OcUK Dadsnet thread

[DHR]

Just come back from the hospital, my wife miscarried, we're absolutely devastated. The initial panic of the pregnancy subsided and we ended up with this weird, incredible warmth neither of us had ever experienced, in 20+ years.

Exhausted, but she's thankfully coming around already and trying to find some positive steps to make.

Sorry to be a downer, but, it's not something people tend to talk about much which I think makes it all the more worse to experience.

 

[Brando]

Sorry to hear that, it's a gut punch. It's way more common than you think and more people talking about it is a good thing.

I think a lot of people are taught in school that having kids is too easy and watch out!!!! This is good advice as a teenager, but sadly less true as we age and run into more and more difficulties.

 

[blairw]

Just come back from the hospital, my wife miscarried, we're absolutely devastated. The initial panic of the pregnancy subsided and we ended up with this weird, incredible warmth neither of us had ever experienced, in 20+ years.

Exhausted, but she's thankfully coming around already and trying to find some positive steps to make.

Sorry to be a downer, but, it's not something people tend to talk about much which I think makes it all the more worse to experience.

Been through it myself mate, it's gut wrenching and I felt absolutely hopeless/helpless at the time. Do what you can to share love, support and give her as little or as loads space as she needs.
Unfortunately the only advice beyond that I have is that time is a healer.

 

[DHR]

God love her, she's just done nothing but say how great I've been, stepping up, being extra on the run up to this... it's nice but we managed to share a laugh by me responding with "so you're telling me I'm useless the rest of my life then?"

As you say, gut wrenching

 

[ChrisD.]

If I'm reading our nursery price increase letter correctly, they're charging us 31% more per day from the 1st April.

 

[Spuderoony]

Thanks for all the detailed advice, by the way. Forgot to say. I feel in like a kind of distant void at the moment as it seems so far away, but also wanted to be prepared.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

If you’re happy with used I have an Oyster3 3 (think that’s what’s it’s called) system in the garage, used for less than a year.

It's this kit: 5-piece set including: Oyster3 Stroller, Oyster3 Carrycot, Oyster Capsule Car Seat, Oyster DUOFIX base and Multicar seat adaptors.

Personally if I could do it again I wouldn’t buy new, they grow out of it all so quickly. But you have to be 100% sure the car seat hasn’t been in an accident.

My parents bought us the Full travel system from MotherCare for our now eldest child, it cost around £1800 brand new back in 2016. It moved to Cyprus and back and survived a second child.

As we were living in Cyprus the car seat had a sheepskin cover on it for most of the time (it only ever came off to be cleaned) as it was so hot most of the time. The Bassinet was used on a few occasions. The actual todler seat got the most use but again, that had a cover on it for most of its life.

Towards the end, one of the wheels failed so had to buy a replacement off Ebay but all in all, it served us well.

Ended up selling it in near mint condition for about £300 on FB marketplace about 18 months ago as we were moving and didn't need it anymore. Someone got a literal bargain that day.

As others have said, hindsight is a wonderful thing! I think we dropped nearly a grand on a new 'travel system' but only put the car seat on the pram a handful of times. Get yourself on FB marketplace and get a used pram/buggy and buy a new car seat for baby

Happy to go with second hand just trying to suss out exactly what we need.

So the consensus is not to bother with the full systems and that the whole car seat to pram feature is a bit of a faff/fad, so we can essentially just get a car seat and then pram/stroller separate.

I did just see these on Costco which seem really cheap. Is it missing something vital I'm overlooking, like the full lie flat bassinet basket type thing for a stroller?

Joie Every Stage™ FX R44 Car Seat | Costco UK

User Manual Meet Every Stage™ FX, the ultimate transporter with ISOFIX to take care of your child from birth all the way through to secondary school. The Every Stage™ is 4 seats in 1 - it starts as a rearward facing seat to use from birth to 18kg, converting to a forward facing seat to use from...

costcomobilesipuk.page.link

Joie Litetrax™ Pro 3-in-1 Compact Stroller | Costco UK

User Manual The Litetrax™ Pro from Joie is a lightweight, easy-fold stroller that is ready to roll on any adventure with your growing child, whether they want to lie flat and snooze or lean forward and take in the world around them. Conquer that to-do list as your little one naps on the go. Even...

costcomobilesipuk.page.link

 

[Buffman]

Happy to go with second hand just trying to suss out exactly what we need.

So the consensus is not to bother with the full systems and that the whole car seat to pram feature is a bit of a faff/fad, so we can essentially just get a car seat and then pram/stroller separate.

I did just see these on Costco which seem really cheap. Is it missing something vital I'm overlooking, like the full lie flat bassinet basket type thing for a stroller?

Joie Every Stage™ FX R44 Car Seat | Costco UK

User Manual Meet Every Stage™ FX, the ultimate transporter with ISOFIX to take care of your child from birth all the way through to secondary school. The Every Stage™ is 4 seats in 1 - it starts as a rearward facing seat to use from birth to 18kg, converting to a forward facing seat to use from...

costcomobilesipuk.page.link

Joie Litetrax™ Pro 3-in-1 Compact Stroller | Costco UK

User Manual The Litetrax™ Pro from Joie is a lightweight, easy-fold stroller that is ready to roll on any adventure with your growing child, whether they want to lie flat and snooze or lean forward and take in the world around them. Conquer that to-do list as your little one naps on the go. Even...

costcomobilesipuk.page.link

Fyi r44 is the reduced safety rating car seats, r129 is the later one.

I ended up going for a more expensive "lie flat" car seat as otherwise you're meant to get the baby out every 45mins which sounds annoying for long journeys.

Joie Baby Signature i-Level 2.0 i-Size Baby Car Seat, Eclipse

Buy Joie Baby Signature i-Level 2.0 i-Size Baby Car Seat from our Car Seats range at John Lewis & Partners. Free Delivery on orders over £50.

www.johnlewis.com

I then got a cheap stroller for 100 quid off marketplace

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

Fyi r44 is the reduced safety rating car seats, r129 is the later one.

I ended up going for a more expensive "lie flat" car seat as otherwise you're meant to get the baby out every 45mins which sounds annoying for long journeys.

Joie Baby Signature i-Level 2.0 i-Size Baby Car Seat, Eclipse

Buy Joie Baby Signature i-Level 2.0 i-Size Baby Car Seat from our Car Seats range at John Lewis & Partners. Free Delivery on orders over £50.

www.johnlewis.com

I then got a cheap stroller for 100 quid off marketplace

I presume that above car seat you have to buy the special fitting adapter so that it can swivel around? Or should it just do that out of the box?

 

[theone8181]

If I'm reading our nursery price increase letter correctly, they're charging us 31% more per day from the 1st April.

They obviously picked that date for a reason as it's such a joke . Surely with the energy crisis less of an issue prices should go down.

 

[ChrisD.]

They obviously picked that date for a reason as it's such a joke . Surely with the energy crisis less of an issue prices should go down.

The standard cost has risen a few quid per day, but it looks like meals are now charged extra at £12.60 a day (for a 2 year old!) rather than being included. We’re finding out today but if that’s the case we’re finding somewhere else.

 

[dlockers]

If I'm reading our nursery price increase letter correctly, they're charging us 31% more per day from the 1st April.

What's your total hourly? Ours is 9 quid an hour but started at 6, so similar gain but drip fed over years.

 

[ChrisD.]

What's your total hourly? Ours is 9 quid an hour but started at 6, so similar gain but drip fed over years.

It was £7.15, it would be £9.35 now.

There are other nurseries in the area charging similar to what the price increase would be but without the food charge (and they include food). We're finding out today as the letter is not clear at all.

 

[alchal]

Not sure what our hourly rate is but we pay 800 a month for 3 days a week 8-6 but we pick her up at 4:30

 

[OG]

Fyi r44 is the reduced safety rating car seats, r129 is the later one.

I ended up going for a more expensive "lie flat" car seat as otherwise you're meant to get the baby out every 45mins which sounds annoying for long journeys.

Joie Baby Signature i-Level 2.0 i-Size Baby Car Seat, Eclipse

Buy Joie Baby Signature i-Level 2.0 i-Size Baby Car Seat from our Car Seats range at John Lewis & Partners. Free Delivery on orders over £50.

www.johnlewis.com

I then got a cheap stroller for 100 quid off marketplace

2 hours is the typical quoted figure as per here but have seen some manufacturers going as low as 30 minutes just to really confuse things!

 

[Haggisman]

Not sure what our hourly rate is but we pay 800 a month for 3 days a week 8-6 but we pick her up at 4:30

The standard cost has risen a few quid per day, but it looks like meals are now charged extra at £12.60 a day (for a 2 year old!) rather than being included. We’re finding out today but if that’s the case we’re finding somewhere else.

What's your total hourly? Ours is 9 quid an hour but started at 6, so similar gain but drip fed over years.

It was £7.15, it would be £9.35 now.

There are other nurseries in the area charging similar to what the price increase would be but without the food charge (and they include food). We're finding out today as the letter is not clear at all.

How the **** are you affording/justifying those costs?! My other half wouldn't bother working if ours was approaching anywhere near that much!

Up until the start of this year, our childminder charged £35 a day (hasn't increased since our eldest was with her 5 years ago), including all meals, so ~£750/month (~£600 after tax free childcare). She's just put it up to £40/day - thankfully coinciding with our youngest being eligible for 30 free hours, so we're now averaging ~£250 a month after TFC.

Far superior to nursery (IMO), we lose a bit of flexibility re. booking holidays (she has a couple of weeks of through the year which we need to work around), but otherwise we know he's getting looked after properly (rather than by some teenager who doesn't know what they're doing), she's a lot more flexible with us, and it's generally a much nicer environment.

 

[ChrisD.]

Spoke to the nursery manager, the food charge is for those on benefits(?) and doesn't apply to us, I can stop raging now.

 

[t2na]

Aren't prices also going up because the government has reduced the age for the free hours again? And it's making further changes from September this year? So essentially nurseries make a loss on each child using free hours so they bump the standard cost up to accomodate for it.

We've not had our rise through yet - expecting it at some point before April - but currently we pay just under 1500 a month for our daughter and she's in from 8-5.30 for 5 days a week. That includes breakfast, lunch and tea (plus the snacks throughout the day) and we get a 10% discount on that 1500 as she's in full time.

I really rate our nursery, there obviously comes a point where the cost becomes tough to swallow but seeing how far she's come along, the variety of food she eats, the activities she gets up to etc. makes it much easier to justify.

 

[Haggisman]

Spoke to the nursery manager, the food charge is for those on benefits(?) and doesn't apply to us, I can stop raging now.

£12.60 though... that's utterly insane, are they getting Gordon Ramsay in to cook for them or something

 

[alchal]

How the **** are you affording/justifying those costs?! My other half wouldn't bother working if ours was approaching anywhere near that much!

Up until the start of this year, our childminder charged £35 a day (hasn't increased since our eldest was with her 5 years ago), including all meals, so ~£750/month (~£600 after tax free childcare). She's just put it up to £40/day - thankfully coinciding with our youngest being eligible for 30 free hours, so we're now averaging ~£250 a month after TFC.

Far superior to nursery (IMO), we lose a bit of flexibility re. booking holidays (she has a couple of weeks of through the year which we need to work around), but otherwise we know he's getting looked after properly (rather than by some teenager who doesn't know what they're doing), she's a lot more flexible with us, and it's generally a much nicer environment.

800 / 750, not that much difference?

Our little one is 2 1/2 so I believe we will start to get child benefits to help with nursery coats soon.
We have no one to look after her and the child minders we looked at just didn't click with us, plus nursery is more flexible, she has a french 'teacher' quite a nice nursery.
And plenty of staff also double as babysitters


Is a massive drain but child benefits start soon woohoo.