Rampant lies grown-ups told you.

Status
Not open for further replies.

GTA

GTA

GTA

Permabanned
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
346
Location
**** your love.
Prompted to do this from the "Tooth Fairy" thread, where I remembered that my dad once told me that the tooth fairy needed teeth to do voodoo on me if I was naughty. What a guy :)

Anyhow, I got to thinking that in general, kids get lied to all the time, from little lies such as "If you pull that face, and the wind changes, you'll be stuck like that." ( Which, of course, every kid tried. I remember standing in my garden gurning and waiting for the wind to change direction. It did/didn't work, depending on who you ask. ) To massive lies, such as "I love you" ( roffleroffle. )

I have been told :

1. In France, the right of way laws for driving are the other way round. For example, when you want to pull out onto a main road, you just go right ahead, and the people already on the road have to stop for you. If they don't, then the accident is their fault and they get guillotined. - My dad, while we were on a Ferry on the way to France. I was about 8.

2. If you eat at McDonalds, then you're going to hell, because its an evil company. - Very strange one from a Sunday school teacher, I was about 4-5 at the time. She was quite young, so its possible she was a student, worked at McDonalds, and was taking the NO SWEARING!!!.

3. If you don't exercise, you'll have a heart attack. - My mum, I was about 6 or so. Now, although this isn't exactly a lie, the way she said it made me think that I was going to have a heart attack at 6. I got obsessed with taking my pulse, especially after I hadn't exercised for a bit, like in class. My teacher thought I might be autistic, and sent me to see the school nurse.

Your go.
 
This won't hurt - I think I was about five when I fell over and grazed my knee. My mum was about to put some antiseptic stuff onto my knee and told me the above blatent lie. I seem to remember that I had to scrape myself off the ceiling about half a nanosecond after she applied the cloth with the detol (or whatever it was) on my leg.

K.
 
My dad - "When I was a lad we were so poor we had to eat ladybird sandwiches."

I think this deserves extra points for complete randomness.
 
Last edited:
When asking about the bruised parts of the bannana, at about 4 years of age, I was told "Don't worry, it's only Sugar".

Given a bottle of Lucozade after some stiches had been put in "That'll make you better"

This one is not a lie as such, but I had a, what was known as, "Basher" phone - the old Philips C12, when my Dad found out why this phone was so special, he hid it. The genious part is, he taped it to the back of my Sock Drawer (on the outside). You can't even begin to comprehend how much and how long I searched the whole house for. I found the phone 5 years later when clearing out.
 
[DOD]Asprilla said:
A swan can break your arm All time classic and I've yet to see the documented proof (although I'm not going close enough to disprove it though experimentation).
Click to expand...

This is actually true. I used to live with a med student, and she came in all happy one night saying that that very day, she had bandaged up a kid who had had his collarbone broken by a swan hitting it with a wing.
 
Hahaha, I was just on the phone to my brother, and he swears that this is true.

In RE classes, at age 11, the teacher was asked "Why don't Jews eat pork?" Her response was "Because a pig attacked Moses once."

Quite literally, holy crap.
 
I was told that if you didn't wash your ears and between your toes properly then cabbages would grow.

Also ' It's too cold to snow ', Come on man, in Siberia and Antarctica it's 40 degrees below and there is tonnes of the bloody stuff !
 
GTA said:
Hahaha, I was just on the phone to my brother, and he swears that this is true.

In RE classes, at age 11, the teacher was asked "Why don't Jews eat pork?" Her response was "Because a pig attacked Moses once."

Quite literally, holy crap.
Click to expand...
Quoted for best comedy punch line ever on these forums.
 
If you tell me the truth I won't hit you
I soon found that one out to be a lie :D

Drinking beetroot juice dries up your blood into a giant scab
Depite drinking copious amounts of the 'red vinegar' my blood still flows quite freely :D

Bumble bees don't sting .... only wasps do
I tried showing my mates that one when I was a little un'.
Bumble bee sitting on flower, little boy grabs flower with bumble bee enclosed, little boy turns to mates (who were amazed at this) and say's, Bumble bees don't sting .... only wasps Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh :D
 
Aliboy said:
Drinking beetroot juice dries up your blood into a giant scab
Depite drinking copious amounts of the 'red vinegar' my blood still flows quite freely
Click to expand...

I conducted a valuable scientific experiment as a youngster and drank beetroot juice in the hope that I would micturate red.

It worked.

I peed as if I have taken kidney punches off Mike Tyson.

I didn't scab over though, although I have had no common sense since.

And why are you not in Glasgow Al, looking at ladies thighs in the car ?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom