My first relationship thread, consisting of multiple OCUKers.

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Sepheh,

Although I have already replied I will reply once more and hope that you are ok with that.

I have never contracted an illness such as yours but do to my past I have damaged my memory and to an extent my ability to control my emotions.

In regards to Holly, it is time to let your relationship and your feelings rest. To continue on praising her and repeating how you want to get back together is not helping anyone – least of all you and Holly. When you look back in 10 years time you will be better off remembering the love and happiness you shared as opposed to months of pain and hurt that neither of you intend(ed) to cause.

Love is a very powerful emotion and the hardest to control. But it can be great and what amazing things can be created as a result of it – life itself created as a result of love.

Close your eyes, remember a happy moment from what you had, then let it fade. Open your eyes and realise its time to start over, for both of you.

To continue this journey of hoping for a happy reunion is a journey destined for failure. It is not going to happen – especially not at this moment in your life.

As has been said place all those things that remind you of her in a box and keep it somewhere out of sight but safe. Remove all those pictures from your pc/phone/wallet. Stop listening to those songs that remind you of her. Start anew.

Holly has proven herself to be far more mature than many girls her age and should be applauded for that. It is not an easy task to see a former lovers heart opened so and still support him in his attempt to move on. It would seem that you are a special person. (ps sepheh don’t quote this bit it is not needed as mentioned above ;) )

This thread is about you and how you can move forward. To get it back on track post a plan of what you are going to do over the next couple of months listing the things that you think will help you and why.

Good luck mes amis and bon voyage.
 
I still dont know what to do. I feel very lonely now, I miss the closeness. I dont want to get back with Holly anymore though. We are different people, I have changed positively since I have been in australia and Holly has just changed. I wont say my feelings of how she has changed as it is not appropriate. I dont want to look at Holly in a negative light because the things I can look at her negatively only will upset me more than looking at her as I perceive her now. The negative aspects of Holly are the things that have hurt me severly. Her turning off her feelings for me has hurt me a lot, I dont understand where such strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days.

Its been a while now obviously since Holly and I have been apart now (officially a few months, emotionally not so long for me) and I am trying to follow her own advice which was to go and find someone else. She did say that she would be upset when I did, but as people have said I shouldnt be using that as an excuse. My friend today Charlie (a female Charlie) was really consolling me and giving me lots of hugs and I realised she is the type of person I would like to be in a relationship with next. In that sense that she is really caring, but also knows when to joke but when to be serious and has a similar sense of humour. Unfortunately she is only interested in girls... :o Just my luck hey. She is really intelligent and I think knows a lot about my type of illness from my vague conversations with her. She is of great comfort to me and really my type. If I was to follow advice from people I would ask her out. Problem is she is a lesbian, so now I am wondering what is wrong with my taste in women! :o

Moving on swiftly. Someone suggested starting a hobby thats a good idea and I am trying to do that, I want to get fit and tone up my muscles so a gym is the best idea for me at the moment. However it is financially unfeasible for me, so I will stick to my cycling at the moment. Problem is all my passions at the moment remind me of Holly. We share lots of similar interests and its hard to not be reminded of her. Where my career is heading unfortunately will remind me a lot of Holly.

I am trying to start a new stage of my life now and that stage of my life I dont want Holly involved in at all. As said above though where my career is heading there will be reminders of Holly, however I am following my dream a lot longer than most people will have been following theirs. I am going to be doing something I have been passionate about since my first memories of me. Life moves on, this whole thread though is about my struggle with the moving on. Holly was so much of my life that it is hard to move on. Plus when you are not 100% ready to move on sometimes that doesnt help!
 
Sepheh said:
I still dont know what to do. I feel very lonely now, I miss the closeness. I dont want to get back with Holly anymore though. We are different people, I have changed positively since I have been in australia and Holly has just changed. I wont say my feelings of how she has changed as it is not appropriate. I dont want to look at Holly in a negative light because the things I can look at her negatively only will upset me more than looking at her as I perceive her now. The negative aspects of Holly are the things that have hurt me severly. Her turning off her feelings for me has hurt me a lot, I dont understand where such strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days.

Its been a while now obviously since Holly and I have been apart now (officially a few months, emotionally not so long for me) and I am trying to follow her own advice which was to go and find someone else. She did say that she would be upset when I did, but as people have said I shouldnt be using that as an excuse. My friend today Charlie (a female Charlie) was really consolling me and giving me lots of hugs and I realised she is the type of person I would like to be in a relationship with next. In that sense that she is really caring, but also knows when to joke but when to be serious and has a similar sense of humour. Unfortunately she is only interested in girls... :o Just my luck hey. She is really intelligent and I think knows a lot about my type of illness from my vague conversations with her. She is of great comfort to me and really my type. If I was to follow advice from people I would ask her out. Problem is she is a lesbian, so now I am wondering what is wrong with my taste in women! :o

Moving on swiftly. Someone suggested starting a hobby thats a good idea and I am trying to do that, I want to get fit and tone up my muscles so a gym is the best idea for me at the moment. However it is financially unfeasible for me, so I will stick to my cycling at the moment. Problem is all my passions at the moment remind me of Holly. We share lots of similar interests and its hard to not be reminded of her. Where my career is heading unfortunately will remind me a lot of Holly.

I am trying to start a new stage of my life now and that stage of my life I dont want Holly involved in at all. As said above though where my career is heading there will be reminders of Holly, however I am following my dream a lot longer than most people will have been following theirs. I am going to be doing something I have been passionate about since my first memories of me. Life moves on, this whole thread though is about my struggle with the moving on. Holly was so much of my life that it is hard to move on. Plus when you are not 100% ready to move on sometimes that doesnt help!
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Not being ready to move on doesn't help, but you have to move on othewise it will continue to eat at you.

I may be making a bit of a leap here so bear with me, don't sit there thinking that her feelings for you dissapeared overnight, they didn't, and even now i guess they are still there, but what i am guessing she has done is that she has made her decision that you broke up, it's not going to work and it was time for her to move on, it seems to me like she probably still cares for you deeply, but has made her decision and is running with it, which is what you need to do. I may be wrong as i don't know Holly, but from the way you describe how it ended it would seem the logical conclusion to come to, and would be what i would do. Either that or she is seriously in control of her emotions and can turn them off at will which would be beyond any level of emotional control that i have ever come across. If i'm wrong then i apologise, and feel free to correct me.

Yes there will be things that remind you of her and how it was, initially that will hurt but eventually you will whenever you do or see anything that reminds you of her it will always make you smile as you will remember the good times, even now because of my ex whenever i hear certain Iron Maiden songs it always brings a smile to my face, as tey were my ex's favourite band and she's the reason i started listening to them, at first i couldn't listen to them at all as it reminded me of her and it hurt, but now every time i hear certain maiden songs it always raises a smile as i remember the good times with her, and in time the same will be true of you.

Time really is the greatest healer, you will in a month feel immeasurably better about it than you do, in six months you will feel even better than that, in a year to 18 months, every time you think of her it will not be in pain but remembering the good things and will always cheer you up :D
 
My only main advice to you is to go to another specialist the best you can afford for another opinion.
Alternative medication may also help - you could try a good homeopath - sometimes they can be very helpful I know from first hand experience. The Tomatis method may also help (look it up in wikipedia), it generally helps with memory problems, concentration levels and sleep problems, it certainly helped me, but it's not cheap. But really you need to find the source of the problem first and if there's no known medical remedy then consider the alternatives.
 
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Again, interesting read and again I'm impressed (not the right word I know but its late) that you've come on here and expressed your feelings.

Can't say much tbh as I don't feel qualified but I will say what helped me take my mind off something that hurt was spending time with friends (talking about random crap) and also playing some football.

Anywhoo take care. :)
 
read it all before posting, gave up after page1 on the replies tho (page 1 being 80 posts btw).

epic read. thanks for making me do no work for a few hours!

i first of all felt amazed by you, you have over come so much, so much more than most people can ever imagine. yes you have a long way to go but you ahve come so far.
i then started to feel that you need to get over it, and somewhere deep inside me something said dont just post 'get over it'.

millions of people have their hearts broken
millions of people have got over it

first loves stay in our hearts forever, regardless of wether the other person remembers good or bad, all that matters is what you remember. Hell, i havent spoken to my first love since a few days after we broke up, we saw each other every day for near on 5 years together, lived close for a while after yet we never spoke. that ended 9 years ago.
If it hurts seeing Holly, dont see her. Your punishing yourself.

But meh, you will find others to love :]
 
It didnt take me a couple days to make my feelings disappear, and they didnt, but as someone said we broke up and i decided I can either mope around and take my life into a downward spiral, or I can look positively and remember I have the rest of my life ahead of me. It took me quite a while to get out of my downward stage, and iv only really come out of it in the last month or so, and im taking control of it now.
Sepheh coming back has brought some of the emotions back, and even though he is going through a tougher time, it still hurts me as well, even if i've "moved on"
Right now I'm not interested in finding someone to replace him, I'm just living each day as it comes and putting myself first in every decision i make (something i found hard to do when loving and being a part of someone else) and if someone comes along and I feel its right then I wont stop those feelings but as for now I need to find myself more, and only being 18 means I have a long way to go...
 
yes so young, dont get caught in the feeling you must find someone else, as the someone you find will be the wrong person.

let it happen and just have fun on the way :]
 
There has been many wise words spoken - and I err on the side of Morba's post.

I don't want this to get any more personal or private and it's not fair on all those involved or those who know the people involved in person. If people wish to pass on their support they obviously can do - but I don't want people to get hurt or say things that people may regret.

This is why the thread is being closed - not because anyone has done anything bad, but because cans of worms will be opening more and more and this is not the place for it. :)
 
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