Quality joke thread!

[Lartyconshayo]

I used to tell jokes about dyslexia.

You should have seen the letters I got !

 

[Maccapacca]

Two parrots sitting on a perch one says to the other can you smell fish

 

[kinobestew123]

I went into an opticians today. Guess who I bumped into?

I reckon this joke could have ended here. The next bit was like you were explaining the joke.

 

[jas72]

What goes 99 clump 99 clump 99 clump.

centipede with a wooden leg.

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?

... footprints in the butter.

How does an elephant ask for a cream bun?

"can I have a cream bun please"

 

[No1newts]

^

It's a hard call which is the worst.

 

[Shayper]

What do a mole and an eagle have in common?


They both live underground. Except for the eagle.

 

[opstrat]

2 fish in a tank, one asks the other, how do you drive this thing?

cow 1, this mad cow disease is scary stuff.
cow 2, I know, thank **** im a tractor.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

I have been watching Bruce Willis films whilst wearing used nuns' uniforms. I have been doing it for years and I am finding it difficult to stop.


Old habits die hard.

 

[physichull]

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Credit: Ross Noble, thank you for that one!

 

[physichull]

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?

... footprints in the butter.

How does an elephant ask for a cream bun?

"can I have a cream bun please"

How do you know if an elephant has been in your bathroom?

You can't close the toilet lid.

 

[smelly_legend]

See josef fritzl wrote a book...

...it was best best cellar