Paying a compliment apparently a bad thing..?

sansnom said:
I haven't read through all the replies yet and I don't know if you've gone back and tried to talk to her yet but here's my advice:

Send her an email or go round to her desk and say "hey got a min for a tea or coffee? I wanna talk to you about something".

In my office, there's a tea/coffee cantine so it's usually a good few minutes walk to it which is an ample opportunity to be nice and be yourself, the person she knows, and talk normally.

When you have your tea/coffee sit her down and just say it straight up like it is...

I think we get on very well and we have a genuine friendship which is rare and I hope that you feel you can be as completely honest with me as I feel I can be with you so that's why I wanted to say that I get the feeling something's changed. You seem to be a little distanced around me now and I'm just wondering if it had something to do with the compliment I paid you the other night when we were having drinks?

This will show her that A) you're not a baboon or a brute B) you're aware of yourself, what you say, and the effect it has on others C) you're mature enough to deal with what you perceive to be an issue head-on.

Re-assure her that her answer won't affect you either way, that you just wanted to make it clear that you were paying her a compliment because you meant it. It doesn't mean you want to date her or become 'more than friends'. Just be clear in that her company makes you feel comfortable and you only pay compliments to those you're comfortable with because otherwise someone not as close to you might misread it.

See what she says and respond accordingly.

In my experience of interacting with odd girls, and believe me I seem to attract all the nutjobs in the world cause every single one of them has had social and communication issues, I find the best policy is honesty. Just put it out there because she's one of two people. Either she'll be put to ease with knowing exactly where she stands or she'll revert even more and react negatively. If she does the latter, in my opinion you're doing yourself a favour cause it would've happened sooner or later.

hope it helps
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Cheers man, some good suggestions there.
 
Dont be bothered by It and never mix business with pleasure stick to doing your job.
If she wants to overreact like that it's either because #1 she doesn't fancy you and has no interest in you in that way what so ever
and is giving you the hint or #2 shes overreacted completely and is right up herself I happen to think it's probably the former.
IF WERE ME I'D GET ON AND DO MY JOB AND JUST IGNORE HER AND NOT APPROACH HER MIXING BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE NEVER WORKS.
Unless your a prostitute I guess.I certainly wouldn't go cap in hand to her if she cant take a compliment then sod her.
 
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see it from her possible point of view:

Lets say this woman is gorgeous (matter of perspective i know, just use some imagination!) gorgeous women get compliments a lot, so...by him paying her a compliment on something which is neither her fault nor something she has worked for is being like 99% of the other sobs she encounters. Cue any interest/mystery/intrigue being destroyed and her probably thinking 'oh another one of those eh?'.

Now Im not saying compliments are a no-go, just be sure to either a) compliment her on something than her looks i.e. aspect of clothing and/or impressive aspect of her personality.

Another fun way I like to pay compliments which might seem backward but works a treat is to give her a compliment and poke fun at the same time and this can work on anything that distinguishes her from everyone else, the easiest example being complimenting a vertically challenged woman with 'hey you're pretty cute....for a short ass/hobbit/borrower'


anyway thats just my perspective which admittedly was shaped massively reading the book 'double your dating' by david deangelo.

J
 
Just pull her aside ( not physically because that might look bad) and tell her that since you guys went out for drinks you have gotten the feeling she is more offish to you now. Then apologise for saying anything that may have offended her and tell her you had a great time and hope she did to.

If she is going to be wierd about it then just leave it and let time sort it out.
 
Personally i wouldn't think twice about complimenting a woman i know. That's just what i'm like as a person, and if she reacted in a slightly strange way to the compliment i'd paid her i wouldn't change the way i was around her or anyone else.

Just carry on being yourself and don't make a big thing out of it.

Thinking too much about these things generally just makes the situation worse.
 
Jambo said:
No update?
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All is well again. We're out tomorrow and Fri - i just kept my distance for a week or so (not in the sense that i avoided her, went about my way as i normally do) didn't do anything that i hinted i might do in previous posts here (namely apologise). S'cool now. I'm not gonna change my ways, i often compliment female friends and it's up to them how they take it! :)
 
TriedandTested said:
All is well again. We're out tomorrow and Fri - i just kept my distance for a week or so (not in the sense that i avoided her, went about my way as i normally do) didn't do anything that i hinted i might do in previous posts here (namely apologise). S'cool now. I'm not gonna change my ways, i often compliment female friends and it's up to them how they take it! :)
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Good work. So you gonna get her terribly drunk and take advantage? ;)
 
Don't worry about paying a compliment that's fine, you haven't done any major damage.

If you want to find out whether she likes you, let the dust settle and then start the compliments again, but this time start very small on fairly insignificant things, e.g. I like your coat / bracelet / earrings, make it something small, see the response you get. If you get a smile and a reciprocal comment, then signs are encouraging. The whole point is to make a compliment that provides an opportunity to reciprocate, without really putting yourself out there, so both parties can recover if necessary.

If progress is encouraging, move the compliments up to physical attributes, hair / eyes etc but not too quick and nothing too intimate. If you get further reciprocation, good progress keep going.

Then ask her out for a drink again, build up the compliments slowly again, and look for body language cues like is she leaning in, head to one side, is she smiling a lot and taking an interest. If all the signs are good you can finally say you like "her" and it's her opportunity to put her cards on the table.

Good luck.

Radderfire
 
Grab a quiet chat at work. Offer your apologies for any embarrisment you may have caused, but make sure you say you stand by your remark of her looking good. Explain that you do not want one innocent comment to ruin a working relationship or friendship.

If you can pluck up the courage you could say that if she was interested in maybe taking the friendship further you would be happy to go out for a drink or something to see how it goes.
 
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