new years joke

a bloke goes into a brothel and says to the girl behind the desk how much is sex she says 50 pound.he says i only have a fiver.she says a fiver theres a dark ally down the side of the building why dont you just go down there and have a 5 knuckle shandy.10 mins later he returns and says where do i pay.
 
stukacat said:
a bloke goes into a cafe and asks for a cup of tea and a slice of gatox.the waiter thinks what the hell is gatox and asks the manager who replies he must be a bit dim he must mean the chocolate cake.give him a peice and charge him a tenner.so the waiter goes over and says heres your gatox that will be ten pound.the bloke says ten pound for a piece of gatox bolleau.
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Rofl. :p
 
I actually read the first line thinking that was an actual story of yours xD, I actually quite liked the joke though :D
 
Gillywibble said:
A man was walking through a forest.

He came to a clearing and there was a beautiful girl standing there in the nude.

He said 'are you game?!'

She said 'yes'.

So he shot her.
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I thought that this might be the answer to Stovies question about what is lurking at the bottom of his garden. :D
 
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."

"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.

"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I've ever had."
 
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Ok - I've not ever posted a joke here, and if this is crap feel free to make fun of me all you want.

A man and his wife have been trying for a kid for ages and decide to go to their local GP to see if he can help. The doctor gives them a packet of pill and tells them to take one a day and to keep doing what there doing and to come back in a month.

A month passes and they go back to the GP for a check and the woman tells the doctor she thinks she could be pregnant as she can feel something in her stomach.

The GP checks her over and takes some tests. An hour later the GP comes back with the test results and tells the couple to take a seat. "well i can tell you know you'd better start stock piling the nappies" says the GP. "why am i pregnant?" asks the woman, "No, you've got bowel cancer!!"
 
A British doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A Russian doctor says, 'In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says, 'You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war.
 
Duke said:
A British doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A Russian doctor says, 'In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says, 'You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war.
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That's lamer than my joke dude...by MILES...
 
Oh I can do better (worse) than that :)


Why did the blond take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
 
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