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[mcwildcard]

Question for people who have split with partners who’s kids are older 18+

How did you deal with them getting to that age and them being adults and not coming around as regular anymore.

My youngest is turning 18 soon and naturally I know he’s growing up and will be an adult and I don’t want to mandate he comes round once/twice a week as he’s got his own life and whatnot now but don’t want to seem like I’m just dropping him and will obviously tell him he can come round whenever etc but I don’t want him to feel he has to come if he’s busy or doesn’t want to. My eldest is 21 nearly and back from uni now so he just does whatever anyway because he works full time so we see each other whenever and I’d like my youngest to have the same freedom, my main issue comes from his mum will (naturally) want the child maintenance until it’s not due anymore but i don’t want her using it as excuse to say well pay me more.

I’d speak to her but since we split (3 years nearly) she’s not been open to communication and is very offish about, any questions just get one word responses via text.

Ultimately i don’t want to come across to him as treating him like a kid anymore.

As someone who was on the other side of this when I was young, I don't think there's a satisfying answer out there for you.
I was totally wrapped up in going raving when I was a teenager, nothing else really registered for me. When I did see my dad it was usually as a base for going out, I didn't think I was a bad son, just living my own life, but looking back I really should have made more of an effort at some points. I don't think there's anything anyone could have done or said to make me think differently at the time though.
I missed his 50th birthday party for a night out, but he didn't make it to 51 so that's a real regret for me.
I was there for him more than anyone at the end, but that wasn't quality time like it could have been before he got ill.
It was nearly 25yrs ago, so I can look back on that whole period with proper clarity.
Sorry for the downer post, but wanted to help make it clear that even if you do everything right, they still might choose their own path. All you can do is make sure they know you're there if they need or want you.