OcUK Dadsnet thread

Desmo said:
Adopted children WILL test you more than the average child, especially when they are a little older when they come to you. In a very simple way, they're testing their security with you. How far can you be pushed and will you still be there for them. Obviously they don't really do this on a conscious level but it's there.
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Oh, he knows what he is doing alright :p

From his point of view:

"You little buggers have uprooted me from a secure household where I could watch Paw Patrol all day. I didn't ask for this and you have basically abducted me. Now that I'm here, you're going to have to earn the right to have me call you mummy and daddy."

To be honest, I don't blame him. However, social workers have noticed a massive improvement in speech, gross & fine motor skills and his social skills were pretty good today. He didn't kick off when other kids engaged and joined in of a sorts, which is impressive for him. He has reacted badly in the past when another child played with me.

But yes, I guess it boils down to him not feeling temporary and developing security. He knows that I am taking him away when he is older for a massive trip and he can see me putting "adventure tickets" aside for it. While he won't get the concept fully, he realises that there is a future of some sorts. He was wonderfully overjoyed at that and gave me a huge kiss.

Desmo said:
Part of the fun with adoption is figuring out if something is normal child behaviour or if it is to do with the adoption. As time goes by, the adoption side becomes smaller and you start to realise ALL children are little ***** at times :D
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To be honest, he is far more 'normal' than I'd expect considering everything. I even managed to get him in the bath after making the fatal error of showing him how a toy train works just before I ran the bath :p

Note: Don't show them anything exciting when you want them to do something else...
 
bakes0310 said:
CCTV in the house, do you live in prison?
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Haha.

Nah, we were broken into last year so we installed cameras everywhere to catch the little scrotes if they do it again. It's not turned on when we're home obviously.

But just the fact that the partner CAN turn it on ... that's enough to keep me in line :p

And vice versa.
 
So we have a 7 month old son and we have just booked him into nursery for starting next year. One thing that occurred to me later was that once he starts school, how on Earth do parents who both work full time cope with all the school holidays, in terms of childcare whilst working?

Would be interested to hear your views / situations. My partner will go back 3 days a week once her maternity finishes up, and obviously school is a LONG way away yet, but it certainly got me thinking! Particularly with the summer hols...when they are too young to be left alone in the house etc.
 
physichull said:
So we have a 7 month old son and we have just booked him into nursery for starting next year. One thing that occurred to me later was that once he starts school, how on Earth do parents who both work full time cope with all the school holidays, in terms of childcare whilst working?

Would be interested to hear your views / situations. My partner will go back 3 days a week once her maternity finishes up, and obviously school is a LONG way away yet, but it certainly got me thinking! Particularly with the summer hols...when they are too young to be left alone in the house etc.
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Well, to start when they were 4/5/6 we would take 2 weeks family holiday and then we would each take 7 days off to cover the remainder. As they got older there are holiday clubs, tennis, football etc.

I also changed jobs and went part time so that I could do the school runs and have more time with them (which I loved) whilst my wife stayed full time.

Now they are 15/13 they are a lot easier!

You'll find a way - often resulting in throwing money at the problem!
 
Hodders said:
Well, to start when they were 4/5/6 we would take 2 weeks family holiday and then we would each take 7 days off to cover the remainder. As they got older there are holiday clubs, tennis, football etc.

I also changed jobs and went part time so that I could do the school runs and have more time with them (which I loved) whilst my wife stayed full time.

Now they are 15/13 they are a lot easier!

You'll find a way - often resulting in throwing money at the problem!
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We use grandparents, and WWE each book off 2 weeks (with a week overlap in the middle).
 
physichull said:
So we have a 7 month old son and we have just booked him into nursery for starting next year. One thing that occurred to me later was that once he starts school, how on Earth do parents who both work full time cope with all the school holidays, in terms of childcare whilst working?

Would be interested to hear your views / situations. My partner will go back 3 days a week once her maternity finishes up, and obviously school is a LONG way away yet, but it certainly got me thinking! Particularly with the summer hols...when they are too young to be left alone in the house etc.
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I'm in a similar situation, my daughter starts school next year and it's starting to feel very real as we've just submitted her school application.

Me and my wife work full time so it will be a case of taking a family holiday for 2 weeks of the summer holidays and then both of us using another week each, separately, to cover 4 weeks in total.

That will leave us with 3 weeks holiday each which will probably be split up between Christmas, Easter and half terms.

I always went to summer clubs / sports clubs as a kid or was looked after by my grandparents for part of the holidays. I'll be looking to do the same for our daughter where possible.

The most depressing thing is that holidays are now going to cost twice as much as we'll have to take them when everyone else is. Up until covid, we'd gotten very used to going away at the end of September when everywhere was nice and quiet.
 
DanTheMan said:
I'm in a similar situation, my daughter starts school next year and it's starting to feel very real as we've just submitted her school application.

Me and my wife work full time so it will be a case of taking a family holiday for 2 weeks of the summer holidays and then both of us using another week each, separately, to cover 4 weeks in total.

That will leave us with 3 weeks holiday each which will probably be split up between Christmas, Easter and half terms.

I always went to summer clubs / sports clubs as a kid or was looked after by my grandparents for part of the holidays. I'll be looking to do the same for our daughter where possible.

The most depressing thing is that holidays are now going to cost twice as much as we'll have to take them when everyone else is. Up until covid, we'd gotten very used to going away at the end of September when everywhere was nice and quiet.
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It's not too expensive, we went for s week in Newquay for 1500. It's only about 50% more than normal:D
 
physichull said:
So we have a 7 month old son and we have just booked him into nursery for starting next year. One thing that occurred to me later was that once he starts school, how on Earth do parents who both work full time cope with all the school holidays, in terms of childcare whilst working?
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My daughters nursery also looks after older children after school and also during the holidays so she can go there for any time we don't take a holiday.
 
physichull said:
Would be interested to hear your views / situations. My partner will go back 3 days a week once her maternity finishes up, and obviously school is a LONG way away yet, but it certainly got me thinking! Particularly with the summer hols...when they are too young to be left alone in the house etc.
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Holiday clubs and grandparents to fill the gaps in between annual leave. There's lots of fun activity ones around - lots of sports but others as well. Bet there's something in your local leisure centre.

(all bets are off with COVID around though!)
 
ahar said:
Holiday clubs and grandparents to fill the gaps in between annual leave. There's lots of fun activity ones around - lots of sports but others as well. Bet there's something in your local leisure centre.

(all bets are off with COVID around though!)
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We had to break rules for it anyway, as needed cover for both kids and neither me or my wife can work from home and we couldn't afford to not work.
 
We're in the lucky position that she works from home. Although I have been offered jobs in the US, Italy or Cyprus for a few years where she would just be a kept woman living it up for that period. Turns out she doesn't want that and wants to continue struggling with working at home full time whilst also juggling looking after the boy. Apparently because she doesn't want to live far away from her family, despite barely seeing them due to all the Covid restriction madness.

Woman logic, incredible stuff :D
 
Just had a video LAC review with our new addition.

They are very happy with his progress and they could see his speech was much better with a wider vocab, clearer speech and great engagement with my wife and me. So happy, in fact, that the next scheduled meeting is next year

He is physically improving and wants to be "big and strong like daddy" (he makes an Arnie muscle stance saying this), which made the four social workers laugh. He also sang to them, which he would never have done three months ago. It is evident his confidence is improving significantly.

They were also pleased that I have made a savings account for him and will open an ISA once all the paperwork for formal adoption has gone through and he takes on our surname. I have spoken to our child about this and he understands that when he is bigger and stronger, he will travel to the "big, big hills with daddy" and "go above the clouds", just to show there is a future where we will all be together.

Due to an issue at work, I've had to start WFH this week and he is responding well to that, giving me space to work on the understanding I pop downstairs at times to play with him. It is novel and he has adapted very well to it.

Although he can be testing at times, neither of us can imagine life without him now. I just hope the courts decide in our favour and that we have evidenced we are benefitting him and his development. It is awesome how much his confidence has developed over the past few months though and how comfortable he has made himself at his new home. I'd have thought he'd bring more baggage with him, but it doesn't seem to be the case. So far.

We are both aware that, in the future, he may want to seek his birth parents out. He'll get full support form us as I really don't want him to think it is unwelcome and him falling foul of the scummy sites extorting money from vulnerable people with vague promises. Shills for these scumbags seem pretty prominent on adoption sites.

Pretty happy with everything so far, with the support of the social workers being amazing.
 
At this stage it's very rare for a court to go against the placement order unless the birth family have made significant changes which is usually very unlikely. Fingers crossed for you though :)

We have a meeting with birth family coming up soon and we all have a great time. Hopefully soon they will become a part of our "family". It's not about us, but about the children :)
 
Desmo said:
At this stage it's very rare for a court to go against the placement order unless the birth family have made significant changes which is usually very unlikely. Fingers crossed for you though :)

We have a meeting with birth family coming up soon and we all have a great time. Hopefully soon they will become a part of our "family". It's not about us, but about the children :)
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Cheers and, yes, totally about the child. I cannot see a meeting with the BP(s) in the foreseeable future as, well, it'd be very difficult. However, we hope to when they are in an appropriate position.

You sound like you're doing great, though, which is awesome!
 
Gosh I can't believe it's been nearly 4 years since I posted in here expecting the arrival of our girl.

Always makes me smile when I see this thread pop up on GD again.

Don't worry new parents, you got this. In the past 4 years since we've had our kid I tried and failed to start a business got myself into and out of a load of debt and now make a decent living in the middle east.

Crazy how things can change... Kinda want another one now to see what the next chapter brings!
 
Never ever leave your child for one second. My 13 month boy somehow managed to feel his way to a big pot of sudocrem. My Bissel carpet cleaner sorted it out thank god!

A4lwSbq.jpg
 
My carpet usually ends up like that, once I have it on my hand, the stuff is horrendous, you get a little bit on your finger and before you know it's spread everywhere, clothes, walls, carpet.
 
My 8 month old daughter has recently started crawling and she gets EVERYWHERE!! I feel like im constantly picking things up off the floor so she doesn't pick them up and stick them in her mouth.

I swear her big sister never did this when she was a baby!!
 
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