Relationship advice

[TW]Fox · 6 Nov 2016 at 16:54

Tosno said:
If you have a good wife/girlfriend that you are happy with there is nothing extra a female 'friend' can bring to the table

This argument taken to its logical conclusion would suggest you have zero friends beyond your partner. Which would be strange.

People generally have friends as well as a partner :confused:

unless you are after her pasty. The problem is many men 'settle' and then try to get something better by making friends with females.

I'm trying hard here not to assume you are simply suggesting that women are only really useful for one thing but you are making it very difficult..

Tosno · 6 Nov 2016 at 16:57

[TW]Fox;30183568 said:
This argument taken to its logical conclusion would suggest you have zero friends beyond your partner. Which would be strange.

People generally have friends as well as a partner

I don't think you should mix friendships with business partners as well. You have friendships with men.

I'm trying hard here not to assume you are simply suggesting that women are only really useful for one thing but you are making it very difficult..

Vice versa, I am against men making fake friendships with women to get their pasty. Should be alpha about your aims.

[TW]Fox · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:00

I meant romantic partner not business partner.

Em3bbs · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:01

I think it's fine to have friends of the opposite sex and I do have them. However I can't really see a situation where I'd be going for a private meal on my own with them. Of course if we happened to be in the same area then we would likely organise something spontaneously, but this is different. In the OP's case what gets me is:

1. Her moods have changed recently.
2. Neil79 has never been invited to meet this guy, either at this meal or previously.
3. The guy is single I presume, which means more than friends is likely on his mind.
4. This girl is dating Neil79.

[TW]Fox · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:03

I'm not referring to Neil79, I'm talking about that link that was posted.

Who knows that the real situation is with the OP, you always get one side and one side only so we'll never really know.

Tosno · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:03

Em3bbs said:
However I can't really see a situation where I'd be going for a private meal on my own with them.

Unless you were planning to cheat.

413x · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:15

Jesus Christ. I can't believe some of the **** in here seriously.

You guys are seriously saying you can't have friends due to their anatomy?

Em3bbs · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:22

413x said:
Jesus Christ. I can't believe some of the **** in here seriously.

You guys are seriously saying you can't have friends due to their anatomy?

I'm certainly not saying that, there are other factors to consider in this case though.

Neil79 · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:30

Thank you everyone for your support and thoughts, I've had a long chat with my girlfriend and thus far things have been sorted out. She swears nothing between them but long term friendship and she swore upon her mothers life who she is close too that they are just friends. We shall see, but I will not push her anymore because I trust her... Just not other men

Kenai · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:31

Neil79 said:
Thank you everyone for your support and thoughts, I've had a long chat with my girlfriend and thus far things have been sorted out. She swears nothing between them but long term friendship and she swore upon her mothers life who she is close too that they are just friends. We shall see, but I will not push her anymore because I trust her... Just not other men

Sounds like you're good to go unless you reckon her old friend is a closet rapist.

hornetstinger · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:32

Neil79 said:
Thank you everyone for your support and thoughts, I've had a long chat with my girlfriend and thus far things have been sorted out. She swears nothing between them but long term friendship and she swore upon her mothers life who she is close too that they are just friends. We shall see, but I will not push her anymore because I trust her... Just not other men

Phone the guy tell him you have every single STD under the sun.

Neil79 · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:33

Kenai said:
Sounds like you're good to go unless you reckon her old friend is a closet rapist.

Agreed, and to those of you who think I did the wrong thing, we never argued and actually we sorted other things out that needed to be sorted. And at the end of the day, that's a good thing

Neil79 · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:34

hornetstinger said:
Phone the guy tell him you have every single STD under the sun.

Neil79 · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:37

Em3bbs said:
2. Neil79 has never been invited to meet this guy, either at this meal or previously.

Oh I've seen him and I was invited over to meet the guy before, seems like a decent bloke. Very unhealthy bloke mind you... However no I was not invited to this meal, although she did tell me this was going to happen

Tosno · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:42

Neil79 said:
Oh I've seen him and I was invited over to meet the guy before, seems like a decent bloke. Very unhealthy bloke mind you... However no I was not invited to this meal, although she did tell me this was going to happen

Everybody always selects a type, like some men always crying why do I always attract crazy women or cheaters, because they select it. You have Aspergers and he is unhealthy with something, some women are attracted to men with problems.

Sega Mega Dave · 6 Nov 2016 at 17:46

So...

He's a decent bloke.
You have been invited in the past to meet him.
She openly told you about this meal.

Yet you felt the need to have a heart to heart over it and got to the point she had to swear on a friends life. With the way you have posted and having to go through all that over her going for a bit of food, you do come across as very clingy and that's not attractive to any woman.

Oh and half the comments on here, I'm pretty sure a few wouldn't know how speak to a woman let alone back up half they say.

Neil79 · 6 Nov 2016 at 18:09

Oh I'm far from clingy, but lets put this on the other foot as a woman eh? How many women would find it ok for a man to go for dinner with another woman, would they be ok with this? I doubt it. At least I spoke instead of bottling it up and allowing my thoughts to go out of control? Furthermore I asked for advice before jumping the gun, even my family members thought this was a bit odd

EDIT Any way no more replies from me, thanks for all the advice guys much appreciated!

holymonk · 6 Nov 2016 at 18:22

Sega Mega Dave said:
So...

He's a decent bloke.
You have been invited in the past to meet him.
She openly told you about this meal.

Yet you felt the need to have a heart to heart over it and got to the point she had to swear on a friends life. With the way you have posted and having to go through all that over her going for a bit of food, you do come across as very clingy and that's not attractive to any woman.

Oh and half the comments on here, I'm pretty sure a few wouldn't know how speak to a woman let alone back up half they say.

Haha ***

Gabbatek · 6 Nov 2016 at 18:46

/thread closed

[FnG]magnolia · 6 Nov 2016 at 20:26

413x said:
Jesus Christ. I can't believe some of the **** in here seriously.

You guys are seriously saying you can't have friends due to their anatomy?

There are a lot of posters who feel exactly that, yes. Some have probably been burned in the past or seen it happen to friends or family and some inform themselves via eye-wateringly delusional sites, e.g. r/MRA on reddit. I could list you, with a fair degree of certainty, 7 posters who fall into one or both camps.

I think that this is one of those things where your experience or experience-by-proxy absolutely determines your view to the extent that the other view is impossible to understand. For example, and to further Fox's and tom_e's point, I would have no problem at all with my wife going out for dinner with a male (or female) friend. I have nothing to worry about so even using the word 'problem' is making it sound something it isn't. I trust my wife, she is a good and honest person, and enjoys spending time with her friends, in the same way that I do with mine.

That isn't 'beta', and it's not 'naiive'. It's an understanding that partners can and should spend time with other people. My wife is not an asset or something to be controlled and limited, and to go back to my earlier point about experience shaping your view, that's where I stand.

If you're unironically using words like alpha, beta, gamma, and white knighting then I can't really see eye to eye with you on this. The logic doesn't stack up, much like my view on it doesn't stack up to people like tosno, robgmun, wildman, em3bbs, Locky, sega man dave, and gabbatek.

And I'm ok with not being in agreement.