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[mcwildcard]

Question for people who have split with partners who’s kids are older 18+

How did you deal with them getting to that age and them being adults and not coming around as regular anymore.

My youngest is turning 18 soon and naturally I know he’s growing up and will be an adult and I don’t want to mandate he comes round once/twice a week as he’s got his own life and whatnot now but don’t want to seem like I’m just dropping him and will obviously tell him he can come round whenever etc but I don’t want him to feel he has to come if he’s busy or doesn’t want to. My eldest is 21 nearly and back from uni now so he just does whatever anyway because he works full time so we see each other whenever and I’d like my youngest to have the same freedom, my main issue comes from his mum will (naturally) want the child maintenance until it’s not due anymore but i don’t want her using it as excuse to say well pay me more.

I’d speak to her but since we split (3 years nearly) she’s not been open to communication and is very offish about, any questions just get one word responses via text.

Ultimately i don’t want to come across to him as treating him like a kid anymore.

As someone who was on the other side of this when I was young, I don't think there's a satisfying answer out there for you.
I was totally wrapped up in going raving when I was a teenager, nothing else really registered for me. When I did see my dad it was usually as a base for going out, I didn't think I was a bad son, just living my own life, but looking back I really should have made more of an effort at some points. I don't think there's anything anyone could have done or said to make me think differently at the time though.
I missed his 50th birthday party for a night out, but he didn't make it to 51 so that's a real regret for me.
I was there for him more than anyone at the end, but that wasn't quality time like it could have been before he got ill.
It was nearly 25yrs ago, so I can look back on that whole period with proper clarity.
Sorry for the downer post, but wanted to help make it clear that even if you do everything right, they still might choose their own path. All you can do is make sure they know you're there if they need or want you.

 

[LewisRaz]

Does anyone have any advice with autistic kids and bed wetting? My daughter (5yo) wears the biggest size pull ups but they dont even nearly contain a whole nights worth of.. toilet. Are there bigger or special ones available or should we look into bed pads? I cant keep changing bed sheets almost every day and the trying to dry/disinfect the mattress.

 

[lakitu]

Does anyone have any advice with autistic kids and bed wetting? My daughter (5yo) wears the biggest size pull ups but they dont even nearly contain a whole nights worth of.. toilet. Are there bigger or special ones available or should we look into bed pads? I cant keep changing bed sheets almost every day and the trying to dry/disinfect the mattress.

We had this with my 6 year old. Minimising the caffeine after 6pm helped a lot. Seriously though I guess you have tried ensuring she is hydrated in the day and then only sips 3-4 hours before bed. She will not be dehydrated, although the body can induce thirst signals prior to bed time to prepare for the lack of fluid in the night. We also have a 'tactical wee' before bed even though she says she's fine she almost always wees.

 

[LewisRaz]

Ahh we have tried those, its not reliable tho with her autism. She sometimes will go for the tactical wee but usually will decline it. Her drinks bottle is one of her "things" that she wont be without, if we tried to take that away at any point she will eventually start throwing hands at anyone nearby (we have tried, trust me!). So at the moment we are just trying to contain the leaks and hoping we can eventually get her to learn to go toilet instead of using the pullups. (She is absolutely fine during the day going toilet by herself)

 

[fez]

My two and a half year old just watched me give their mum a cup of tea, gave her about 5s and then said "say thank you mummy". Children are such little pickles. Cracked me right up.

 

[Fireskull]

My two and a half year old just watched me give their mum a cup of tea, gave her about 5s and then said "say thank you mummy". Children are such little pickles. Cracked me right up.

My 4 year old does the same, hilarious, and we are still reminding him about his please and thank you's but when it's the other way around....

 

[TommyV]

Been left to my own devices today with the girls whilst their Mum is in London with work for the day.

Although competing with a naughty 3yo and a 1yo who loves to vomit at the drop of a hat has its challenges even with both parents, the morning routine went great - Evening is no doubt going to be a **** show

 

[tom_e]

Been left to my own devices today with the girls whilst their Mum is in London with work for the day.

Although competing with a naughty 3yo and a 1yo who loves to vomit at the drop of a hat has its challenges even with both parents, the morning routine went great - Evening is no doubt going to be a **** show

I've got my first multiday lone parent experience coming up while my wife is at a wedding a couple of weeks Sunday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon, I've taken the Monday off work because wrestling a grumpy headstrong almost three year old to nursery and having to get back for work is not how I want to start my week off. I'll leave that joy until the Tuesday morning instead

 

[fez]

I've got my first multiday lone parent experience coming up while my wife is at a wedding a couple of weeks Sunday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon, I've taken the Monday off work because wrestling a grumpy headstrong almost three year old to nursery and having to get back for work is not how I want to start my week off. I'll leave that joy until the Tuesday morning instead

The key is to pray that they wake up in a good mood!

One of ours is looking like perhaps dropping his midday nap and hes very tired at night and in the morning which makes him somewhat emotional.

 

[tom_e]

Yeah she's getting to that point as well but also doesn't like being told it's time for night nights without going full head spinning demon so we need to wait until she's just chilled enough in our bed that the fights left her

 

[mcwildcard]

The key is to pray that they wake up in a good mood!

One of ours is looking like perhaps dropping his midday nap and hes very tired at night and in the morning which makes him somewhat emotional.

When ours did this dinner time suddenly became a war of attrition. In the end we figured out that she was so tired that she couldn't be bothered to eat, which meant 40mins of cajoling foods into her a forkful at a time while she flopped around. She's only really just come out the other side of that, so it was a two year 'phase'.

 

[Zaphan58]

I've got my first multiday lone parent experience coming up while my wife is at a wedding a couple of weeks Sunday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon, I've taken the Monday off work because wrestling a grumpy headstrong almost three year old to nursery and having to get back for work is not how I want to start my week off. I'll leave that joy until the Tuesday morning instead

I remember having that experience for the first time. I planned things to do out the house and got plenty of early nights.

 

[Penfold101]

I've got my first multiday lone parent experience coming up while my wife is at a wedding a couple of weeks Sunday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon, I've taken the Monday off work because wrestling a grumpy headstrong almost three year old to nursery and having to get back for work is not how I want to start my week off. I'll leave that joy until the Tuesday morning instead

I remember having that experience for the first time. I planned things to do out the house and got plenty of early nights.

Weren’t you meant to be at home with the kids…?

 

[unwashed potato!]

First child just turned 1 a few days ago. When does it get easier? They started nursery a few weeks back and he has had every sickness possible and given it to us too. There were just 3 days in January that we weren't both sick. And we are still recovering from the last one.

 

[TNA]

First child just turned 1 a few days ago. When does it get easier? They started nursery a few weeks back and he has had every sickness possible and given it to us too. There were just 3 days in January that we weren't both sick. And we are still recovering from the last one.

Will get harder, not easier mate

 

[tom_e]

First child just turned 1 a few days ago. When does it get easier? They started nursery a few weeks back and he has had every sickness possible and given it to us too. There were just 3 days in January that we weren't both sick. And we are still recovering from the last one.

I'd like to say soon but ours is turning 3 next month and they just come up with different challenges

The sickness one definitely does ease off those, so far this winter she's caught (and therefore us by extension) a lot less than last winter.

 

[TommyV]

First child just turned 1 a few days ago. When does it get easier? They started nursery a few weeks back and he has had every sickness possible and given it to us too. There were just 3 days in January that we weren't both sick. And we are still recovering from the last one.

I feel you, our youngest started in September and is still getting constantly ill, and spreading it across the house.

You can’t make this up - quite literally as I’m typing this message on my phone a Blossom notification from nursery popped up.

Titled; “D&V (Diarrhoea and Vomiting) In Baby Bees Room”

JOY!!!

 

[fez]

First child just turned 1 a few days ago. When does it get easier? They started nursery a few weeks back and he has had every sickness possible and given it to us too. There were just 3 days in January that we weren't both sick. And we are still recovering from the last one.

Sickness gets easier after 3-4 months I think and its better in the warmer months. We've got twins so the chance of one of them being ill when they started was quite high! On our worst months we worked out that we were paying for 2 days a week (16 days total/month roughly between the two) and using way less than half. Its galling. Just thank our lucky stars for free childcare hours eh!

Will get harder, not easier mate

I don't know, I think it gets easier for a while. Mine are nearly 3 now and the difficult parts are obviously still there and you are constantly dealing with tantrums, meltdowns, fighting and whatever else but they are so much fun at this age. I struggled when they were tiny because they give you so little and demand so much. As they become people I think it gets easier because the payoff is there.

I feel you, our youngest started in September and is still getting constantly ill, and spreading it across the house.

You can’t make this up - quite literally as I’m typing this message on my phone a Blossom notification from nursery popped up.

Titled; “D&V (Diarrhoea and Vomiting) In Baby Bees Room”

JOY!!!

Its really hard because I think a lot of parents send their kids in unless they are on deaths door. Then the bug gets around because kids are gross and by the time they are sent home (if they are) its too late. Then you get to the stage where you think "**** it, everyone doesn't care so why should I" and you start doing it. We try to be good with it but there are the odd times where you think they are just under the weather or you think they have recovered enough to go and and perhaps they haven't.

 

[Freefaller]

Been left to my own devices today with the girls whilst their Mum is in London with work for the day.

Although competing with a naughty 3yo and a 1yo who loves to vomit at the drop of a hat has its challenges even with both parents, the morning routine went great - Evening is no doubt going to be a **** show

I have to say I love having time alone as we get up to no good. Albeit my kids are a bit older (9 and 7) but if the weather is nice we'll be out all day. It it isn't we often build a den and play games in the den. I also get them to help bake some bread or bits and pieces. It's tiring especially if you want to do things for yourself but being present and really tapping into those moments is precious!

How did it go in the end?

 

[TNA]

I don't know, I think it gets easier for a while. Mine are nearly 3 now and the difficult parts are obviously still there and you are constantly dealing with tantrums, meltdowns, fighting and whatever else but they are so much fun at this age. I struggled when they were tiny because they give you so little and demand so much. As they become people I think it gets easier because the payoff is there.

Sure. But I was not looking at the pay off portion. Just difficulty. My experience is it goes up a lot from 1 to 3.