyone else your age. Yes you were ill and you don't know exactly how it has affected you but every symptom you describe sounds pretty much like what most people go through at around that age.
Stop thinking so much about what you can't now have with Holly and move on dude, go out with your mates and have a good time or something. You need to lighten up, you've got your whole life ahead etc.
Stop thinking so much about what you can't now have with Holly and move on dude, go out with your mates and have a good time or something. You need to lighten up, you've got your whole life ahead etc.
Pants said:
Nowhere near back, I would love to be positive and to say that I am over halfway as better as i wish to have been but it would be a lie. I work in a bar, sometimes I turn around to get a drink from the fridge turn back around and forgot who i was serving
Ive read the best part fo this thread, most of what I would say has been said, I would also suggest as you are a Christian the possibility of talking to others or some kinda youth leader/ minister. Or just some other random christain, it may help as they may know a bit more where some of your thoughts and beliefs are coming from. My emails in my sig...
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Zip said:Im one to
Sepheh said:I just care a lot for this girl, she is something special and I right now I care more about her than I do about myself... Its the wrong attitude, but its just the way I feel right now and I cant help it
Complety natural and it will go away. Promise. It may take a day or two though
Well he didn't nessicerily need to name her but ive noticed a lot of people know who his ex is any way because they both have mentioned it before.VIRII said:
And she had told him that she didnt mind so i dont see it being as a problem that he said her name
Zip said:
However for those of us who weren't aware of his prior relationship it seemed a bit off. I am sure you can understand why if you look at the thread from the point of view of someone who was not aware of their relationship and or sex activities - which is probably most of us.
I think everyone who has posted wishes him well and gives him kudos for overcoming his illness. Much of his current fear seems pretty normal for someone his age, there is the possibility that the illness is a sort of crutch, it's being blamed for the failure of a relationship. Yet my gut feel is that 6 months in Oz and being overly controlling did not help at all.
Sepheh - you need to move on, to stop allowing the illness to control your life, it's time to master it. Start taking responsibility for what you do and stop assuming everything stems to that terrible time. Move on.
For what it is worth my Father suffered enormous brain damage after being dragged under a car. He had 7 head fractures and lost 1/3 of his brain mass. He spent 2 years in hospital. If you were to meet him today you'd never have guessed what he went through, not in a million years. He's in Mensa, still passed his battle fitness test at 65 and was a very successful Officer post accident.
Your fears of rejection and fears of being unable to maintain a relationship and certainly the heartache you're feeling now are all very par for the course.
First things first, [grammar nazi] for the love of god use paragraphs man, that was a complete **** to read[/grammar nazi] 
Apart from that was an interesting read, the illness sounds seriously ****** up, my short term memory is a bit dodgy at times but never to that extent and i can't even begin to imagine what it is like to have to deal with all of that. Glad to hear that you are getting better tough, although it sounds like you still have a fair amount of work to do to completely conquer your illness, good luck is all i can say really.
As for the relationship thing, just walk away, brak all contact with Holly (not saying she's done anything wrong) but it works, when i split up with my ex 18 months ago now, at first i tried to stay frineds with her and it just hurt even more after a month we stopped talking and in one week after that i had gone further to dealing with it than i had in a month before hand.
It may hurt but don't sit there beating yourself up about it, you loved her and it went tit's up, welcome to the wonderful land of life where **** happens and then you die We have all been there and at the time it feels as if someone has reached down your throat and torn out your innards, but in time it will heal and you will look back on it with a smile, remembering all the good times you had together, and realise that you wern't actually right for each other, and you will, again with time, come to realise this and look back on things which become more and more apparent as to why you were not meant to be.
At the end of the day i think you need to take a bit of your own advice, you said that at one point during your illness you adopted a **** you attitude, you did it once at a much more serous and difficult point, do it again.
Good luck dude
Apart from that was an interesting read, the illness sounds seriously ****** up, my short term memory is a bit dodgy at times but never to that extent and i can't even begin to imagine what it is like to have to deal with all of that. Glad to hear that you are getting better tough, although it sounds like you still have a fair amount of work to do to completely conquer your illness, good luck is all i can say really.
As for the relationship thing, just walk away, brak all contact with Holly (not saying she's done anything wrong) but it works, when i split up with my ex 18 months ago now, at first i tried to stay frineds with her and it just hurt even more after a month we stopped talking and in one week after that i had gone further to dealing with it than i had in a month before hand.
It may hurt but don't sit there beating yourself up about it, you loved her and it went tit's up, welcome to the wonderful land of life where **** happens and then you die
We have all been there and at the time it feels as if someone has reached down your throat and torn out your innards, but in time it will heal and you will look back on it with a smile, remembering all the good times you had together, and realise that you wern't actually right for each other, and you will, again with time, come to realise this and look back on things which become more and more apparent as to why you were not meant to be.At the end of the day i think you need to take a bit of your own advice, you said that at one point during your illness you adopted a **** you attitude, you did it once at a much more serous and difficult point, do it again.
Good luck dude
I dont mean to come accross as arogant from this post, but a lot of people are saying not to let my illness control me. I dont really let it control me, its moments when I am down and upset that I mention it and let it get me down. In general though due to the way it has effected me there are parts which are near impossible to control. The emotional side of my illness is very difficult to conqour, in the same sense that I can not just suddenly remember everything again. I can't just take control of my emotions, although the brain is an amazing thing, one thing people should know is the brain does not heal itself. It simply adapts. Therefor when I did have this illness eating away at my brain for two or so weeks there was fairly substantial amount of damage. To show the MRI scan would be shocking really. Obviously I seem a lot better than I am because I was fortunate enough to have all of the damage localised to my temporal lobe. In the same sense though this has made the damage there extensive. It not only effects my emotions and memory but also word finding skills. I often say and use the wrong words with out realising it (common thing I guess people would say anyway). I honestly do my best to try not to let my illness effect, but when it does have such a major effect on my life it is often difficult.
I dont consider myself unique in a sense that I am so much better than everyone else. I do consider myself unique in the sense that everyone is unique. I also find it difficult to find people to relate to, so when people have assumed that I am just saying that I am so unique it is only through my experience. I have tried to find people with similar experiences and even through my first couple of years going in and out of hospital I have always been told my case is unique. These are by doctors who deal with this every day. By doctors who are specialists in a hospital that deals with a large number of the serious neurological cases in the country.
Apologies for everyone I have upset with out the use of paragraphs! Understand it was all difficult enough to write that entire episode of my life down with out worrying extensively about grammar and spelling... I think I did alright minus the paragraphs
I dont consider myself unique in a sense that I am so much better than everyone else. I do consider myself unique in the sense that everyone is unique. I also find it difficult to find people to relate to, so when people have assumed that I am just saying that I am so unique it is only through my experience. I have tried to find people with similar experiences and even through my first couple of years going in and out of hospital I have always been told my case is unique. These are by doctors who deal with this every day. By doctors who are specialists in a hospital that deals with a large number of the serious neurological cases in the country.
Apologies for everyone I have upset with out the use of paragraphs! Understand it was all difficult enough to write that entire episode of my life down with out worrying extensively about grammar and spelling... I think I did alright minus the paragraphs
Wow 
. After spending the last couple of days reading through this thread, it has really been on my mind.
As has been mentioned by several others, I think it's amazing how you have recovered to your current state from such a life threatening illness. Although you still have a ways to go before you are fully recovered, try and stay positive and work toward that end goal.
With respect to the relationship problem the best thing you can do is to take a break from seeing/speaking to your ex. It seems that at the moment you still have a friendship, but you both want different things from it. If you continue along this path, you will both come to resent each other, which will only make the situation a lot worse.
My suggestion is to spend a couple of hours collecting all the things from your relationship and anything that reminds you of Holly, and putting them into a storage box, which you can put away until you have had the time to heal. Try and do this with the idea of closure in your mind. Once this is done, cease all contact with Holly and find something that can fill the time (a hobby or a group of friends, work, etc) that will give you something else to focus on. The best way for you to deal with this, is a clean break. If it makes it easier, set goals for yourself (I won't call Holly today, etc) and mark them off a list. Basically, do whatever it takes to make that break.
For something to fill your time, I think it would be good to have a hobby or activity that can challenge you both mentally and physically. Since mental and physical health is linked, it would be a great benefit for you to extend yourself in both areas. Personally I have found that a martial art can do this, but I'm sure there are heaps of other things you can do, if a martial art is not your thing. You need to find something that interests you and give it a go.
I can never understand how hard it has been for you the last 5 years, but I wish you all the best for the future.
. After spending the last couple of days reading through this thread, it has really been on my mind. As has been mentioned by several others, I think it's amazing how you have recovered to your current state from such a life threatening illness. Although you still have a ways to go before you are fully recovered, try and stay positive and work toward that end goal.
With respect to the relationship problem the best thing you can do is to take a break from seeing/speaking to your ex. It seems that at the moment you still have a friendship, but you both want different things from it. If you continue along this path, you will both come to resent each other, which will only make the situation a lot worse.
My suggestion is to spend a couple of hours collecting all the things from your relationship and anything that reminds you of Holly, and putting them into a storage box, which you can put away until you have had the time to heal. Try and do this with the idea of closure in your mind. Once this is done, cease all contact with Holly and find something that can fill the time (a hobby or a group of friends, work, etc) that will give you something else to focus on. The best way for you to deal with this, is a clean break. If it makes it easier, set goals for yourself (I won't call Holly today, etc) and mark them off a list. Basically, do whatever it takes to make that break.
For something to fill your time, I think it would be good to have a hobby or activity that can challenge you both mentally and physically. Since mental and physical health is linked, it would be a great benefit for you to extend yourself in both areas. Personally I have found that a martial art can do this, but I'm sure there are heaps of other things you can do, if a martial art is not your thing. You need to find something that interests you and give it a go.
I can never understand how hard it has been for you the last 5 years, but I wish you all the best for the future.
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