OcUK Dadsnet thread

fez said:
Bless you for thinking that will make that much difference. Then you have the fun of keeping them in their seat when the seatbelt sign is on. Our are generally little terrors that never stop and planes are a nightmare. Trying to manage two boys on a tiny plane.
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He will be zip tied if necessary. Possibly drugged too…
 
We have been trying to get the child to eat a Sunday dinner at home and school with zero success, will eat most of the parts of a Sunday roast but for some reason throw them together , even on sperate plates for a meal and it's yuk...

I understand homer Simpsons hair loss.

Penfold101 said:
He will be zip tied if necessary. Possibly drugged too…
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Worked in the A-team...
 
Hodders said:
Takes me back reading about all your little ones. Mine are 20 and 18 now. But rest assured you never stop worrying about them and wanting the best.

Daughter (20) is all good. 2nd year at a uni she loves with good friends and doing well academically as well.

Son (18) is the one I wanted your thoughts on.

He did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 a-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.

He worked hard in the run up to his A levels and was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 2 blasted percent - TWO. We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.

However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.

He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.

We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:

1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)

He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.

If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:

Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the places above (bar Oxford)?

Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?

See! Told you being a parent changes, but always stays the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
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I think the other poster's point about your son trying to define a career path is very important. What are the options for a physicist? Does he want to go into defence, or would he be interested in a more (IMO) positive outlook, like net zero stuff. That's a massively growing industry, of course.

It seems odd to me that Oxford would be so closed off to him. How about some soft power? Try and find out who's looking at the applications and see if you can speak to them and perhaps arrange an interview with your son. Something along those lines that takes it away from the very black and white application process.

In the meantime, it sounds like he'll do all he can to get those 3 A*s anyway. Anything he can do on his gap year to support that and his future career path could be really valuable.


In baby news, ours doesn't want to eat. It's really annoying.
 
Penfold101 said:
Serious question - what dos he have planned career wise after uni? Is there a full roadmap which he needs the degree for or is it a natural pathway to continue education because that’s what he likes?

When I was 17 (1999/2000) I was faced with the same choice of applying to university, but something (impatience and money probably) pushed me to choose the RAF application form over the UCAS form. I knew I wanted to join, but my dad would have preferred I go to uni first. Looking back, I don’t think I was anywhere near mature enough for the sort of self-study it would have required, and I’ve no idea what I would have actually studied (something in STEM).

Instead, I joined up as an aircraft tech and have just finished 25 years - ready to be a civilian! (But actually too indoctrinated for that so taking a reservist role)

Looking back, knowing what I know now (and being 43) I would’ve gone to uni, grown up a bit and gained some life experience before joining up and probably gone down a different route in the RAF, but that wasn’t who I was at the time.

In short - there are other options, and uni will always be available whatever age he is. He could go travelling for a year instead - see the world without the queen/king paying for it like they did for me! (Mostly desert, but still counts…)
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It's a good question. He's not really sure. One of the things he likes about a maths degree is that it is flexible and can lead to a very wide choice of career paths.

He is sure he wants to do a degree though.
 
dirtychinchilla said:
I think the other poster's point about your son trying to define a career path is very important. What are the options for a physicist? Does he want to go into defence, or would he be interested in a more (IMO) positive outlook, like net zero stuff. That's a massively growing industry, of course.

It seems odd to me that Oxford would be so closed off to him. How about some soft power? Try and find out who's looking at the applications and see if you can speak to them and perhaps arrange an interview with your son. Something along those lines that takes it away from the very black and white application process.

In the meantime, it sounds like he'll do all he can to get those 3 A*s anyway. Anything he can do on his gap year to support that and his future career path could be really valuable.


In baby news, ours doesn't want to eat. It's really annoying.
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He wants to study Maths and had a conditional offer last year for Oxford. He retook the MAT entrance exam again for this year's cycle and we don't find out how well he did until January.

I think he is keen to not retake and avoid the stress, but he realises that with the exception of Bristol, a top 5 maths degree will want at least one A* and retaking may be non negotiable.

I think it will come down to:

If prepared to retake - apply to Durham firm, Bristol/Lancaster Insurance
If not prepared - apply to Bristol (done) and Lancaster as firms and Exeter as a backup in case B&L don't give offers.
If he really wants to roll the dice he could retake both. If he gets the A*s he is capable of, then he can have a pop at clearing for Warwick/Bath/Edinburgh/St Andrews.

Eating is the 1st thing little ones have control over and boy do the use it!

Luckily it comes at about the same time as the abilty to understand If you ..... then ..... will happen. This revolutionises negotiations!
 
Maccy said:
We are well and truly in the 6 week tiredness and tantrums, 2 hours and counting…!
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I’d like to say it gets better by month 3 but I got 4 hours sleep last night and just had to give the little one some more Calpol after her second round of vaccines today, I’m expecting another 4 hours tonight :D
 
Maccy said:
I’ve heard it gets better from a few other dads and then goes to **** again!
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It does gradually get better! Just different challenges with every stage, no denying how rough it is when you're in the middle of it all though, sometimes I just wanted to lock myself in the downstairs loo to have a nap.
 
Aye, there was a couple of weeks that got smoother but night times have taken a step back, regression I think they call it..

It’s just development, she’s great during the day, very interested, taking loads in. Just can’t get her to settle before 11:30pm or stay sleeping in her bed for more than an hour or so. Sleeps fine in our arms but the bed is another story.
 
Maccy said:
I’ve heard it gets better from a few other dads and then goes to **** again!
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It does this many times - they’re called regressions and (apparently) are caused by their brain processing what it’s learnt in the day.

Ours is 19 months now, and his sleep improved massively the day we put him in his own room, which was a hard move and we should have done it much earlier, but hindsight is always 20/20. Most nights now are pretty good, and wakeups are rare. 12 hours sleep, 12 hours awake and an hours nap over lunch.

It’s tough, but it will get better!
 
Maccy said:
I’ve heard it gets better from a few other dads and then goes to **** again!
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Ours is nearly 4 months now and I've very recently been in a similar place. Honestly there's a point it just gets a lot better (for us it was around 2 months) and the first time they properly smile it's like a balm for the heart.
We just got our first proper giggle this morning.
 
shifty_uk said:
How are things going @Maccy ?
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Not bad thank you mate, we had a 5 hour stint last week, then a 6 hour the following night and then a 7 hour one!
Then last night it was back to 3 hour stints so you know, all good fun! Had the 8 week jabs today, which she didn’t enjoy but has slept most of the afternoon and we’re hopeful for a good night as well. Calpol administered 3 times but she isn’t showing any signs of a fever which is fab.
 
Not a dad yet...! Mrs is 12 weeks pregnant. Though I am currently deployed for the next 4 months! (Found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks before I left the UK) pretty gutted I am not going to be there to help her out as she goes through the majority of the pregnancy. I'm equal parts excited and absolutely bricking it! :)
 
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