Problem were I don't want to look uncaring..!! Please help..

iv-tecman

iv-tecman

iv-tecman

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This is perhaps something I shouldn’t post about but I’m pretty torn up about what I should be doing..

Basically, my gf is or ‘was’ having ultrasound guided steroid injections for pain management due to Morton’s Metatarsalgia in her feet.

Since the procedure, sadly she has put on a massive amount of weight, and despite warnings about how excessive weight can further compound the issue of pain in her feet, she has decided that she simply doesn’t care.

She has gone from a size 10 – 18 in a matter of months…. She firmly blames the treatment and seems to think that the injections will come out of her and she’ll lose the additional weight without a lifestyle change. I don’t think she will.

I don’t know what I should do, as I talked to her about it, and she accused me of no longer liking her as I now perceive her as fat.

I’ve offered to go swimming with her, as she can go swimming and not affect the pain in her feet, and offered to place myself on the same diet to reduce salt and sugars, as advised by her consultants.

I feel her attitude towards the increase in weight and not wanting to do anything about it is pretty upsetting, as I feel myself finding her less attractive all the time. And for this I feel very bad. I should love her for what she is, and not how she looks, and I know the injections have changed her body, but what do I do?

I nearly let her go a week ago, and it hurt her badly, and she has now started to swim, but she still refuses to change her diet, and continues to eat rather unhealthy imo.

In the last few weeks it has been harder and harder for me to stay with her, but somehow when we talk, I do feel for her – she is now listed as disabled and therefore I do feel as if I’m being very selfish…

I should support her in her illness and the fact she can’t walk all that far, and is on painkillers 24/7 but I do feel she doesn’t help herself…..

I’m on the fence, I do love her, we have made plans for the future and she does want to lose the weight for her own health but doesn’t take any advice – plus there is now the added complication that I have found the excess body weight very unattractive.

Please, no nasty comments…. Thank you.
 
try getting rid of all the "fatty" food in the house eat it yourself / hide it and just don't buy it. Offer to cook and come up with healthy foods, just got to trick her into eating healthy soon become routine.

or just start making fat jokes and start leaving around pictures of rly nice skinny women around the house.
 
Well first of all, well done for trying to encourage her to go swimming/eat healthily etc and offering to take it up as well. That was a very good move.

Secondly, only in fairy tales do people love someone whether they are size 8 or size 18. Physical attraction is something which is very important to a relationship and i'm guessing you fell in love with your slender girlfriend. Now that she has a lot of extra baggage, you could rightly feel that she isn't the same girl you fell for because she has drastically changed.

Thirdly, don't give up on her just yet. Keep the encouragement up re: the swimming, healthy eating etc and you go to the gym and eat extra healthily even if she doesn't and maybe she'll catch on. If it gets to breaking point, let her know that it is negatively affecting your relationship and that she is turning into somebody else and getting further and further away from the girl you fell for.

Ultimately, it may result in her not wanting to lose weight and you may have to cut her loose, but don't feel bad about this. It's not like you won't have given it a hell of a go!
 
Sit down and tell her how you feel, in as caring a manner as possible. Relationships are built on honesty and trust, and sometimes telling someone something they might not want to hear.
 
I am trying..... I myself have a kidney problem and was advised to eat healthy, and I do.... I try to cook her healthy meals but its just not working...

I can't beleive how in a few months she just ballooned up. It was very upsetting, but size 10 - 18 makes her look HUGE.!!! the stomach is massive. she actually looks expecting. Some actually ask us when its due.!!

I was ready to let her go, but when she offered to go swimming with me, it did give a ray of light.

I really do not want to see myself as uncaring. We've only been together a short time as well......... But we fell in love. she loves me to bits, but I she always plays the "I have to be happy with myself otherwise it would ruin my confidence" sadly its ruined mine in her at the moment...
 
How long have you tried to encourage her to change and to go swimming etc, if its been a good few months and she is making no effort at all, then do not feel guilt she isnt helping herself and she is not the person you knew.
 
iv-tecman said:
I am trying..... I myself have a kidney problem and was advised to eat healthy, and I do.... I try to cook her healthy meals but its just not working...

I can't beleive how in a few months she just ballooned up. It was very upsetting, but size 10 - 18 makes her look HUGE.!!! the stomach is massive. she actually looks expecting. Some actually ask us when its due.!!

I was ready to let her go, but when she offered to go swimming with me, it did give a ray of light.

I really do not want to see myself as uncaring. We've only been together a short time as well......... But we fell in love. she loves me to bits, but I she always plays the "I have to be happy with myself otherwise it would ruin my confidence" sadly its ruined mine in her at the moment...
Click to expand...

how old are you? I ask because if you're young, there really doesn't seem to be that much point accumulating baggage.
 
Apart from attempting to talk to her there isn't too much to do. You can help her all you want but if she doesn't admit to the problem or accept that help it'll eventually just not work.

You could try cooking joint meals which are more healthy, but she'll have to eventually see the problem herself.
 
Her condition is mortons toe, but she had a car crash a few years ago, and it really messed her feet up...... the bones in her feet are actually too long, and he second and third toes are bigger then her big toe meaning she hasn't actually walked correctly since birth.. Well, actually they did fix this by breaking and shortening the bones, but after the car crash it ruined her feet..

so about a month after we met she'd already made her mind up for pain management and injections once her bones were fully set.... This was mostly before I came along but after a year of being with her, I now know the truth..

I don;t mind anyone trying to reduce pain, even more so after feet have been rebuilt, but to do nothing after side affects, even more so when weight can create her problems - I feel its really bad, and pig headed and stubborn.

It can be passed to her offspring, she got morton's toe from her own mum, but she had more pain as a child with it.....
 
To be honest, although I can understand the circumstances and everything, leaving her while she's on treatment and because she's suddenly gained weight it pretty low.

I would probably be guilty of doing the same thing in such a situation but that doesn't make it right.

Plus, I have little idea as to why you're asking OcUK on advice; a male dominated forum full of lonely geeks (like myself) probably isn't the best place for balanced opinions.
 
Not that I can offer much advice but I'd just like to add that loving someone and and being equally attracted to them physically shouldn't necessarily go hand in hand.

Simply put OP you love her and want her to lose weight, you don't love her less because she's got fat (or at least you shouldn't). It's not like she's put on a bit of weight, there's a genuine health concern to consider.
 
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