Quick grammar check please

Feek

Feek

Feek

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This short paragraph conveys the info but I don't like the wording. Something's wrong and I can't put my finger on it.

Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands that is open to the public and is a quiet, tranquil location.
Click to expand...

I think the part which offends me is the "that is open to the public".

Any suggestions to improve how it reads?
 
Feek said:
This short paragraph conveys the info but I don't like the wording. Something's wrong and I can't put my finger on it.



I think the part which offends me is the "that is open to the public".

Any suggestions to improve how it reads?
Click to expand...

"Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands, which is open to the public and is a quiet, tranquil location."

That's what I think anyway :)
 
Shayper said:
"Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands, which is open to the public and is a quiet, tranquil location."

That's what I think anyway :)
Click to expand...

Why is there a comma before "which"? Doesn't sound right to me
 
"Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands; open to the public and a quiet, tranquil location."
 
-BA- said:
"Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands, open to the public and is a quiet, tranquil location."
Click to expand...

Better than mine, however I would add that "is".
 
No, that's wrong. That's saying that it's the smallest of the Channel Islands (it isn't) and that it's open to the public.

I think just swapping 'that' to 'which' makes the difference I'm looking for.
 
"(that is open to the public)" or "which is open to the public"

:)

Or to completely switch it around:

"Of all the Channel Islands open to the public, Herm Island is the smallest. Measuring at just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide, it is a quiet and tranquil location."

Though that will stick you on the rest of the info.

e: Updated. Not sure I like it though.
 
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Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and is the smallest of the Channel Islands measuring just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is open to the public whilst being both quiet and tranquil.

meh final edit.
 
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Ahh right wasn't sure what he was conveying with the statement re. open to the public.

In which case something like this perhaps:

"Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. Of those open to the public, it is the smallest of the Channel Islands and is a quiet, tranquil location."
 
Feek said:
This short paragraph conveys the info but I don't like the wording. Something's wrong and I can't put my finger on it.

I think the part which offends me is the "that is open to the public".

Any suggestions to improve how it reads?
Click to expand...

I think that what's jarring on you might be a perception of a mismatch of singular (various references to Herm Island) and plural (Channel Islands that are open to the public).

It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands that is open to the public [..]
Click to expand...


"Channel islands open to the public" is plural, so 'is' doesn't entirely fit. You're presumably intending the singular 'is' to refer Herm Island, but the structure of the sentences makes the reference unclear because 'is' seems to be attached to "Channel islands open to the public", which is plural. I wouldn't say it's grammatically wrong, just a little unclear. It's easy for the reader to attach 'is' to "Channel islands open to the public" rather than to "smallest of the channel islands open to the public".

You could just replace 'is' with 'are', but you could also change the order of the information to more clearly seperate the plural (Channel Islands that are open to the public) and the singular (Herm Island). Something like this, perhaps:

"Herm island is the smallest of the Channel Islands that are open to the public. A mile and a half long by half a mile wide and located three miles from the coast of Guernsey, it is a quiet, tranquil location."
 
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I can feel my grammar teacher twitching from here.. that "are" really doesn't look right.
I was always taught, such as with the following phrase, that "is" should be used:

"None of them is correct"
and that "None of them are correct" is incorrect.

Stephen Fry is always correcting Alan Davies on QI with grammatical mishaps like this too. :p

"Herm island is the smallest of the Channel Islands that is open to the public. A mile and a half long by half a mile wide and located three miles from the coast of Guernsey, it is a quiet, tranquil location."

That reads much better, in my opinion :)
 
Feek said:
This short paragraph conveys the info but I don't like the wording. Something's wrong and I can't put my finger on it.



I think the part which offends me is the "that is open to the public".

Any suggestions to improve how it reads?
Click to expand...

Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey. It measures a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands which is open to the public in a quiet, tranquil location.
Click to expand...

Here's my go at it.:p
 
My take:

Just three miles from the coast of Guernsey, Herm Island is the smallest of the Channel Islands open to the public. Measuring just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide, it is a quiet and peaceful location.
 
The Island of Herm is the smallest public island of the Channel islands, measuring in at a mile and a half by a mile. A very peaceful and tranquil place located three miles from Guernsey.
 
Herm city is three-fitty miles from the coast of Guernsey and weighs just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands that is closed to the pubic and is a quiet, turtle location.
 
WrathOfAchilles said:
Herm city is three-fitty miles from the coast of Guernsey and weighs just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands that is closed to the pubic and is a quiet, turtle location.
Click to expand...

You forgot that it's a World Turtle Site. :p
 
Feek said:
I think the part which offends me is the "that is open to the public".
Click to expand...
Some of the re-writes here are good, but I think the problem with "that is" is it is redundant. It still makes sense without:

Herm Island is three miles from the coast of Guernsey and measures just a mile and a half long by half a mile wide. It is the smallest of the Channel
Islands open to the public and is a quiet, tranquil location.
Click to expand...
 
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