Once a cheater always a cheater?
- Thread starter V4NT0M
- Start date
no, its bull, complete bull.
These theories of blaming the cheater are all basing it on being the cheaters faultthis is not always, and not even that often the case.
Yes its their fault to actually go out and do it, but say someones married for 10 years and the wife(or husband) turns into a total ass for whatever reason, years of misery completely the other persons fault, then the other one finds some happyness with someone else. That way around the "non" cheater has to change, if they do it can be back and completely happy and fine.
THe thing here though is in general, if someone cheated, probably BOTH people in the relationship have to change something to be happy again.
Its actually fairly rare for someone to find a person they really like, be happy and go and cheat while they are really happy. People cheat when something in the relationship sucks but attachment and lack of wanting change make them stay but cheat.
The person you describe in your post should have just dumped said partner instead of holding onto them whilst moving onto someone else. Just have the balls to move on and then find someone else if your not happy. Cheating is a result of someones insecurity and fear of being alone in my experience.
If you're not happy with your partner just leave! Dont bother dragging it out until you just find someone new. Thats what I do anyway.
agree, break it up then find someone else and not just hold on to it then find someone else
I'd say false. More likely to a second time but not guaranteed.
Hmmm kinky
True, unless you handcuff them to a radiator in a cellar for the rest of the relationship
Hmmm kinky
How can you possibly know that?
False. People who have cheated I'd guess are more likely to cheat again, but to presume that every single person on the planet who has cheated is unable to become faithful is absurd.
His opinion, and I would say I agree out of my experince. But leason learnt.
It depends on why they cheated in the first place. Some people do it because they just don't care about their partner, some do it because they can, some because they feel stuck in a relationship but for whatever reason can't/don't want to get out of it. Obviously it's harder for people who do it because they can to change, but if it's situational, then I don't see why they can't.
Caporegime
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yes, and thats fine in theory, but about 99.9% of the population will happily go along in a less than perfect relationship rather than be alone. Its called the human condition. Yes its a forum and yes everyones lives on here are perfect and they always know the best thing to do. But in real life so far, in 25 years, I very very rarely see friends from work, school, uni, family do the right thing. Almost everyone I've ever met knows what they should do but don't do it.
But again you're commenting on what they SHOULD do, I was commenting on WHY they tend to do it and that reasoning isn't incorrect. Often after the cheating lots of couples get back together but eventually break up and find someone better. The biggest issue really is people aren't always "themselves" in a relationship at first, and 2 months to 2 years later they've changed back to the normal self and you end up less happy. ultimately you want that person back who you were with first, but after a while you realise they were never that person in the first place.
ANyone both posts were to point out that the idea that someone who has cheated can never be faithful is just plain stupid.
I was pointing out the main reason people tend to cheat. But there are lots of situations. I've yet to hear of someone, male of female who simply cheated for the pure sake of it. In general its as i said before, simply not happy but not so deeply unhappy they want to leave. But if thats the case, the guilty person isn't themselves in a deeply happy commited relationship even if the other person was, mentally that person is looking to move on but just hasn't yet.
Some people will sleep around simply because the relationship they are in is casual and not serious to them, they like the closeness but couldn't really give a crap about the person and look for other people, again that person isn't themselves commited fully, you can't say because they cheat then, that they will cheat when they are in a proper relationship.
Mostly people assume that how they feel and regard a relationship is exactly how the other person feels and so they base cheating on their view, which is never the same as the other persons.
But yes, in the same relationship people can cheat and then decide they want more from the relationship and be fully commited without cheating. To think otherwise is absurd. The problem is when that happens generally the "other" person in the relationship won't have changed their view of the relationship and can't physically see that the other person is treating everything differently. That leads to the cliche'd paranoia which tends to lead to problems, then the relationship goes to **** and the original cheater leaves and or cheats.
Associate
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i just split with mine over this after living with her for the past year, she cheated for the second time after promising me the earth she wouldnt. I love her more than the air that i breath, and the sad part is i know she loves me too but i cant stay with some one who wont be helped nor help themselves, i just ran out of evergy. But i still have faith in her, I still have faith she can sort her life and head out, work hard, meet someone good, and hopefully one day when she has done that, that she will realise what she has near her in the present is more important than what she could have in the future.
Associate
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It hurts but I think you did the right thing dudei just split with mine over this after living with her for the past year, she cheated for the second time after promising me the earth she wouldnt. I love her more than the air that i breath, and the sad part is i know she loves me too but i cant stay with some one who wont be helped nor help themselves, i just ran out of evergy. But i still have faith in her, I still have faith she can sort her life and head out, work hard, meet someone good, and hopefully one day when she has done that, that she will realise what she has near her in the present is more important than what she could have in the future.
thats true
False.
Some people (me included) learn from their mistakes.
I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. I guess I have been lucky to have learned from it... many dont.
Associate
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I hope so, the last 3 weeks have been the worst in my life. I only hope i never go through it again but to be honest, i don't have much faith in people anymore.
Soldato
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lmao
I only did it because I got annoyed with the other hackers so decided to join in
Thats what they all say, may all your children have 3 balls (even the females)
:
Associate
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I've been there and got the tshirt. I know how you feel though and as much as I hated hearing these words its so true "time will heal". I mean all you want is for it the pain to go away but it wont for a while. It seems when you face up to the fact its over and realise that its over and your better off you feel much better. You gave her a second chance thats it now she didnt learn the first time so I dont think she is going to change.