On The Wagon... then in 'ere!

Bunko said:
Appreciate the honesty, glad to hear your life is so much better without alcohol, shows what you can achieve if you do put your mind to it. I don't think I've ever thought of myself as an alcoholic, I don't wake up in the traditional sense of thinking about drinking and then drink all day but I guess it rears its head when you try to give it up for a week and struggle? Compared to 2 days ago though my mood has certainly improved from what it was so I hope that continues especially when I have to deal with something that would usually be a trigger.
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I didn't drink all day either. I had (most) of the trappings of a normal life, even at the end of my drinking. I worked full time, and wasn't in trouble at work, I had a flat and remained up to date on my rent. I even managed to make some healthy choices and began running and cycling. I would have told you I didn't wake up thinking about a drink either because I didn't wake up desperate for a drink. I did wake up thinking about my hangover though, and worrying about what I said or the night before. I did spend more time than is healthy during the day telling myself I wouldn't drink that day or trying to decide if I would, and if I was what I would have and how much. I would often spend a lot of time trying to work out why I had got more drink than I had intended the night before and what I could do to make sure it didn't happen again. And I haven't even got to the amount of time I spent dealing with the consequences of my drinking. The truth is that I spent far more time than I realised thinking about drinking, I just couldn't or wouldn't see it became I needed to believe that I didn't spend all my time thinking about drinking so I developed a narrow view of what thinking about drinking meant and a very selective memory. Test the theory for yourself; grab a notebook or use your phone and make a conscious effort to record every time you catch yourself thinking about alcohol or drinking in any context. Perhaps you'll discover you're nothing like me. Perhaps not. Either way it'll be enlightening.

I think you missed the crucial point of my post above. The only time I was successful in my attempts to stop drinking was when I actively sought to develop the tools and coping mechanisms BEFORE the something that would usually be a trigger happens. It's too late by then. If you don't have other strategies in place my experience is that you'll return to your default method of dealing with those somethings. Those triggers are a chance to test those strategies, not learn them in my opinion. It's why I need to keep developing my tools and coping mechanisms every day. So they're there and as effective as possible when I need them. Almost everyone I knowable has successfully out down the bottle says the same. Sobriety is an active process and hoping your mood will continue to improve without doing anything to make that happen is likely both something you've tried before (without success of you're drinking again despite wishing to stop) and is therefore likely to fail again. Einstein said insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you've changed nlthong, nothing will change.

Hope you're doing ok mate
 
I see what you mean, after making a conscious effort I'm definitely thinking about drink more than I realised. Currently 11 days in now and not touched a drop, I've been thinking a lot today about having a drink tonight, even had some cans in my basket while at the shop but I put them back. I'm definitely craving an alcoholic drink at this moment in time. Stopping really brings out the true colours. It's a weird one though as I feel I've done well in not drinking so I should reward myself with a night off and have a few drinks but on the other hand I know I should stick it out longer. But therein lies the problem, I don't think I want to never drink again but what time frame do I give myself before I do have a night off and have a few drinks. When I stopped smoking that was difficult and took multiple attempts but it kind of made it easier knowing I'll never have a cigarette again by just how bad smoking actually is for you.

May I ask what coping mechanisms you use? It does feel like as soon as I have a bad day (such as today) then I automatically think sod it lets go get drunk tonight to cheer myself up. It's not even like I have any reason to feel down but I've felt lethargic and tired all day and had a real 'meh' day. Recently been walking a lot to try to stave off boredom and that has helped.
 
Bunko said:
It's a weird one though as I feel I've done well in not drinking so I should reward myself with a night off
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I relate to that thinking. I have a highly selective memory. Every time I stopped drinking it was because the consequences of my drinking had got so out of hand I decided I had to stop. A few days or weeks, some times months would go by and my life had become more manageable because I wasn't drinking and the memory of the negative effects of my drinking would fade. I'd convince myself it wasn't that bad, or that it would be different this time, that I could have 'a night off' as a reward. It was never different , it always got worse and it was never 'a night'. Once I picked up a drink, I was off and running again until the consequences had again become unmanageable and I'd try to stop again.

If you've tried to stop in the past I have 2 questions for you to consider (don't feel you need to answer them publiclly)

1: What happened when you had your night off? Did you have a few beers, wake up the next day and return to a more controlled drinking or were you too, off and running again?

2: If you started drinking regularly again, did your relationship with alcohol improve or get worse?

Is it possible your memory is as selective as mine, and that your stuck in the same loop I described above?

Bunko said:
I don't think I want to never drink again but what time frame do I give myself before I do have a night off and have a few drinks
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I agree. I didn't want to never drink again. Believe me, if it were possible for me to drink in a normal sociable way I would. But it's not because every time I drink my life gets worse, when I'm not drinking my life improves. It logically follows, therefore, that the time frame I need to give myself before I pick up a drink is the same length of time I want to experience the quality of life I associate with being sober. It's not that I can't have a drink. It just that every day (sometimes several times a day) I choose my improved quality of life over what alcohol can offer me. If you too, can't have both a better quality of life and alcohol which would you choose?

Bunko said:
May I ask what coping mechanisms you use? It does feel like as soon as I have a bad day (such as today) then I automatically think sod it lets go get drunk tonight to cheer myself up. It's not even like I have any reason to feel down but I've felt lethargic and tired all day and had a real 'meh' day.
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I use the 12 steps as a framework to manage my life, I speak to people I trust and use them as sounding boards. I listen to those people when they say I'm out of sorts and I try to listen to myself to catch when I'm going off piste myself. I distract myself when I need to, using hobbies, talking to people or even just making a cup of tea. I attend AA meetings so that my selective memory doesn't forget how bad things would get it I drank again, and to gain perspective on my problems. I try to be as self aware as possible make sure that my life includes hobbies and people I know I wouldn't have in my life I was drinking. I practice an 'attitude of gratitude '. And finally I accept what I can't change and focus my energy on what I can change, I let the universe handle what I cant . None of this sounds very impressive, and in isolation they're not. Together though, it's been enough to keep me sober and mostly happy for the last 4.5 years so it must be working .
 
Well I think you & I both already know the answers to those two questions. I did relapse yesterday, I'm a little annoyed but more disheartened but I think I knew it was coming with how I was feeling leading up. It genuinely felt like I hadn't had a drink in months but in reality it was a little under a fortnight. I really appreciate all your replies phonemonkey, how is everyone else doing?
 
It's been a while since anyone posted in here...

Can I ask for some help, please? I sincerely hope everyone that has ever posted within this thread is okay. I'm not one to ask for help, ever - but I'm not okay right now.

How do you overcome the urge to have a drink?

I'm pounding half a bottle of whisky a night for the last 4 months and it's taking its toll -

@Acme I hope you're okay :(
 
Gary* said:
It's been a while since anyone posted in here...

Can I ask for some help, please? I sincerely hope everyone that has ever posted within this thread is okay. I'm not one to ask for help, ever - but I'm not okay right now.

How do you overcome the urge to have a drink?

I'm pounding half a bottle of whisky a night for the last 4 months and it's taking its toll -

@Acme I hope you're okay :(
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Ask yourself why....write it down...then report back
 
Hi everyone, I'm OK, thanks @Gary*, lockdown and unemployed life aren't a great combination when it comes to putting the bottle down though. I've almost polished off a bottle of rum last night and tonight, prior to that I've been on the gin recently.

I'm not really dependant on it, I just like how I feel after a hefty drink. It soaks up some of the anxiety and stress, and helps me loosen up a little when chatting to friends. I frequently go two or three days or even a week without touching a drop.

But on Fridays in particular my friends do like to have a tipple together and a chat on Discord so, its sort of become the norm. I think almost everyones alcohol consumption has gone up during lockdown.
 
Gary* said:
How do you overcome the urge to have
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Today I understand that the urge will pass if I don't pick up the drink. I found that once I gave into that urge, the urge got stronger not weaker. If I didn't pick up the drink no matter how strong the urge was it eventually passed and I was still sober.
 
Acme said:
Hi everyone, I'm OK, thanks @Gary*

I'm not really dependant on it, I just like how I feel after a hefty drink. It soaks up some of the anxiety and stress, and helps me loosen up a little.
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Glad you're doing okay!

That paragraph there sums up pretty much why I'm drinking at the moment and it also helps me to fall asleep at night - I'm going to try to not have a drink tonight and see how I get on.
 
Been trying to give up drinking for a while now. I don't drink huge amounts and tend to stick to Friday/saturday amounts but have quite a low tolerance so always feel moderately ropey for most of the weekend. Trying to drop half a stone of weight and find the disruption of some weekend boozing can really undo a lot of good work from the week in terms of diet and exercise.
 
Whatever I said last year I failed probebly, only been drinking 2 nights a week apart from Xmas ect but been doing a full bottle of wine a night then onto gin followed by a mild physical hangover but a severe mood hangover the. Next day.
My plan is to do 2 lower alcohol bottles a week, I just can't see myself giving up altogether tbh.
Been booze free this year so far but Fri, Sat night just dragged, missing that high already
 
Will be four years for me in a week or so. But I had a two 6-packs of Heineken 0.0 over Christmas/New Year, does that count as drinking or is it just beer flavoured pop?
 
Bit late as I missed the start of dry January but I'm going to give it a go now as I'm off work for the next month nd want to sort myself out a bit.
 
First Friday/Saturday after a week back at work so I guess this is the first major test for lots who are trying to cut it out. I will be heading to the supermarket later and on a normal Friday would stock up for the weekend. Will certainly not let it happen today though.
 
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