Soldato
Richdog: Location: Utopia
You say drama llama, I say realist
I used extremes to make the point. The law is many shades of grey which is why I started out with "depend hugely on the circumstances at the time".
prenuptial agreement
- Thread starter nightrider1470
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Richdog: Location: Utopia
You say drama llama, I say realist
I used extremes to make the point. The law is many shades of grey which is why I started out with "depend hugely on the circumstances at the time".
The ponit is that the law is fundamentally broken in the UK... we have multi-million payouts for only a few years of marriage and no kids. That is pure insanity.Richdog: Location: Utopia
You say drama llama, I say realist
I used extremes to make the point. The law is many shades of grey which is why I started out with "depend hugely on the circumstances at the time".
Man of Honour
I got married in 1980 and I wish I had £1 for the amount of people who said the same thing to me.
I wanted to committ my life to a woman who is my whole world and she to me so we got married and still are.
The first child came in 1987 but the stupid things some people said in those first 7 years made me want to walk round with a baseball bat.
Soldato
The only idealistic nonsense is that people think marriage is easy and a happily ever efter.
Marriages need constant work from both sides, sometimes sacrifice, anyone that goes in thinking "Just in case if fails I'll protect myself" has already considering it might and won't work as hard at keeping it working because "I've got my assets protected"
I'm 35, 7 years married in May, together 20 in March. If the worst happened for whatever reason, it's only things, I'd walk away and leave it for my wife and 2 kids. I'm not a materialistic person.
Man of Honour
I think you missed the point I was getting at - the reassuringly expensive solicitor ought to advise the OP properly including the limitations on such an agreement. Not that they'd somehow magically be able to come up with something that gets him out of any legal obligations.
Soldato
Soldato
Got any quantifiable examples of how things would be different in any way if you hadn't gotten married?
I do think things have changed in the last few decades. Previously the risk of a divorce was much lower than it is now so the benefit vs risk was better. In today's world my opinion is that the risk is just too high. The chances of a divorce are higher now. A near 50/50 risk is just too high. I have seen so many of my friends and family destroyed financially and emotionally by it.
I'm also married and have been since 2000. We met in 1992 so she has been my life partner. But if I look around me it is unusual that marriages last that long nowadays.
Then I look at what the benefits are for men (or indeed women) and apart from bringing a more stable relationship for children (which in most cases is what women, rather than men want), I can't see many over simply being two individual people. Marriage doesn't affect how much you love someone. It's simply a legal contract that ensures the more wealthy partner will look after the poorer partner. That's great when your relationship is good but if you loved someone then you would do that anyway. But when the relationship breaks down and you no longer love each other (and that can happen regardless of whether you are married of not) then it forces the more wealthy partner to still look after the poorer partner by giving over half their assets.
I think it's different if you have children. But if you don't then I am struggling to see any benefit to marriage in today's world. If I find myself divorced (which as said is statistically not unlikely) then I wouldn't marry again. I can commit to my current wife even if we didn't have a legal contract in place for me to give her half of everything if one of us decides to end it.
Obviously everyone has a different opinion and yours is admirable. But it's something I have come to see clearly recently as so many friends lives have been wrecked by a legal contract that they gained very little benefit from.
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"It's only things"... well the rest of the forum bows down before your impeccable public display of altruism and rejection of all things material. Our sincere congratulations that money doesn't matter to you, and that your quality of life during your older years after a break up isn't a factor.
Meanwhile, back in the real world...
Soldato
This is an easy one.
Find someone who is roughly your equal in terms of intellect, income and future prospects. Makes it a lot easier, and not a sniff of gold digging.
I say this with experience second time around!
Find someone who is roughly your equal in terms of intellect, income and future prospects. Makes it a lot easier, and not a sniff of gold digging.
I say this with experience second time around!
Apparently divorce insurance exists, I'm not sure which is worse - having doubts from the outset or paying into an insurance scheme and having doubts from the outset
The chances of getting divorced are considerably greater than the likelihood of your house burning down. You wouldn't go without buildings insurance would you?
(I dare say "Divorce Insurance" premiums would be suitably hefty to reflect this...!)
I have always loved that 40% part
Would you go sky diving if there was a 40% chance the chute would not open?
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Man of Honour
Obviously no, maybe I wouldn't have taken living together seriously but I don't know.
What I can say is that being married I have taken it seriously.
Soldato
How does marriage bring a more stable relationship for children?
Edit: i realise my questions may sound like I'm being faecetious, but I'm honestly curious about what benefits marriage actually brings (other than some automatic rights which can easily be acquired/given through other legal avenues)
Soldato
"It's only things"... well the rest of the forum bows down before your impeccable public display of altruism and rejection of all things material. Our sincere congratulations that money doesn't matter to you, and that your quality of life during your older years after a break up isn't a factor.
Meanwhile, back in the real world...
Say what you like matey, it really doesn't bother me and I think your response show a lot more about you than it does me.
When I was 10 my parents split up. I had 5 years of hell in that time, for various reasons, a lot of which caused me a lot of problems that have taken many years to get over and some I still deal with. I went from a normal working class family environment to one that would in modern times be relying on food banks and be considered well below the poverty line. I own my average family home, I own my car, I work full time and have 2 amazing kids and a list of things I want (cars, bikes, bigger house etc), but, if the worst happens and I had to choose between material things and my kids going through what I went through I'd buy an acre of farmland from a farmer mate and live in a caravan if I had it. It's nothing to do with altruism, it is about experience and priorities. My kids come first.
Soldato
I just don't see the point in there being a richer or a poorer one in a marriage. A marriage is a union, 2 people become a team (it's the same for long term relationships). I work full time, my wife part time, but she's also looking after the kids and the house more than I am. She had more to put into the house etc before we got married but ultimately we knew it would even out over time. It's always seemed rather daft to me that you say "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but everything I had before is mine and not yours!" Probably why I am not good at poker, I'm either all in or all out
Because it forces people to try to work things out if/when the relationship goes bad. It means the children are more likely to have both parents living together. But that's because of the financial implications rather than because of love. So maybe it's a good thing and maybe it's not.
Aside from that I really can't think of any advantage marriage has. None.
If you had a prenup (assuming it was enforced) you could still voluntarily make sure your children were financially secure without your partner using the State to force you to do that.