Home alone for the week. Partner and my 4 month old gone down to Christchurch to visit the grandparents. It's so weird ... sleeping. Kinda feeling out of sorts. Been secretly looking forward to this for weeks and now that I can do what I want I don't know what to do with myself.
OcUK Dadsnet thread
- Thread starter Devrij
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I've got the same thing tomorrow evening for a week. I'm filling it with serious efforts on squadrons, loads of cooking and a bit of gap here and there.
Meh, I would consider it but we have CCTV cameras all over the house and it'll just be my luck that the partner logs in on the app with the baby and the in-laws to say 'Hi!' and catch me with my pants down.
I ended up drinking a minor amount of whiskey and listlessly playing some Civ 6
CCTV in the house, do you live in prison?
Nine weeks into adopting our three year old and he is starting to find his voice, which is nice.
I primarily look after him on weekends and evening, due to work, and last Sunday he started being somewhat obnoxious. Oppositional, awkward and generally unpleasant. I had taken him and his friend to a trampoline centre and he didn't want to come back and started being really grouchy. His friend, being a well-mannered immigrant kid*, was left feeling awkward and looked embarrassed. However, our child had just met his foster parents the day before and was probably a little confused as well as being a general dick.
In the car, our child's friend was just covering his face with his hands
Anyway, I reported back to my wife "Oh, he's just finding his voice" and so on. Yup, I thought, he certainly is.
After lunch, I decided to take him the park as he appeared to be in a better mood. So I asked his friend and, with a little trepidation, he accepted and we went out again.
Bad move.
We bumped into a 5 year old girl and her mum who I am friends with, so all three kids were playing. There was some interaction and all seemed well until I had the brainwave of getting them all cooperating and playing with a slinky.
5 year old girl at one end, neighbour's kid on the other and my child in the middle, we made a triangle. We stretched the slinky further and further until neighbour's kid's end of the slinky slipped and snapped into my child's hand.
Armageddon ensued. Tears and bawling, neighbour's kid apologising his little heart out and 5 year old girl looking startled.
It was back to him being a foul little beast, 5 year old girl asking me why he was being weird and neighbour's kid getting PTSD.
He is much better this weekend, but exhibited his demonic side to my wife on Wednesday before coming to get me from work. She looked traumatised.
I welcome his personality coming through, as it shows he is getting more secure, but it drains me. Especially as some of the kids I teach have serious behavioural issues and have been kicked out of mainstream
*Maybe not all immigrant kids are well mannered, but this one is an angel!
I primarily look after him on weekends and evening, due to work, and last Sunday he started being somewhat obnoxious. Oppositional, awkward and generally unpleasant. I had taken him and his friend to a trampoline centre and he didn't want to come back and started being really grouchy. His friend, being a well-mannered immigrant kid*, was left feeling awkward and looked embarrassed. However, our child had just met his foster parents the day before and was probably a little confused as well as being a general dick.
In the car, our child's friend was just covering his face with his hands
Anyway, I reported back to my wife "Oh, he's just finding his voice" and so on. Yup, I thought, he certainly is.
After lunch, I decided to take him the park as he appeared to be in a better mood. So I asked his friend and, with a little trepidation, he accepted and we went out again.
Bad move.
We bumped into a 5 year old girl and her mum who I am friends with, so all three kids were playing. There was some interaction and all seemed well until I had the brainwave of getting them all cooperating and playing with a slinky.
5 year old girl at one end, neighbour's kid on the other and my child in the middle, we made a triangle. We stretched the slinky further and further until neighbour's kid's end of the slinky slipped and snapped into my child's hand.
Armageddon ensued. Tears and bawling, neighbour's kid apologising his little heart out and 5 year old girl looking startled.
It was back to him being a foul little beast, 5 year old girl asking me why he was being weird and neighbour's kid getting PTSD.
He is much better this weekend, but exhibited his demonic side to my wife on Wednesday before coming to get me from work. She looked traumatised.
I welcome his personality coming through, as it shows he is getting more secure, but it drains me. Especially as some of the kids I teach have serious behavioural issues and have been kicked out of mainstream
*Maybe not all immigrant kids are well mannered, but this one is an angel!
Yeah, which is why I'm happy he's like that. It means he is comfortable, despite being in foster for 2 years prior and being with lots of kids.
I've had to justify going to work, as for the first four weeks I was WFH or on leave. I now say that when I go to work I get "adventure tickets" so we can go places. He likes that and it is language he can relate to.
Found the whole procedure of adoption very good and the L.A are excellent, with great support and training. After reading some negative experiences, I think that it is generally people who are paired with the wrong caseworker or, very possibly, ill-suited to the process and possibly ill-suited to having children.
I still go in to his bedroom and check to see if he is real
3 years old and calling him a dick, despite what he's been through? What's with the reference to "immigrant kids" as well?
His behaviour sounds absolutely normal for any kid his age. You on the other hand, I was of the assumption that adoption was difficult due to the rigorous selection process of the adopting parents...
His behaviour sounds absolutely normal for any kid his age. You on the other hand, I was of the assumption that adoption was difficult due to the rigorous selection process of the adopting parents...
"Dick" was in jest, I had hoped it was pretty obvious but I guess not. Maybe I have to spell it out better. It sums up his boundary testing behaviour better than a string of terms which include shouting, hair pulling and contrariness.
As for his friend - it is relevant in an area which is predominately white, the neighbour feels somewhat isolated and our child is one of the few people who speaks to him.
Maybe you already do it, but we found telling our son when he was that age " ten more minutes" "5 more" " last go" really helped with leaving things. The warnings meant he could start to adjust rather than seemingly arbitrarily being pulled away.
Yes, but he is testing how we react to behaviours. It sometimes works, but he is wising up to it now. If he just wants to be awkward, he will be, regardless. It's not that he wants or does not want to do something, it is almost irrelevant, he just wants a reaction. It is normal behaviour to see what you do.
For example, if in the park, he does want to go home but will claim not to. He is spiting himself as he is hungry or tired. If you phrase it "Shall we stay? We will be hungry, tired and cold?" he will say no. Then he will say he doesn't want to go home when we go to leave.
It's a welcome change in behaviour as he is no longer frightened or suspicious.
Edit: he is still much better adjusted than I imagined he would be and I suspect he will develop further boundary-pushing, but that's something we have to adjust to.
Edit 2: He dropped one of my (non-dangerous, just a posi drive) tools today as I had a little job to do and wanted him to hand me it and he looked frightened. I wasn't bothered that he had done it, but it makes me wonder what had happened in the past.
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Ya it just sounds like normal small child behaviour establishing their own independence. They say 'no' to pretty much everything don't they? I've learned to filter the amount of questions I ask and just be more direct instead. Rather than: "shall we stay?" it's more like: "we are going" now.
Teaching your kids to cross the road? I get our three year old to wait while I build a bridge and when it is complete, it is safe. He must tell me if there are no cars coming in case the bridge breaks.
When he first arrived, he had no road sense but now stops at every road and waits Obviously, this is if there are no crossings about.
Another: get some of those dinosaur eggs that you crack open from Amazon or whatever. I got a dozen of them for £15. I installed "Pulse Echo Sonar Meter" from Google Play, which has a lot of graphs and ping sounds on it.
I use it after I have secretly stashed an egg in some undergrowth or whatever and we go exploring. I use the PESM to locate the egg and he is willing to explore in darker places and gets super excited
He has a large collection of baby dinosaurs now.
I also use it in case he decides he wants to go the wrong way home. I'll get out the "dino detector" and when there is no reading, he is not interested in going the wrong way.
When he first arrived, he had no road sense but now stops at every road and waits
Obviously, this is if there are no crossings about.Another: get some of those dinosaur eggs that you crack open from Amazon or whatever. I got a dozen of them for £15. I installed "Pulse Echo Sonar Meter" from Google Play, which has a lot of graphs and ping sounds on it.
I use it after I have secretly stashed an egg in some undergrowth or whatever and we go exploring. I use the PESM to locate the egg and he is willing to explore in darker places and gets super excited
He has a large collection of baby dinosaurs now.I also use it in case he decides he wants to go the wrong way home. I'll get out the "dino detector" and when there is no reading, he is not interested in going the wrong way.
Think a 3 year old dropping one of dads tools might look frightened regardless, but then I don't know just how frightened he looked!
Testing the boundaries is of course normal, just suggesting a method we found helped avoid a lot of drama, though of course, it wasn't always accepted.
Could never rely on hunger/cold/wet/toilet/tired etc with my son at that age. It takes energy for him to slow down, when he's tired, he just speeds up and loses control, the breaks come off basically. Always amusing going into kindergarten watching him sprinting around, and remarking that he's clearly very tired, the staff looked bemused, but once explained they actually realised it fit well with what they'd seen before.
Thankfully with his hyperactivity, he rare had serious issues getting to sleep, which can be a nasty side effect for some.
I get the impression he is scared of making noise, which is alarming for a three year old
[/QUOTE]Our child sleeps extremely well, which is good, and very rarely wakes up. I burn him out when I meet him, one time clocking up 18k adult steps in a day. However, he leads activities and I don't drag him about and I can simply keep up with him. He is an 'outdoor boy' and I think he had little opportunity to do what he likes doing due to his past. He's catching up, I guess.
I see what you mean when they get tired, as they become less coordinated and then fall, get grouchy and then it snowballs. At that age, they can't really see the cause-effect and I find telling them why sometimes helps.
Adopted children WILL test you more than the average child, especially when they are a little older when they come to you. In a very simple way, they're testing their security with you. How far can you be pushed and will you still be there for them. Obviously they don't really do this on a conscious level but it's there.
Part of the fun with adoption is figuring out if something is normal child behaviour or if it is to do with the adoption. As time goes by, the adoption side becomes smaller and you start to realise ALL children are little ***** at times
Part of the fun with adoption is figuring out if something is normal child behaviour or if it is to do with the adoption. As time goes by, the adoption side becomes smaller and you start to realise ALL children are little ***** at times