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HangTime said:
Just after some views to understand if others have the same experiences or not.

Bedtime
Basically my son who has recently turned five can be a bit of a terror at bedtimes, he will make up numerous excuses (drink / food / teddy / stories / toilet / whatever) and won't stay in his bed, 90% of the time the only way he will go to sleep is by coming into our bed and chatting for a bit. Sometimes he is persistently naughty (jumping around etc) so I will shut him in his room (typically 5mins then if he does it again 10mins etc) and it is almost like he needs some sort of emotional breakdown to start crying and sometimes bring up something about how he hates school, misses someone or whatever before he will go to sleep. Once he's had that release and cried for a bit he is usually a lot calmer but it feels a bit wrong that the only way to get him to go to sleep some nights is by making him upset. Once he's asleep I can just carry him to his bed, he will often stir and knows what is happening but accepts this and typically will sleep through til morning. Likewise if he's fallen asleep in the car I can usually transfer him although sometimes he insists on coming into our room).
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I would try a few things:
A) wait in his room for a while, until he drifts off,)
b) give him the option of going to sleep in your bed, without making a fuss about it - sometimes we find that avoids all the Drama. Eg my son said he was "feeling sick" (a lie!) so my wife asked if he wanted to sleep in our bed, off he went and we moved him later. This only happens occasionally, but seems to afectivly provide reassurance /comfort /attention without requiring us to be present!

Re tidying - we have got our kids to fish up after themselves and have done so since they were young.
 
I've found my daughter (who started school recently) will often complain that shes not tired (while yawning), so i turn her light off and lay next to her and within 5 mins she normally asleep (till 6, i never get a lie in later than that).
 
Interesting statistic I found last night on VSauce.

The woman with the most children had a total of 98 children.

But the man with the most children had approximately 900!
 
Makes sense I guess, that would be say 30 kids a year for 30 years, if you were a man of power from a polygamous culture I'm sure you could sort out say a rolling set of ~50 partners with 60% of them giving birth each year (allowing for multiple births and infant deaths).
 
HangTime said:
90% of the time the only way he will go to sleep is by coming into our bed and chatting for a bit.
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Out of interest what time do you put him to bed, and then is he up the whole time until you go to bed?

I can relate, bed times can be a major challenge. I find that routine and early nights help, but it's not always practical.

Also I hear what you are saying about keeping the house clean, it's an immense task to try and keep things nice and tidy. I can't stand toys and food and car seats etc clogging up the place.

Just do what you can and try not to stress about it too much (easy said) but you're not the only one and nobody expects your house to be like a bachelor pad, especially with a 5 year old. It's not forever and you'll be out of the woods at some point, although with different challenges no doubt. Good luck.
Abraxaz1 said:
So the little midget is getting her one year vaccination...


Wish me luck, working from home to give missus a hand.
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Taking mine in tomorrow, best of luck matey!
 
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Normally we start bedtime about 19:15-19:45, with him going to sleep typically around 20:15 - 21:15. Occasionally it ends up being later he will go to sleep which isn't ideal given we often need to be up before 07:00. However if he falls asleep in the car then he can be asleep by 19:00.
Basically if he is awake then he just doesn't like going to sleep in his bed, he will just sit/stand-up or climb out and says our bed is better because his room and monsters and our bed is bigger / cooler etc (his room is on a higher floor).
There was a period when it was OK, probably from the age of about 2-3.5 we could put him to sleep in his own bed. There was then a period when for various reasons in the run up to Christmas (illness, lots of travel staying in hotel rooms etc) where he started sleeping in with us for a bit and it has proven difficult to claw it back from that as he now wants to fall asleep in our bed despite the fact that he will generally accept being transferred once he is asleep.

I've tried to identify patterns that can help but there's no hard and fast rules, generally if he is tired (from doing a lot that day) he will go to sleep quicker but it's not foolproof as sometimes he crosses the threshold to over-tiredness and gets hyperactive followed by over-emotional which can easily add 30+mins to bedtime.
Have also looked at stuff like eliminating screentime from the hour before bed but it is still quite erratic, he can go to sleep quickly after watching TV or conversely not go to sleep for 3hrs after.

To complicate matters my wife is now in the early stages of pregnancy so lying down in a bed with a child jumping around (nor carrying one up the stairs once asleep) isn't ideal.
 
HangTime said:
Bedtime
Basically my son who has recently turned five can be a bit of a terror at bedtimes, he will make up numerous excuses (drink / food / teddy / stories / toilet / whatever) and won't stay in his bed, 90% of the time the only way he will go to sleep is by coming into our bed and chatting for a bit. Sometimes he is persistently naughty (jumping around etc) so I will shut him in his room (typically 5mins then if he does it again 10mins etc) and it is almost like he needs some sort of emotional breakdown to start crying and sometimes bring up something about how he hates school, misses someone or whatever before he will go to sleep. Once he's had that release and cried for a bit he is usually a lot calmer but it feels a bit wrong that the only way to get him to go to sleep some nights is by making him upset. Once he's asleep I can just carry him to his bed, he will often stir and knows what is happening but accepts this and typically will sleep through til morning. Likewise if he's fallen asleep in the car I can usually transfer him although sometimes he insists on coming into our room).
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Son's autistic so experience will differ, but bedtime / sleep has always been a battle so we've picked up a few tips along the way.

Routine is key to a good bedtime. It sounds like he gets quite wound up by the events of the day so needs some way to work that out before he can switch off. Building in some time in your evening routine (e.g. talking about it in a relaxed environment like the bath, or perhaps some physical de-stressing activity) might help. It's recommended that you don't allow TV or electronic devices for about an hour before bed as they can inhibit the release of sleep hormones. We used to allow our son to watch a cartoon after his bath, so one of the changes we made was to do that before the bath and make the bath part of the bedtime routine.

Even with all the changes to routine, we still struggle. He makes a lot of excuses to avoid sleeping but the changes have helped. Still takes upwards of an hour for him to get to sleep most evenings!
 
Any other dads got any advice?

My daughter is just over 1 and is all for me. She will pull away from her mother whenever I am nearby and cry for dadda when I am not around. I get that she will grow out of this but it is starting to bother my wife who is already a compulsive worrier.
I love the attention and hugs I am getting but I can see it eating away at the mrs that she doesnt get the same.
 
LewisRaz said:
Any other dads got any advice?

My daughter is just over 1 and is all for me. She will pull away from her mother whenever I am nearby and cry for dadda when I am not around. I get that she will grow out of this but it is starting to bother my wife who is already a compulsive worrier.
I love the attention and hugs I am getting but I can see it eating away at the mrs that she doesnt get the same.
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Mine is six and half and is still like this!
 
My youngest is 3 and he has always been this way, although in the last few months the pendulum completely swung the other way and now only wants the other parent!
 
So I'm just looking for a bit of advice. My daughter has taken to waking up even earlier on weekends since she started school. She's getting up at 4am (and waking us) and keeps telling us sleep is boring etc which then wakes up my son. Any ideas with what to do, she's then obviously very tiredvad the day goes on. I've given her a snack on the bottom, and threatened with taking away toys but nothing seems to work. Me and the Mrs are at our wits end as we just don't get any time to recover. I end up napping in the early evening to catch up.
 
Something is causing her to wake up, either she has gone to bed too early or maybe her naps are too long. Kids typically need 11-12 hours sleep per day.

Is there anything in the house waking her, e.g. heating at 4am?
 
ci_newman said:
Something is causing her to wake up, either she has gone to bed too early or maybe her naps are too long. Kids typically need 11-12 hours sleep per day.

Is there anything in the house waking her, e.g. heating at 4am?
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It could be heating I suppose .She doesn't have naps anymore. She goes to sleep around 8ish on a night. I wish she would have 11 hours lol.
 
When the house is dark (i.e. in the autumn) and she's consistently waking at the same time, there must be a pattern to the behaviour. Either something loud is waking her, or she needs a wee because of a big drink before bedtime (e.g. same drink size each night, her bladder is full at the same time etc).

How old is she?
 
She's 5 in jan. She's just gone to sleep now, will be interesting to see when she wakes. It's a bit of a vicious cycle as age needs more sleep but refuses to stay asleep past a point. She does normal wake at 6 or so irrespective of the time she goes to bed, she went to far last week and went to bed at 9 and still got up early. It's just very draining on us especially when shewakes her brother up from whining.
 
Had to contact daughters school and a couple of parents as 2 of her friends were cutting themselves and one wanted to kill herself! All 12 years old! Very frightening indeed.
 
koolpc said:
Had to contact daughters school and a couple of parents as 2 of her friends were cutting themselves and one wanted to kill herself! All 12 years old! Very frightening indeed.
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Very frightening. Don't beat around the bush and casually chat to her. I have lost a friend to suicide when I was 18 and I remember the pain and sorrow at the funeral. The impact was massive and beyond comprehension. Everyone questioned themselves what could they have done to have helped Mark. Even my brother, who he had contacted shortly before his death.
Consequence is something a lot of people do not realise from their actions, just chat to her and discuss the consequence of cutting, self-harming and the talk of killing herself.
I have an austistic son who recently moved on from the fixation of Ancient Egypt and Mummification. It has taken us a while to be frank and explain that when a person or animal dies, it does not return as a Mummy or a zombie.
Daft as it seems, but he truly believed that we can come back as Mummies. I teach him the effect of any actions (you cheat on someone, they get hurt, you feel guilt, life cannot be the same), and our son (fortunately) shrugs his shoulders and moves to another random idea.
So I am saying, be realistic, tell her how much you love her, worry about her, etc. Tell her what would happen if she followed those actions, how many people would be hurt, etc. But importantly, all the things that she would miss out in life. There is usually something behind this, and I hope it is an early teenage phase.
Good luck and remember, she will be smarter than you think..
 
shaggyd said:
Very frightening. Don't beat around the bush and casually chat to her. I have lost a friend to suicide when I was 18 and I remember the pain and sorrow at the funeral. The impact was massive and beyond comprehension. Everyone questioned themselves what could they have done to have helped Mark. Even my brother, who he had contacted shortly before his death.
Consequence is something a lot of people do not realise from their actions, just chat to her and discuss the consequence of cutting, self-harming and the talk of killing herself.
I have an austistic son who recently moved on from the fixation of Ancient Egypt and Mummification. It has taken us a while to be frank and explain that when a person or animal dies, it does not return as a Mummy or a zombie.
Daft as it seems, but he truly believed that we can come back as Mummies. I teach him the effect of any actions (you cheat on someone, they get hurt, you feel guilt, life cannot be the same), and our son (fortunately) shrugs his shoulders and moves to another random idea.
So I am saying, be realistic, tell her how much you love her, worry about her, etc. Tell her what would happen if she followed those actions, how many people would be hurt, etc. But importantly, all the things that she would miss out in life. There is usually something behind this, and I hope it is an early teenage phase.
Good luck and remember, she will be smarter than you think..
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Not my daughter but her friends that were self harming etc.
 
Yikes that's pretty heavy stuff. Quite glad that my current level of conflict solving is "Riley don't snatch toys. Now say sorry".

Wife and I were joking today about what we'd be doing this weekend if we didn't have her. I suggested we'd be lounging in bed, binge watching Netflix, copulating wildly and gorging ourselves on outrageously expensive chocolates. It's weird to explain that I'd rather do what I did today: waking up early to do the same bloody lion King puzzle a million times, refusing access to biscuits and crisps and equal amount, and watching bed knobs and broomsticks. It was boring and at times quite stressful, but made worth it by those little moments: At one point she was "writing letters" (scribbling) to her dinosaurs while we ate dinner, and when I went into the sitting room she'd laid out the letters and her dinosaurs were all next to eachother in front of their letters and she was "reading" them. It was so damn cute. That kind of **** makes my heart shoot rainbows.
 
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