Second chances

[Phate]

Hello all,

Through out December/January I was being threatened of a law suit due to a "friend"

I dropped him like a stone and now have nothing to do with him what so ever.

Anyway, he tried to contact me yesturday saying he's sorry for everything that happened and I quote "hope we can still be friends"

I didn't bother replying to the voicemail and I'm not going to nor do I even wish to see his face ever again.

But my question is what are people like with giving people second chances, I mean if they did something really serious like the above would you bother giving it another go as being a friends with them? or would you drop them like a stone and hope never to see them again?

I'm not asking fro advice on what I should do because I've already decided on that, but I'm asking what you guys/girls would do.

Discuss

 

[Phate]

I'm confused to as what he actually did..

That's not the point of the thread.

The question is - say if someone you knew and thought was a good friend did something bad enough for you to question your friendship with the person what would you do?

Give them a second chance of leave em to the dogs?

 

[Phate]

So he offered you a suite for the purposes of law? I'd have been well happy with that, your own private suite is not cheap!

Is it that time of day again?

 

[Phate]

It depends wholly on the circumstances though! You might've stabbed him in the face and that's why he was taking you to court. You see?

Yep - there is no way I can list out all the possible scenario's (sp nazi's eat your heart out)

Say if the guy went behind your back and did something that affected you what would you do? (this isn't what happened to me btw) - for example - started spreading stuff about you and you were the last one to find out?

 

[Phate]

Depends on whether that person had shown consistent value to me in the past (apart from the incident), whether there is something I continue to want from them...

Whether I can see heir vulnerabilities is another factor, and how likely they are to **** themselves up again

Interesting.

Have you been faced with the decision before? get shot of them or give them another chance? what circumstances were involved and what did you do?

 

[Phate]

Pointless thread unless you go into details. Did you make a cup of tea which he didn't like, so he's suing you or did he beat/rape you?

in a way yes it is pointless unless I go into details but I'm wondering what others have done when they have been faced with the same decision regardless of the circumstances, post storys! give one word answers I don't mind!

 

[Phate]

Nothing particularly harsh because I can usually smell BS from a mile off and often require very little from people. I've been drawn in on insecurities a few times - I've been in a few relationship with girls that turned like that and one close relationship with a guy whereby there was a destructive influence.

When I realised the fact that they were being destructive, and my continuing friendship (and possibly support) would have a destructive effect on me, I cut it off.

At the moment I am back on speaking terms with the guy who started getting destructive with me, although we are not 'friends' more acquaintances now. I used to encourage a relationship with him because he was quite good at socialising with groups, which I wasn't. Now I no longer need that kind of mentor, but I know exactly why he feels vulnerable and why he tries to act arrogantly.
Therefore we are not friends although I have no reason to shut him out. He is of no use and I wouldn't allow him to affect me in any way.

So - if you were good at socialising with groups would you of bothered with him at all?

 

[Phate]

Two years ago me and my mates were out in a club and my Girlfriend I had just started seeing for about 3 weeks was going out with all her mates, so we all met up in the Club, and later on she told me a mate of mine had groped her, So I was quite drink and quite wound up that a mate of mine would do that, Anyway we fell out over it. Haven’t spoken to him for over two years, But me and my Girlfriend who I lived with had just split up the beginning of this month. So I got my old mates number off another friend and rang him, We are now on talking terms but it wont ever be the same again. I will never know what went on that night. So he has forgiven me and I have forgiven him.

Interesting story, thanks for sharing.

I don’t know if this helps at all.

Well I'm not asking for help on my situation.

 

[Phate]

It depends upon what they did, unless you tell us any information we give is pointless.

Why is it? I'm wondering what situations others have been in and what they did.

 

[Phate]

Depends what he did,

whats did he do to you?

I aint been in a similar situation, but why haven't you said what happened!

No particular reason...because this thread isn't really about what happened to me it's what others have been through.

 

[Phate]

Becuase if we knew the story we could produce similar situations for you, which would be far more useful.

You said "but I'm asking what you guys/girls would do.", just makes it sound like you're asking what we would've done in your situation.

Ahhhh I see what you mean.

Ok here goes.

I had my car accident in November which my "friend" was a passenger, I was driving, I wrote the car off completely and we both walked away from it.

A week or so after the crash he developed back problems, and had to be signed off work for 3 weeks and have physiotherapy etc.

During his time off his work contract expired and because his company didn't renew it he blamed me, and said he was going to sue me for loss of earnings etc.

So my parents solictor got involved and he got a solictor and before it got to the courts it turns out his company wasn't going to renew his contract anyway as he was rubbish at the job and he was payed for the 3 weeks he was signed off work so it all fell through and he had to front the solicitor charges

So then I was faced with the decision of - do I want to be friends with someone who was willing to take me to court? - the answer was no.

 

[Phate]

I think you are, or you're looking for some influence.

He's looking for feedback so that he can be secure in his judgement or look to reconsider.

Na - both wrong, I've made my decision, and I'm not looking for what people would have done in my situation, my curiosity has just got the better of me and wondered if anyone else has been faced with the same decision and what came of it.

 

[Phate]

Just tell us, it's not as if you'll meet any of us ever. This thread is currently like sex without an orgasm. Give us that orgasm.

Edit - aaahhhhhh!

And as It happens I've met a lot of people from these forums

 

[Phate]

He wasn't taking YOU to court, he would have ended up taking your INSURER to court. It's just a technacility and it would have made absolutely zero difference to you, your insurance, your future driving career or anything if he had won his case.

Although the case in question would have stated he was taking action against you due to your negligence, this is just the way the legal system worked - it would all have been picked up by your insurer and would not have cost you a penny.

No, he was taking me directly to court, not my insurer - he had already made his claim for compensation (and got complete bugger all ) then wanted to take me to court afterwards.

 

[Phate]

curiosity...

My next question is why you don't want to publicly show the idea that you may be uncertain?

Because I'm not uncertain.

 

[Phate]

You're lucky he wants to talk to you again, you could have killed him.

We could have both been killed, both of us were lucky.

 

[Phate]

Were you driving recklessly? Was the accident your fault? Be honest with yourself, if it was, his right to take you to court was pretty fair as he was under the misapprehension that he lost his job due to being off sick. Which, btw, is still possibly the case - what employer would admit to sacking someone because they were ill? If it was genuinely an unavoidable accident then it's a different story.

I wasn't driving recklessly, I was driving outside of my ability.

Plus what accidents are unavoidable? nobody knows when an accident is going to happen.

 

[Phate]

Was the accident your fault?

Yep.

 

[Phate]

And you'd have forwarded the correspondance to your insurer, who would have settled it for you. Thats how it works - he serves against you, you pass it to your insurer, who deals with it and settles it. Your insurer would then either have won or lost in court and dealt with it accordingly.

That I didn't know, but it doesn't matter now.

I do hope you've not lost a friend over a misapprehension of how our legal system works.

I lost a friend because after he claimed compensation and got bugger all he turned into a tard and went after me.

 

[Phate]

It sounds like he had every right to claim for compensation, friend or not.

Which he did.

You should have been a decent enough friend to help him get it.

I wasn't happy with him claiming compensation as I just wanted to forget about that night and he wanted to pursue it, so I did what I had to (forward the letter to the insurer blah blah) and left it that.

He got sod all as the employer had paid him for his time off and wasn't going to renew his contract anyway and was annoyed at it so tried to sue me directly.