Rant about Ex

I'd be working with the social worker at getting some sort of restraining order against the bloke.

I'd also be looking at sole custody of your son due to child protection issues, a judge would have no issues with that. I'd also look into it then speak to the mum and tell her what you are going to do if she gets back with him.

Local papers with his name and what he's done, with a photo maybe, shame him into leaving the area.

And while violence has been mentioned in this thread, resorting to that will destroy any case you may have for custody. You just have to suck it up and not react to it if you want to do what's best for your son.
 
Try and stay at least a bit civil with your ex if you can help it, seeing as you get on well, any attempt to win custody is likely going to sour that relationship which will only make seeing your son harder.

You've tried to talk her out of leaving him which failed so suggest he comes to stay with you for a while, you don't exactly know this man so if she's reasonable she will understand why you don't trust him and don't want your kid near him.
 
OP, I know you say you can't afford legal action, but you need to find a way. A colleague of mine was in a very similar situation to you and although it's shafted him financially for years, he managed to find a solicitor that specialised in family law that would give him a line of credit. The final bill was almost 5 digits, but it had the desired effect. He ended up with joint custody and the fact he was willing to go to court eventually persuaded his ex to end the relationship with her partner in order to at least keep joint custody.

It's also worth speaking to social services as they might well be prepared to support you if you apply for custody.
 
Cheers for the responses guys, can't say i thought i'd be in this situation. She reckons it isn't going back to how it i was , not sure how that works really.

My works Laptop is a bit crap as it won't let me press the quote button!
So in response to one of the questions about him going to america .. i hope not! i'd like to think the caution would stop him getting in but it is a worry.
In response to the question about this being posted here, you maybe correct as such i'll remove the post later today incase it courses any issues some how.

When i was at the hospital the social worker said to her that he would need anger management classes/ courses if they were to try again. Anger management courses don't put my mind at risk

Another thing i do not like with this is that the policce and social workers have been in touch with his mum throughout the whole thing and not once apart from the hospital spoken to me about anything. the only contact the police had was turning up gone 9pm and taking pictures of my lad as evidence. He couldn;t answer any questons as he wasnt involed in any of the case, he was a normal police man who came out because CID were understaffed to take their own pictures.

I'd love to have parental responsiblity / custody but having just purchased a house i am just in the red so cannot afford it, personally i think the government should help out but hey ho get used to it.
 
Get the kid out of there. Speak with both your ex and the social worker about this. Tell them both that the three of you all can sort out what's best for the child long-term between you amicably but right now you have a frightened five year old in a situation where they're not safe and you want the kid to stay with you this week. That gets the kid out of there and also includes the three people whose decisions have to be taken into account. All three of you probably have the kid's welfare as your first priority so doing this while the three of you sort out a response is a reasonable suggestion.

Secondly, I would tell your ex that such behaviour goes on and gets worse over time. Always. There are plenty of people and sources to back you up on that if she doesn't believe you or doesn't want to. And if she can't finish the relationship for herself, she needs to at least finish it for her child. Children learn from observation and imitation. I got the impression your child is a boy. Children who grow up witnessing abuse repeat it themselves. If she doesn't want her child to grow up to treat women like this guy does, she has to get the child out from under his influence. Does she want to imagine her son as a grown up striking a partner or child? If not, then she has to end this.

She may well be afraid or see her life only in terms of this one relationship. She needs to know she doesn't have to be afraid and that there is more out there than this guy.
 
Get your boy out of there and living with you, let her find out about being smacked about. Job done. There's only one person in this you need to look out for
 
You absolutely MUST contact (in writing, recorded delivery) as many social services and local authorities as you can.

IF anything bad happens, your concerns are officially noted.
 
Xenia Onatopp said:
Why did he hit the child?
Click to expand...

How is that in any way relevant? Beyond a gentle smack on the arse (I'm not against the odd gentle smack here and there like some people), you do not hit children. Ever. Certainly not hard enough to bruise and absolutely not hard enough to warrant a hospital visit. Nothing the child could've done would warrant that response.

OP, I'd be following the advice of most of the people here and seeking full custody straight away. I know it'll be financially draining but the safety of your child must come first.
 
Just to the OP.

Get your son out of there ASAP, do everything you can possibly do to make that happen, because if something worse happens, you will seriously regret you didn't.

I saw my brother go through the same. It destroyed him.
 
im sure the courts would rule in your favour due to the fact he's living there and he has been arrested for child abuse.

finacially aside, its your child and in your position i woulod be doing everything i can to get him out of there.

keep us up to date, hope you get it sorted. would hate to be in that position myself.
 
As for why he hit him ... My lad said the water in the shower was to hot and the guy tried getting him out and he accidently kicked him.
2 things that concerned me was 1: why is he showering my lad 2: why was the water to hot? Surely checking before putting him in is common sense.
My lad probs shouldn't have kicked him and i doubt he would have done it hard but that doens;t warrent what he did. I lived with my ex for quite a number of years and until my lad was nearly 3, not once did i feel the need to hit him in anyway, now hes 5 and still havent had the need!

I'll look into custody
 
It's gonna be an absolute ******* of a situation to be in.

As you know as soon as you file for full custody, his mum will turn against you as she'll see that you're taking her child away.

It's probably worthwhile getting the ball rolling now, as a number of news stories, and documentaries have shown, it's very rare that an abuser hits out a single time, these things normally get progressively worse over time.
 
The thought of your own child being smacked/hit by a stranger (let alone anyone else) sounds gut wrenching. I truly hope I never end up in that situation, hope everything works out OP.
 
I would contact the authorities asap, but I would also seek my own retribution and be cute about it. Since when did grassing someone to teacher ever work? Sometimes you have to step up and sort things yourself.

I hope the scum bag gets whats coming , and you get your son.

CB
 
Reading online i believe i need to fill in a 'form C1' which i've printed off, going to get myself down to the citizens advise bureau see what advise they can give. His mums come out with a corker 'you don't know him like i do'
erm yes i do hes scum.

I am with someone with a 3 year old who lets say can be challenging and more hardwork than my lad but not once have i ever thought 'shes going to get it' or anything like that. If they're naughty and shes kicking off to much i put in her room and let her vent in there. not hit her.

when this all happened i thought fair play she didn't know he would do that, shes chucked him out , didn't think for a moment she'd be so stupid. must be loads of genuine guys out there.
I know if i have no joy every time theres' a mark on him i'll be worried its from him.
 
Chap I know was in the same situation with his daughter, although his ex's partner pinned her against a wall by the neck and throttled her.

Went through the same things as you, but the partner was stupid enough to do it again, having already been warned by social services.

The instant SS heard he'd done it a second time, the partner was arrested and charged, the ex lost custody of her daughter and the chap was reunited with his daughter. Partner is now serving time and I believe the ex lost custody of her other kids due to being an unfit mother - Apparently taking back a nutter who abuses kids is considered incapable of rational judgement, as is defending him in court!

So press as hard as you can and do not give up hope - It can be won!!
 
That's a horrible situation, I would probably do something stupid but would be at peace knowing it was probably morally correct to protect your child.

But the chaps advice above seems good.
 
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