Picking yourself up when you've hit rock bottom

Deiwos

Deiwos

Deiwos

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A little background first - I'm 24 and I'm currently a trainee ICT secondary school teacher. I started my PGCE in September after working in the IT industry for 2 years after graduating with my Computer Science degree. I chose to do teacher training after doing some volunteer work in a nearby school and through talking to friends who are teachers.

On my teacher training course I have 2 placements, one before christmas and one after February half term. I'm currently on my second placement where I'm teaching about 75% of regular teachers timetable, although I'm actually teaching more lessons than my other department teachers as they don't teach ICT at Key Stage 4 in this school (yes, really), and they only teach year 9s ICT for about 10 weeks.

Over the entirity of my time I've been on this placement I've been quite majorly depressed as I've been getting very little support from the department I'm in and I'm basically left to fend for myself all the time. I understand that that is what teaching can be but I struggle to understand how someone can let someone who is clearly struggling just struggle through with very little support.

This past 2 weeks I've hit rock bottom. I've been having all sorts of problems with my year 9 classes behaviour wise and I've finally reached breaking point. I've known for a while that I'm not cut out to be a teacher as I lack the ability to be angry and handle those difficult situations in the classroom and because of this I've hit a point where I don't feel like I can continue to be a teacher.

I'm constantly feeling depressed, feeling like I'm a failure, feeling like I can't go on with it all. I want to continue, I want to finish the course, prove I can do it but with how I feel and my mental state I can't see a way of getting through. Part of me wants to jack it all in, be done with it and start a new life. Part of me says 'get to the end, it's 7 weeks away' but I feel like I can't make it to that point, that my mind and body are going to give up on me at this point.

My biggest worry in all of this is if I do quit, what then? What does it mean to my job prospects, what does it mean financially for me? I'm scared and depressed about all of these things and I know my parents feel the same.

I don't really know why I've posted this, maybe I just needed to vent. Has anyone else had a similar experience that they'd like to share, maybe with how you get through it, how you dragged yourself out of the horrible place mentally where you didn't think you could accomplish anything?

Thanks for taking your time to read this :)
 
Well 7 weeks is nothing, you might as well stick around for that long. How about trying to get into adult education afterwards? I think you would find a different attitude in adults who have chosen to be there and to learn. Sorry, not very professional advice, it's just how I see it.
 
What about talking to the headteacher of the school regarding the lack of support? If your department are unwilling to offer support when asked I would raise the issue with the next level of management.

If it were me I'd stick with it though, I'd regret it if I personnally dropped out wouldn't you?
 
For 7 weeks mate, you might as well get the paper for it.

If you really are that down then maybe talk to your doctor. I've felt like bottom of the pile for years and have been easily irritated and stressed and ended up hating myself. I bit the bullet the other week and went to the doctors and right now on this day I feel great.

Work is fine, I've just got trough a break up after 5 years (I booked the appointment before all this) and I'm really enthusiastic about life again and much more confident. It does mean I'm on anti-depressants and they're just about taking effect but people have really noticed a difference in me and the confidence just keeps flowing. I quit uni half way through becasue of this but it was year ago and I didn't realise. If I could go back and change that I would. For 7 weeks, I'd at least suck it up and get the certificate. I'm sure you'll find the confidence once its over, but don't be shy about talking to someone professional, you never know :)
 
Suck it up and deal with it, use the means at your disposal to control the problem children.
You dont need to be angry, you just use the mechanisms there to deal with the problems when they arise.

If you get angry, they have won, there is nothing better than getting the teacher to blow his top, by the same token, breaking a teacher is just as much fun.

Take a deep breath, remain calm and just remove those that cause trouble, dont make a big fuss about it, dont attempt to show them up in front of the others, just get them out.
Thats what the job is, you will only have this problem if you move into another industry and get above dogsbody level, doing it the first couple of times will bother you, but after that, no problem.
As for support, never expect a superior or a company to give you support, they dont give a flying **** about you.
 
Can you ask a teacher at the school who is excellent at behaviour management for some pointers. Ask them to come and observe/you observe them.

For the sake of 7 weeks, don't walk away now. There are plenty of paths still open... college/6th form, adult education.

Just count down those lessons!!

Am sure every teacher has one class they dread.
 
monkeysmith said:
Can you ask a teacher at the school who is excellent at behaviour management for some pointers. Ask them to come and observe/you observe them.
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+1

You're teaching possibly the hardest age of education. I've felt like there's no remedy to problems at work but have been able to sit with my peers (someone you respect and know is capable) and discussed my issues with them. It's pretty amazing when you get suggestions from them and carry them out to find it works.

A lot of times I had mates who wouldn't bother with that approach because it made them look dumb. Which is a bit of an oxymoron if you ask me, who's gonna look dumb in the end!
 
Not really rock bottom is it. If that situation is getting you that depressed then you should really start learning to appreciate life more.
 
Clum said:
Not really rock bottom is it. If that situation is getting you that depressed then you should really start learning to appreciate life more.
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It's not so simple, it never is.
Without having experienced and felt exactly what he has, you can't say that. It's unique for each person. You don't have to have complete tradgedy to feel extremely unhappy.
It may be a chemical imbalance, just like drugs can give you amazing highs, an imbalance can give you a constant depressive outlook on life.

Simply saying "suck it up" like some people above and "appreciate life more" won't work in most cases, you might think for a second "oh yeah im better off than a lot of people" but days pass and you get back into that downward spiral. I should know, it's happening to me, except doctors don't give a **** so I'm left to just "deal with it". If the OP can, find a GOOD doctor.
 
I quit my primary PGCE course in january. I was working till 3am everynight and my class were mental. All sorts of mental, social, family, child protection issues. It was a nightmare, I would never recommend teaching to anyone, low money, no respect, work all the hours god sends. I suggest finishing your course as you have nearly finished it, then I suggest finding another job to do with your degree. I found teaching to suck, biggest mistake of my life so far. PS: I felt exactly the way you describe over christmas. I felt the job and the behaviour of the children wasn't worth the low salary. I have learnt to appreciate what I had in my old job before teaching lol.
 
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Clum said:
Not really rock bottom is it. If that situation is getting you that depressed then you should really start learning to appreciate life more.
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I suppose I should have expected such a response. I haven't gone into every minute detail as it'd take forever to list all the contributing factors to how I feel right now.

Perhaps my rock bottom is different to yours, all I know is I have never felt so alone, depressed and demotivated in all my life. What should I be appreciating about life right now? Sure, there's people in worse situations in the world than I am right now but I'm in such bad mental state right now that I feel like I've reached rock bottom.

Monkeysmith, trentlad et al, thanks for the advice. My main problem is trying to encourage and motivate myself out of this state of mind right now. I know 7 weeks isn't a long time, but coming home every night and leaving home in the morning dreading and hating my day makes seeing the goal a difficult thing.
 
Finish the course and go back to your old career. Your feelings/attitude must be showing in the classroom, if you cannot handle it you owe it to the children to not be a teacher.
 
Oxy said:
I quit my primary PGCE course in january. I was working till 3am everynight and I my class were mental. All sorts of mental, social, family, child protection issues. It was a nightmare, I would never recommend teaching to anyone, low money, no respect, work all the hours god sends. I suggest finishing your course as you have nearly finished it, then I suggest finding another job to do with your degree. I found teaching to suck, biggest mistake of my life so far. PS: I felt exactly the way you describe over christmas. I felt the job and the behaviour of the children wasn't worth the low salary. I have learnt to appreciate what I had in my old job before teaching lol.
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Out of interest Oxy, did you have to pay back any bursaries/grants as you didn't complete the course? That's one of the reasons why I'm trying to stay on as I'm worried about the bursary as I don't know if I'd have to pay it back if I didn't complete the course.
 
My tip would be focus on something else, something in the future you'd like to do or achieve. Helps to keep everything in perspective. I know people who joined the ramblers (don't laugh, I did too!) or set the goal to run a marathon. Just a fun challenge that gets you away from the daily routine...hope it helps :) Try to be around and involved with other people though.
 
Deiwos said:
Out of interest Oxy, did you have to pay back any bursaries/grants as you didn't complete the course? That's one of the reasons why I'm trying to stay on as I'm worried about the bursary as I don't know if I'd have to pay it back if I didn't complete the course.
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Nope never had to pay it back, I only payed 1k of the fees as I completed one term. I seriously suggest finishing the course and looking to get back in your old career. Talk to your tutors though, I had simialr issues you seems to have... Maybe you will fair better in a new school? Do you still like teaching? Do you still like being around the children?
 
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