OcUK Dadsnet thread

Alex_L said:
Our nursery just has a fee table with a rate by age and then a reduced rate for the same age but for the universal funding which from memory was about £400 less a month - yours must have something similar?

I just accepted getting any discount of the colossal cost of our nursery bill was good. It was clearly not ‘free childcare’ and I think government would be better to just say it’s subsidising it slightly than all this nonsense of signing extra agreements for stuff. Especially given some people unfortunately assume it’s actually free childcare and are bitterly disappointed.
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I used to get the specific hourly discount - I am not sure I was meant to see the value though.
 
Slightly off-topic, but my dad died on 10th November.

He had symptoms for up to 12 months and he refused to go the doctors.

Family, friends, work colleagues all tried to get him there but he just kept blaming it on COVID. My sister even tried to throw him into the back of a car but at the door he just walked off.

It turned out he had a 6.5cm tumor at the top of his rectum / bottom of his bowel, which perfricated the bowel and caused Sepsis. The coroner told me it wasn't cancerous and he would have survived if he'd gone in a week before he died, otherwise he was probably a dead man walking 2-3 days before his death.

I was there when he died, his soul had basically left his body. He was being kept alive by every machine you can think of.

What is it with older men refusing to go the doctors? Is it a generational thing. It's killed us all off, as a family we are distraught. He was literally the glue that held everyone together and now he's gone.

We had the funeral yesterday and it went as well as any funeral could but we should never have got to this point. I can't stop feeling angry at him.

RIP Dad
 
carl5363 said:
Slightly off-topic, but my dad died on 10th November.

He had symptoms for up to 12 months and he refused to go the doctors.

Family, friends, work colleagues all tried to get him there but he just kept blaming it on COVID. My sister even tried to throw him into the back of a car but at the door he just walked off.

It turned out he had a 6.5cm tumor at the top of his rectum / bottom of his bowel, which perfricated the bowel and caused Sepsis. The coroner told me it wasn't cancerous and he would have survived if he'd gone in a week before he died, otherwise he was probably a dead man walking 2-3 days before his death.

I was there when he died, his soul had basically left his body. He was being kept alive by every machine you can think of.

What is it with older men refusing to go the doctors? Is it a generational thing. It's killed us all off, as a family we are distraught. He was literally the glue that held everyone together and now he's gone.

We had the funeral yesterday and it went as well as any funeral could but we should never have got to this point. I can't stop feeling angry at him.

RIP Dad
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Sorry for your loss :( You're right that none of us should ignore symptoms
 
dlockers said:
Dude whattttt - if that is legit and I reading it right, I could get 14k in childcare money for my <2 year old

Great find, will explore more. Thanks
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No idea, sounds optimistic. Our nursery in central London the difference for under twos between full fees and universal funding is about £7k a year.
 
carl5363 said:
Slightly off-topic, but my dad died on 10th November.

He had symptoms for up to 12 months and he refused to go the doctors.

Family, friends, work colleagues all tried to get him there but he just kept blaming it on COVID. My sister even tried to throw him into the back of a car but at the door he just walked off.

It turned out he had a 6.5cm tumor at the top of his rectum / bottom of his bowel, which perfricated the bowel and caused Sepsis. The coroner told me it wasn't cancerous and he would have survived if he'd gone in a week before he died, otherwise he was probably a dead man walking 2-3 days before his death.

I was there when he died, his soul had basically left his body. He was being kept alive by every machine you can think of.

What is it with older men refusing to go the doctors? Is it a generational thing. It's killed us all off, as a family we are distraught. He was literally the glue that held everyone together and now he's gone.

We had the funeral yesterday and it went as well as any funeral could but we should never have got to this point. I can't stop feeling angry at him.

RIP Dad
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Don't even think it's just older men. I think it's older people in general

I will go to doctors with anything I think could be cancer related. Because you only have to get it wrong and brush it off once.

Its not even exclusive to older people. But it does seem more prevalent.

Sorry for your loss! It's horrible knowing it could have been prevented. You'd rather not know
 
Someone help me re-frame the incessant gift giving that my in-laws seem to be unable to stop for our 3 and 1 year old. I'm all for kids being spoilt every now and then but it just feels like it's getting stupid now, I guess me and my wife are taking the approach of buying a few thoughtful things that the kids actually will enjoy playing with or extending their current things they like playing with. Whereas my in-laws just seem to open an Argos catalog and pick the most expensive stuff without much thought behind it.

We've tried the raise it in the past that it's too much but they just laugh it off, they got him a huuuge Hot Wheels set for his birthday earlier in the year is still sat in it's box because all he wanted from it was the actual cars. My wife is very much 'anti-stuff' and just trying to keep toys in the house the kids like and use and it just feels hard to correlate that with the inevitable mountain of toys the kids will receive from them over the years. Today they had sent in the post two decent sized Christmas lego sets for 'advent' (but then also message to say there was another advent calendar in the post), it feels that it's gone beyond the point of kindness and generosity and now entered a weird 'trying to buy their love/being the favorite grandparent' phase.

Anyway, rant over... Happy Christmas :D
 
OG said:
Someone help me re-frame the incessant gift giving that my in-laws seem to be unable to stop for our 3 and 1 year old. I'm all for kids being spoilt every now and then but it just feels like it's getting stupid now, I guess me and my wife are taking the approach of buying a few thoughtful things that the kids actually will enjoy playing with or extending their current things they like playing with. Whereas my in-laws just seem to open an Argos catalog and pick the most expensive stuff without much thought behind it.

We've tried the raise it in the past that it's too much but they just laugh it off, they got him a huuuge Hot Wheels set for his birthday earlier in the year is still sat in it's box because all he wanted from it was the actual cars. My wife is very much 'anti-stuff' and just trying to keep toys in the house the kids like and use and it just feels hard to correlate that with the inevitable mountain of toys the kids will receive from them over the years. Today they had sent in the post two decent sized Christmas lego sets for 'advent' (but then also message to say there was another advent calendar in the post), it feels that it's gone beyond the point of kindness and generosity and now entered a weird 'trying to buy their love/being the favorite grandparent' phase.

Anyway, rant over... Happy Christmas :D
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I've found it pointless to argue with grandparents about this sort of thing.

Just take it all and the stuff your kids don't want, store it and give it to a local charity that will give children who have nothing a nice surprise for Christmas.

Granted, if they find out you're doing it, they might hit the roof, but at least that might make them stop :D
 
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OG said:
Someone help me re-frame the incessant gift giving that my in-laws seem to be unable to stop for our 3 and 1 year old. I'm all for kids being spoilt every now and then but it just feels like it's getting stupid now, I guess me and my wife are taking the approach of buying a few thoughtful things that the kids actually will enjoy playing with or extending their current things they like playing with. Whereas my in-laws just seem to open an Argos catalog and pick the most expensive stuff without much thought behind it.

We've tried the raise it in the past that it's too much but they just laugh it off, they got him a huuuge Hot Wheels set for his birthday earlier in the year is still sat in it's box because all he wanted from it was the actual cars. My wife is very much 'anti-stuff' and just trying to keep toys in the house the kids like and use and it just feels hard to correlate that with the inevitable mountain of toys the kids will receive from them over the years. Today they had sent in the post two decent sized Christmas lego sets for 'advent' (but then also message to say there was another advent calendar in the post), it feels that it's gone beyond the point of kindness and generosity and now entered a weird 'trying to buy their love/being the favorite grandparent' phase.

Anyway, rant over... Happy Christmas :D
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In the same position, expect its not new stuff, it’s stuff that has been stuck in an attic for 25-30 years from mine and my siblings early childhood (late 80’s into mid 90’s).

My mother doesn’t want to recycle/donate or dispose of it for sentimental reasons, so the internal compromise to herself is sending it our way.
 
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I think the MIL does it to drive my partner mad.

Her - "Do you want some slippers for the boys"
Partner - "Nope, we have some"
Grandad comes over with slippers from Grandma.
Partner - :mad:
 
OG said:
Someone help me re-frame the incessant gift giving that my in-laws seem to be unable to stop for our 3 and 1 year old. I'm all for kids being spoilt every now and then but it just feels like it's getting stupid now, I guess me and my wife are taking the approach of buying a few thoughtful things that the kids actually will enjoy playing with or extending their current things they like playing with. Whereas my in-laws just seem to open an Argos catalog and pick the most expensive stuff without much thought behind it.

We've tried the raise it in the past that it's too much but they just laugh it off, they got him a huuuge Hot Wheels set for his birthday earlier in the year is still sat in it's box because all he wanted from it was the actual cars. My wife is very much 'anti-stuff' and just trying to keep toys in the house the kids like and use and it just feels hard to correlate that with the inevitable mountain of toys the kids will receive from them over the years. Today they had sent in the post two decent sized Christmas lego sets for 'advent' (but then also message to say there was another advent calendar in the post), it feels that it's gone beyond the point of kindness and generosity and now entered a weird 'trying to buy their love/being the favorite grandparent' phase.

Anyway, rant over... Happy Christmas :D
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Be an adult and give it away?
 
Alex_L said:
No idea, sounds optimistic. Our nursery in central London the difference for under twos between full fees and universal funding is about £7k a year.
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You are on 15hrs free though aren't you? From next year it'll be 30 hrs free
 
carl5363 said:
Slightly off-topic, but my dad died on 10th November.

He had symptoms for up to 12 months and he refused to go the doctors.

Family, friends, work colleagues all tried to get him there but he just kept blaming it on COVID. My sister even tried to throw him into the back of a car but at the door he just walked off.

It turned out he had a 6.5cm tumor at the top of his rectum / bottom of his bowel, which perfricated the bowel and caused Sepsis. The coroner told me it wasn't cancerous and he would have survived if he'd gone in a week before he died, otherwise he was probably a dead man walking 2-3 days before his death.

I was there when he died, his soul had basically left his body. He was being kept alive by every machine you can think of.

What is it with older men refusing to go the doctors? Is it a generational thing. It's killed us all off, as a family we are distraught. He was literally the glue that held everyone together and now he's gone.

We had the funeral yesterday and it went as well as any funeral could but we should never have got to this point. I can't stop feeling angry at him.

RIP Dad
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Sad news my friend...RIP your dad.

I am 60 and hate going to the doc...my dear dad was the same...
 
Talking of the 15hr thing. We start that from Jan next year for our 2.5yr old son. Currently, he goes to daycare for 4 days a week at £884. With the childcare support in Jan they've told us it will go to £729 a month. So not a huge amount. With the tax free child care, it's going to be £583 from Jan - which is a nice saving from what we were paying when he was in daycare 5 days a week without any government support at £1040 a month.

From September next year we get access to the 30hr a week funding. So, the bill should then be £574. And with Tax free child care, a little over £450 a month.

Man, childcare is expensive in this country. But they do provide a lot for the little ones.
 
Priapus said:
But they do provide a lot for the little ones.
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11000000%. People go on about childcare as a pure expense; but my girl has benefited so much from "renting full time adult attention" in an environment that is fun, safe; and they feed her. I wouldn't accept a salary equal to what I pay my childcare provider to do what they do; I just couldn't compete even.
 
dlockers said:
11000000%. People go on about childcare as a pure expense; but my girl has benefited so much from "renting full time adult attention" in an environment that is fun, safe; and they feed her. I wouldn't accept a salary equal to what I pay my childcare provider to do what they do; I just couldn't compete even.
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Yep, it's great to have them in an environment where they're being cared for by professionals with years of experience with kids that age.

It's also better for their development to be around others, as it's hard to simulate that yourself unless you have a lot of friends with kids around the same age, or take them to playgroups every day, etc.
 
dlockers said:
11000000%. People go on about childcare as a pure expense; but my girl has benefited so much from "renting full time adult attention" in an environment that is fun, safe; and they feed her. I wouldn't accept a salary equal to what I pay my childcare provider to do what they do; I just couldn't compete even.
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Agreed, we initially sent our daughter to a childminder who had 2 maybe 3 other kids some days and after a couple of months she changed her hours so it no longer worked for us my first thought was that I didn't want my daughter in a nursery with loads of other kids where she almost just becomes a number but that's the total opposite of what's happened.

Not only does she now have interaction with many more kids which is always going to help development (including learning how to pick her nose and eat it :o) but she also has every single woman that works there wrapped around her little finger so in reality she now gets loads more attention from the 5 women who work in her room day to day.
 
dlockers said:
11000000%. People go on about childcare as a pure expense; but my girl has benefited so much from "renting full time adult attention" in an environment that is fun, safe; and they feed her. I wouldn't accept a salary equal to what I pay my childcare provider to do what they do; I just couldn't compete even.
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Ayahuasca said:
Yep, it's great to have them in an environment where they're being cared for by professionals with years of experience with kids that age.

It's also better for their development to be around others, as it's hard to simulate that yourself unless you have a lot of friends with kids around the same age, or take them to playgroups every day, etc.
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I agree. It's more than an expense and convenience, it really is helping your child(ren) develop and mature.

Both of mine have been at school for a few years now, but being looked after by a child minder (but not a standard 3-4 kids child minder, she had a small team that looked after quite a few children at once), and going to pre-school was the best thing for them. Built their confidence up, learned to play with other kids better, learned to interact with adults, and gave them a broad range of experiences that frankly my wife and I wouldn't be capable of without a lot of effort. Worth every penny.

I wish there had been more tax free support at the time but hey at least it's changing for the better. Fortunately one of my employers offered childcare vouchers which was hugely helpful.

Also it meant that the evenings with them was far more fun as they could tell me all about their day and what they did, and then we can do things we enjoy at the weekends rather than worry about doing things to help develop them. We were lucky that the preschool also did a french club so it helped keep up my kid's bilingual ability outside of the home.
 
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Am I allowed to gate-crash this thread as a 1st time grandparent? Our daughter just gave birth yesterday to a beautiful baby girl, and I'm now feeling really old at the ripe old age of 54.

I'm sure that we will be providing a mix of financial support, free childcare and a wide range of both welcome and unwanted gifts ( :cry: ) for the forseeable future.
 
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