Second chances

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:00

Hello all,

Through out December/January I was being threatened of a law suit due to a "friend"

I dropped him like a stone and now have nothing to do with him what so ever.

Anyway, he tried to contact me yesturday saying he's sorry for everything that happened and I quote "hope we can still be friends"

I didn't bother replying to the voicemail and I'm not going to nor do I even wish to see his face ever again.

But my question is what are people like with giving people second chances, I mean if they did something really serious like the above would you bother giving it another go as being a friends with them? or would you drop them like a stone and hope never to see them again?

I'm not asking fro advice on what I should do because I've already decided on that, but I'm asking what you guys/girls would do.

Discuss

Dunks · 28 May 2007 at 14:02

I'm confused to as what he actually did..

basmic · 28 May 2007 at 14:03

I'd be tempted to hear your friend out. But at the same time, I'd be tempted to tell them to go to hell.

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:03

DunK1 said:
I'm confused to as what he actually did..

That's not the point of the thread.

The question is - say if someone you knew and thought was a good friend did something bad enough for you to question your friendship with the person what would you do?

Give them a second chance of leave em to the dogs?

[TW]Fox · 28 May 2007 at 14:06

So he offered you a suite for the purposes of law? I'd have been well happy with that, your own private suite is not cheap!

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:08

[TW]Fox said:
So he offered you a suite for the purposes of law? I'd have been well happy with that, your own private suite is not cheap!

Is it that time of day again?

trojan698 · 28 May 2007 at 14:08

Phate said:
That's not the point of the thread.

The question is - say if someone you knew and thought was a good friend did something bad enough for you to question your friendship with the person what would you do?

Give them a second chance of leave em to the dogs?

It depends wholly on the circumstances though! You might've stabbed him in the face and that's why he was taking you to court. You see?

Burnsy2023 · 28 May 2007 at 14:08

What he did is highly relevant. It all depends on what he did and how much he regrets it.

Burnsy

panthro · 28 May 2007 at 14:10

trojan698 said:
It depends wholly on the circumstances though! You might've stabbed him in the face and that's why he was taking you to court. You see?

Agreed. It depends on the severity of the events.

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:12

trojan698 said:
It depends wholly on the circumstances though! You might've stabbed him in the face and that's why he was taking you to court. You see?

Yep - there is no way I can list out all the possible scenario's (sp nazi's eat your heart out)

Say if the guy went behind your back and did something that affected you what would you do? (this isn't what happened to me btw) - for example - started spreading stuff about you and you were the last one to find out?

cleanbluesky · 28 May 2007 at 14:12

Phate said:
But my question is what are people like with giving people second chances, I mean if they did something really serious like the above would you bother giving it another go as being a friends with them? or would you drop them like a stone and hope never to see them again?

I'm not asking fro advice on what I should do because I've already decided on that, but I'm asking what you guys/girls would do.

Discuss

Depends on whether that person had shown consistent value to me in the past (apart from the incident), whether there is something I continue to want from them...

Whether I can see heir vulnerabilities is another factor, and how likely they are to **** themselves up again

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:16

cleanbluesky said:
Depends on whether that person had shown consistent value to me in the past (apart from the incident), whether there is something I continue to want from them...

Whether I can see heir vulnerabilities is another factor, and how likely they are to **** themselves up again

Interesting.

Have you been faced with the decision before? get shot of them or give them another chance? what circumstances were involved and what did you do?

cleanbluesky · 28 May 2007 at 14:21

Phate said:
Interesting.

Have you been faced with the decision before? get shot of them or give them another chance? what circumstances were involved and what did you do?

Nothing particularly harsh because I can usually smell BS from a mile off and often require very little from people. I've been drawn in on insecurities a few times - I've been in a few relationship with girls that turned like that and one close relationship with a guy whereby there was a destructive influence.

When I realised the fact that they were being destructive, and my continuing friendship (and possibly support) would have a destructive effect on me, I cut it off.

At the moment I am back on speaking terms with the guy who started getting destructive with me, although we are not 'friends' more acquaintances now. I used to encourage a relationship with him because he was quite good at socialising with groups, which I wasn't. Now I no longer need that kind of mentor, but I know exactly why he feels vulnerable and why he tries to act arrogantly.
Therefore we are not friends although I have no reason to shut him out. He is of no use and I wouldn't allow him to affect me in any way.

Dunks · 28 May 2007 at 14:21

Phate said:
Say if the guy went behind your back and did something that affected you what would you do? (this isn't what happened to me btw) - for example - started spreading stuff about you and you were the last one to find out?

Depends on what it was really.

trojan698 · 28 May 2007 at 14:21

Phate said:
Yep - there is no way I can list out all the possible scenario's (sp nazi's eat your heart out)

Say if the guy went behind your back and did something that affected you what would you do? (this isn't what happened to me btw) - for example - started spreading stuff about you and you were the last one to find out?

Can't really answer that as it depends, again, on what hypothetically happened.

squiffy · 28 May 2007 at 14:25

Pointless thread unless you go into details. Did you make a cup of tea which he didn't like, so he's suing you or did he beat/rape you? :confused:

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:28

squiffy said:
Pointless thread unless you go into details. Did you make a cup of tea which he didn't like, so he's suing you or did he beat/rape you?

in a way yes it is pointless unless I go into details but I'm wondering what others have done when they have been faced with the same decision regardless of the circumstances, post storys! give one word answers I don't mind!

Lew · 28 May 2007 at 14:29

Two years ago me and my mates were out in a club and my Girlfriend I had just started seeing for about 3 weeks was going out with all her mates, so we all met up in the Club, and later on she told me a mate of mine had groped her, So I was quite drink and quite wound up that a mate of mine would do that, Anyway we fell out over it. Haven’t spoken to him for over two years, But me and my Girlfriend who I lived with had just split up the beginning of this month. So I got my old mates number off another friend and rang him, We are now on talking terms but it wont ever be the same again. I will never know what went on that night. So he has forgiven me and I have forgiven him. I don’t know if this helps at all.

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:29

cleanbluesky said:
Nothing particularly harsh because I can usually smell BS from a mile off and often require very little from people. I've been drawn in on insecurities a few times - I've been in a few relationship with girls that turned like that and one close relationship with a guy whereby there was a destructive influence.

When I realised the fact that they were being destructive, and my continuing friendship (and possibly support) would have a destructive effect on me, I cut it off.

At the moment I am back on speaking terms with the guy who started getting destructive with me, although we are not 'friends' more acquaintances now. I used to encourage a relationship with him because he was quite good at socialising with groups, which I wasn't. Now I no longer need that kind of mentor, but I know exactly why he feels vulnerable and why he tries to act arrogantly.
Therefore we are not friends although I have no reason to shut him out. He is of no use and I wouldn't allow him to affect me in any way.

So - if you were good at socialising with groups would you of bothered with him at all?

Phate · 28 May 2007 at 14:31

Lew said:
Two years ago me and my mates were out in a club and my Girlfriend I had just started seeing for about 3 weeks was going out with all her mates, so we all met up in the Club, and later on she told me a mate of mine had groped her, So I was quite drink and quite wound up that a mate of mine would do that, Anyway we fell out over it. Haven’t spoken to him for over two years, But me and my Girlfriend who I lived with had just split up the beginning of this month. So I got my old mates number off another friend and rang him, We are now on talking terms but it wont ever be the same again. I will never know what went on that night. So he has forgiven me and I have forgiven him.

Interesting story, thanks for sharing.

I don’t know if this helps at all.

Well I'm not asking for help on my situation.