Rant about Ex

Forget social workers, they are a total waste of space and it's evident by the endemic child abuse that goes on by families that are supposedly under their watch. They are the most PC brigade around and few seem able to make Draconian moves to bring kids away from danger in case it "upsets" someone. One only has to Google child abuse and social workers to see the horrendous things that have happened in the UK under their jurisdiction. Their abject failings never seem to bring job loss or financial loss, they just get shifted around, claim stress, or retire early on a good pension. I would seek the advice of a good solicitor as to your way forward to applying for custody, not that that will be easy if you are trying to hold a job down as well, I can only wish you all the best and for what it's worth offer my sympathy.
 
413x said:
More than a rant. This is serious. I don't even know if it should be posted on here. If the guy is coming back, you want him out. It will happen again. Shame she's fallen for it.
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ttaskmaster said:
Chap I know was in the same situation with his daughter, although his ex's partner pinned her against a wall by the neck and throttled her.

Went through the same things as you, but the partner was stupid enough to do it again, having already been warned by social services.

The instant SS heard he'd done it a second time, the partner was arrested and charged, the ex lost custody of her daughter and the chap was reunited with his daughter. Partner is now serving time and I believe the ex lost custody of her other kids due to being an unfit mother - Apparently taking back a nutter who abuses kids is considered incapable of rational judgement, as is defending him in court!

So press as hard as you can and do not give up hope - It can be won!!
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Thanks for this info, it's a shame it has happened twice in this case. Hopefully this will go a different way and there won't be a second time.
 
Chris Wilson said:
Forget social workers, they are a total waste of space and it's evident by the endemic child abuse that goes on by families that are supposedly under their watch. They are the most PC brigade around and few seem able to make Draconian moves to bring kids away from danger in case it "upsets" someone. One only has to Google child abuse and social workers to see the horrendous things that have happened in the UK under their jurisdiction. Their abject failings never seem to bring job loss or financial loss, they just get shifted around, claim stress, or retire early on a good pension. I would seek the advice of a good solicitor as to your way forward to applying for custody, not that that will be easy if you are trying to hold a job down as well, I can only wish you all the best and for what it's worth offer my sympathy.
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Have you ever worked in child social care? I have, and your talking absolute rubbish. Social care teams are incredibly under-resourced thanks to 6 years of budget cuts and have mountains of paper work to take care of as they have to cover their arses against incredible scrutiny. They used to have an army of admin staff to take care of all that, but that's now something which councils can't afford. More cases + less time with each family = social workers not being able to do anything like as much as they want.
 
FishFluff said:
Have you ever worked in child social care? I have, and your talking absolute rubbish. Social care teams are incredibly under-resourced thanks to 6 years of budget cuts and have mountains of paper work to take care of as they have to cover their arses against incredible scrutiny. They used to have an army of admin staff to take care of all that, but that's now something which councils can't afford. More cases + less time with each family = social workers not being able to do anything like as much as they want.
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Aren't you largely saying the same thing, social workers are ineffective and have too little protection to take any real action?
 
These council workers are always whining about staffing levels, resources, pay, stress, whatever. There are countless cases in the UK, well publicised where the social workers are screaming apologies for deaths where relatives, the police, even the kids themselves are telling them there are serious issues, yet they have done nothing constructive. their care of the elderly is similarly lacking. Jobsworths, in my experience, hiding behind legislation, constantly complaining. Teachers are no better, they have often failed to get involved where the cruelty to a child in their care is manifestly obvious, but as you rightly say, they put covering their lazy arses first.


Here's a few to post apologies for, sadly it won't help them now.... Sorry the list is *SO* long, it'll take a while to plough through it.

https://theukdatabase.com/uk-child-...that-have-died-from-social-services-failures/

Did I mention Rotherham? If the perpetrators of the abuse are ethnics, God help the kids. Can't have them called racist, best to take the ostrich approach, rather than sully their precious careers.
 
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Why did he smack your child? I'd hate to defend a known abuser (if he is), but was it a one off mistake that he hit too hard and had things got out of control?

I can understand why you would be so angry for two reasons, one because another man is looking after your son and the second is that he has bruised him.

I never smacked my step son or my son hard enough to leave a mark of any kind. Maybe they might have got a smack on the back of the hand if they tried to touch the oven or put something into a 240v socket, but nothing 'out of control'.

My mum used to smack me with a wooden spoon and left red marks and probably bruises, but back then it was common place.

It must have left quite a mark for it to be taken to the police? I know of some teachers being jobs worth and take even the slightest bruise as abuse. I also know of some who have a hard time doing anything even if the child has obviously been abused. I have a friend who works in a preschool and has seen most things.
 
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always4lora said:
As for why he hit him ... My lad said the water in the shower was to hot and the guy tried getting him out and he accidently kicked him.
2 things that concerned me was 1: why is he showering my lad 2: why was the water to hot? Surely checking before putting him in is common sense.
My lad probs shouldn't have kicked him and i doubt he would have done it hard but that doens;t warrent what he did. I lived with my ex for quite a number of years and until my lad was nearly 3, not once did i feel the need to hit him in anyway, now hes 5 and still havent had the need!

I'll look into custody
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Get your boy with you, safe, drop the weight of the legal world on their heads if needs be, I know what it's like when you know your child is in danger.

Had my children 3-1/2 years now, safe with me, wouldn't have it any other way.

Good luck :)
 
I do not understand how a grown man can assault a child who is unrelated to him and get a caution.

Is the child going to the US with them?

Did he declare his caution on his esat US waiver? Might be worth informing the US immigration he has a caution, those are more official than people realise, as it is admittance of a crime.
 
I'd put aside any issues about being able to afford it, or the consequences with the ex, or other complications or ANY other factors which might dissuade you from doing what has to be done. Start proceedings to get your boy out of there, and do whatever it takes.
 
Horrible situation for you to be in. My son is 6 and I can't imagine being in your situation. I would recommend you avoid the advice to go and beat the living **** out of him. I know it is what I would want to do in your situation but it won't help your case. Glad you have had the restraint not to do anything stupid.

I am in no way an expert but is it not the case of getting a court order to amend custody? I was under the impression that anyone can apply and its a couple of hundred quid fee.

Hope it gets resolved.
 
Your son must be feeling really comfortable now with his abuser living in the same house as him.

he won't tell anyone if this guy beats him again.

You were just lucky last time that the mum was there to hear it. She won't next time and your son will be too scared to tell anyone.

You can't say there's nothing that can be done. There's plenty if you make the effort - how hard is it to move a person from one place to another?
 
Chris Wilson said:
These council workers are always whining about staffing levels, resources, pay, stress, whatever. There are countless cases in the UK, well publicised where the social workers are screaming apologies for deaths where relatives, the police, even the kids themselves are telling them there are serious issues, yet they have done nothing constructive. their care of the elderly is similarly lacking. Jobsworths, in my experience, hiding behind legislation, constantly complaining. Teachers are no better, they have often failed to get involved where the cruelty to a child in their care is manifestly obvious, but as you rightly say, they put covering their lazy arses first.


Here's a few to post apologies for, sadly it won't help them now.... Sorry the list is *SO* long, it'll take a while to plough through it.

https://theukdatabase.com/uk-child-...that-have-died-from-social-services-failures/

Did I mention Rotherham? If the perpetrators of the abuse are ethnics, God help the kids. Can't have them called racist, best to take the ostrich approach, rather than sully their precious careers.
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You need to leave the Internet alone for a while.


Care workers and teachers are some of the least lazy professionals.
Teachers are trained to spot issues and then REPORT them to higher ups. It's then up to the senior leadership to deal with it. Not the teachers.

You obviously haven't a clue what your on about.
 
Are you legally the father? E.g. on the birth certificate? If so, they can't legally take him out of the country without your permission, so I would get onto the police asap and make it know that you are denying that permission

Good luck, if I were in your position I'd like to think I'd do things by the book, but honestly if I found out his mum's new bf was hitting him I think it would end badly!
 
Diagro said:
You need to leave the Internet alone for a while.


Care workers and teachers are some of the least lazy professionals.
Teachers are trained to spot issues and then REPORT them to higher ups. It's then up to the senior leadership to deal with it. Not the teachers.

You obviously haven't a clue what your on about.
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The figures for death of children under Social Services care speak for themselves, and to add fuel, they never learn. Take the Rotherham scandal. One might think that now their failings are in the public domain they'd be bending over backwards to ensure nothing like that could happen again, especially on their own manor. But no:

http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/69...d-grooming-gangs-industrial-scale-victims-CSE

"GROOMING of young girls by gangs of predominantly Kashmiri men is still occurring on an “industrial scale” in Rotherham because authorities are failing to tackle an organised child sex crime racket, an investigation by express.co.uk has uncovered.

By Nick Gutteridge in Rotherham
PUBLISHED: 06:00, Tue, Aug 9, 2016 | UPDATED: 15:50, Wed, Aug 10, 2016"

Inexcusable and sadly typical of your "least lazy professionals" And the only thing most teachers outside of the private education sector seem good at is going on strike and dumbing down national exams to flatter their inadequate efforts. <LOL>
 
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