Relathionship - again

Daniel75 · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:30

Need an advice. I'm dating this girl 4 months now. We have a very good, strong and fun relationship. What's happening now is this: recently she refreshed a communication with her ex. It started with some hillwalking, coffee's etc. Now she said that shes going to his place for a dinner.

I feel slightly uneasy about it. I do trust her but it just feels weird. Am I overacting? Personally I don't see anything wrong with having a friendship with ex but late time dinner sounds too intimate for my taste.

Am I wrong being slightly upset?

JohnnyG · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:31

Sit down mate as you're going to get some advice that'll hurt.

Mr Jack · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:34

Yeah, she's sleeping with him.

Just don't lend her money.

Kerplunk · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:35

Hmm, "dinner" ?

MookJong · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:35

You need to sit her down and talk to her urgently to explain your concerns, because I think they are justified. She is being honest with you about where she is going which is good and it may be innocent on her part but is it innocent on his?

Why did they slit up and who initiated the split?

I would never do this to a new girfriend as I would know how dodgy it would look and how uneasy it would make them feel. She clearly doesn't have that much respect for you if she hasn't asked if it's ok first.

Mr Jones · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:35

Daniel75 said:
I feel slightly uneasy about it. I do trust her but it just feels weird. Am I overacting? Personally I don't see anything wrong with having a friendship with ex but late time dinner sounds too intimate for my taste.

Am I wrong being slightly upset?

You ought to be; first off, have all 3 of you actually sat down and have a meal or been out together? If not, I think it'd be wise to arrange something like that - if you're quick, you'll spot something is going on.

Then you'll have to quickly sell your chips and move on; 4 months in, it'll hurt but not as bad as 4 more months in and realise she's sleeping behind your back.

R@tman · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:35

ill have to agree here its not looking good

camels5 · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:36

Well its seems a bit odd to me.

Burnsy2023 · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:37

R@tman said:
ill have to agree here its not looking good

As much of an optimist as I usually am, dude, this is not looking good

Burnsy

sativa · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:38

Daniel75 said:
recently she refreshed a communication with her ex......Now she said that shes going to his place for a dinner.

SGWills · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:39

ex's are a funny bunch, im still good friends (yes only friends

) with my ex's, most of them anyway, however i dont do "dinner" over their houses, still do more casual things like going out clubbing (with other people of course) and the shoulder to cry on/word of advice when things go wrong for them.

ask her straight, no harm in asking :rolleyes:

Mr Jones · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:42

SGWills said:
ask her straight, no harm in asking

Yes there is... women have an uncanny skill of turning the situation around and making it like its your fault because you're questioning her and the trust between each other. Along with their skill of guilt, they can do a lot of harm.

yer_averagejoe · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:43

anyone with any experience will tell you that its way better to just sit down and tell her your concerns rather than just leave it. Theres a chance it is inocent, yes. But it does seem odd.

Ben M · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:44

Punch her in the ovaries.

yer_averagejoe · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:44

Dr Jones said:
Yes there is... women have an uncanny skill of turning the situation around and making it like its your fault because you're questioning her and the trust between each other. Along with their skill of guilt, they can do a lot of harm.

this actually has a lot of truth. My perfect girl doesn't do this. Is there such a thing?

Burnsy2023 · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:45

Ben M said:
Punch her in the ovaries.

Ahh, a well thought out post with useful advice. Be a shame to break the habit of a lifetime eh?

Burnsy

Kristoph · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:45

Mate, I live with a girl who split with her ex before she came to uni. She's been seeing one of my mates for a few months on and off - but my mate doesn't realise she still has feelings for her ex - and she's been going over to see her ex for 'dinner' and 'days out'. Then she comes back to uni and starts seeing my mate again - and her ex doesn't have a clue either.

From my view - something definetely isn't right. Why would she want to meet her ex, remember those feelings for ex's don't go away that quickly - and 4 months is a fairly short time. She might still have feelings for him, and I'm sure the ex still has feelings for her.

Don't let this walk you by, fight to stop it if you can. At least if you say something or do something, you won't kick yourself in 1 months time and think 'What if I'd kicked up a fuss, maybe she would have stopped?'.

Unless you say something, it's inevitable their relationship will develop to more than 'friends'. Even if you do something it might not work out.. but at least you tried.

MookJong · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:46

Dr Jones said:
Yes there is... women have an uncanny skill of turning the situation around and making it like its your fault because you're questioning her and the trust between each other. Along with their skill of guilt, they can do a lot of harm.

If you can't voice your concerns without being attacked she's not worth being with anyway.

Scuzi · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:46

It doesn't look good. When she gets in this evening confront her about it. If she doesn't spill the beans, take your belt off and make her talk.

There's no point in letting it eat at you inside, get it out in the open.

M0T · 31 Jan 2008 at 16:46

Tell her that blokes don't invite ex's over for dinner unless they want something other than friendship, make it so that you dont trust him and are worried he might grope her or something. Whatever you do don't make it seem like you don't trust her.

But it does sound bad, by the looks of it shes up for it as much as he is.