Shared Parenting

Gabbatek

Gabbatek

Gabbatek

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Norwich
Hey guys, just wondering if there's anyone on here who has shared custody for their kids.


Do you have them every weekend or every other weekend or what?


I feel lucky that i have my girl every weekend, but it really doesn't leave much for a social life.....

Im curious as to how you handle it
 
When I was younger i would see my Dad one weekend a month.

My mums new partner has his little boy every other weekend and every monday and wednesday i think
 
Entirely depends on their age.

If one is getting to see their three year old every other weekend I cannot see that being fair. If that is all they want then they have pretty much failed their responsibilities.
 
Gabbatek said:
Hey guys, just wondering if there's anyone on here who has shared custody for their kids.


Do you have them every weekend or every other weekend or what?


I feel lucky that i have my girl every weekend, but it really doesn't leave much for a social life.....

Im curious as to how you handle it
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I'm confused - are you stating that you don't have your child enough or that you have them too much?

How much of a social life would you have if you and your wife were still together and you had your child all the time?

What's wrong with the other 5 days of the week to use for "socialising"?
 
Every weekend - Fri Night > Sun Night Week 1 - Sat Night > Sun Night Week 2. Week to 10 days summer holiday each year, week holiday at new year each year. Usually an extra couple of night in school holidays too if I can get time off work.

For me it's not enough and hard not seeing her more, but it's very difficult with travel distance (it's around 40 miles & 50 mins each way so doing that journey 4 times a week already) to make it practical (and financially possible) to do any more.

In terms of social life - Me and my GF occasionally get to do something together (I am step dad to her two) and do our own things as and when, but to be honest I don't pay it a second thought unless its a time I know that there will an opportunity - Even before my current GF when it was just me alone my priority was having my daughter - I think there has been a few occasions where I've asked for a swap of a Saturday to do something special but always make sure I get that time back - proper friends understand that kids come first and you cant get back the growing up years once they are gone - I really couldn't have given two hoots about doing something that didn't involve having her. Besides, you get to do much more cool stuff when it's with kids because it gives you excuses to do fun stuff you would get looked at weirdly if you had no kids with you.
 
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amigafan2003 said:
I'm confused - are you stating that you don't have your child enough or that you have them too much?

How much of a social life would you have if you and your wife were still together and you had your child all the time?

What's wrong with the other 5 days of the week to use for "socialising"?
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I can never have her too much!

I work 12-8pm mon-friday which is awesome
 
BDEE said:
Every weekend - Fri Night > Sun Night Week 1 - Sat Night > Sun Night Week 2. Week to 10 days summer holiday each year, week holiday at new year each year. Usually an extra couple of night in school holidays too if I can get time off work.

For me it's not enough and hard not seeing her more, but it's very difficult with travel distance (it's around 40 miles & 50 mins each way so doing that journey 4 times a week already) to make it practical (and financially possible) to do any more.

In terms of social life - Me and my GF occasionally get to do something together (I am step dad to her two) and do our own things as and when, but to be honest I don't pay it a second thought unless its a time I know that there will an opportunity - Even before my current GF when it was just me alone my priority was having my daughter - I think there has been a few occasions where I've asked for a swap of a Saturday to do something special but always make sure I get that time back - proper friends understand that kids come first and you cant get back the growing up years once they are gone - I really couldn't have given two hoots about doing something that didn't involve having her. Besides, you get to do much more cool stuff when it's with kids because it gives you excuses to do fun stuff you would get looked at weirdly if you had no kids with you.
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thats exactly like me, same travel distance etc except her mother is complex and caution is advised :D
 
BDEE said:
Every weekend - Fri Night > Sun Night Week 1 - Sat Night > Sun Night Week 2. Week to 10 days summer holiday each year, week holiday at new year each year. Usually an extra couple of night in school holidays too if I can get time off work.

For me it's not enough and hard not seeing her more, but it's very difficult with travel distance (it's around 40 miles & 50 mins each way so doing that journey 4 times a week already) to make it practical (and financially possible) to do any more.

In terms of social life - Me and my GF occasionally get to do something together (I am step dad to her two) and do our own things as and when, but to be honest I don't pay it a second thought unless its a time I know that there will an opportunity - Even before my current GF when it was just me alone my priority was having my daughter - I think there has been a few occasions where I've asked for a swap of a Saturday to do something special but always make sure I get that time back - proper friends understand that kids come first and you cant get back the growing up years once they are gone - I really couldn't have given two hoots about doing something that didn't involve having her. Besides, you get to do much more cool stuff when it's with kids because it gives you excuses to do fun stuff you would get looked at weirdly if you had no kids with you.
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Lol! Just made me think of this.

One little swearie so be advised! It is funny.
 
Gabbatek said:
Hey guys, just wondering if there's anyone on here who has shared custody for their kids.


Do you have them every weekend or every other weekend or what?


I feel lucky that i have my girl every weekend, but it really doesn't leave much for a social life.....

Im curious as to how you handle it
Click to expand...

I grew up seeing my dad every other weekend, and tbh as a child I wanted to see him more. However I've recently been seeing a girl with a 5 year old who sees his father every weekend like yourself and as an outsider I've come to realise that she misses out on doing he fun things he does with his dad. He has anything he could possibly want but a few things he's said recently makes it seem he associates his dad with days out and fun, and she's the one getting him up for school and homework lacking the time to be able to have "fun". His dad really doesn't want to give up any weekends which does upset her a bit.

Social lives aside, I think children should be able to spend time with both parents at weekends even if it's not an even split simply so they can have quality (fun) times with both parents.
 
I have shared custody of my two boys but I only get to see them once a month as they're on the other side of the country and I currently don't drive:(

Although I do get all vacations/holidays/half terms with them, but my intention is to see them twice a month once I get my license back. My ex and I are on v good terms so I know its not a problem. Although the poor wee buggers did have to live me exclusively for about 9 months which was great fun but knackering as a single parent!
 
Gabbatek said:
Hey guys, just wondering if there's anyone on here who has shared custody for their kids.


Do you have them every weekend or every other weekend or what?


I feel lucky that i have my girl every weekend, but it really doesn't leave much for a social life.....

Im curious as to how you handle it
Click to expand...



You have Monday-Friday for social life. The child always comes first.
 
I'm not on very good terms with the ex, she uses the kids as weapons to hurt me so I've had to fight long and hard through courts to get where I am now.

Basically I pick my kids up from School on a Friday and take them back Monday morning on the first and third weekends of each month. On the alternate weekends I have them Saturday 11am till 6pm. During school holidays I get them 50% of the time mainly the latter half of the week or during summer on a week on week off basis and I also get them 50% of the time on Christmas etc. Its fairly rigid but for us its better that way as the ex messes things about.

Yeah it can intefere with work and social life but they're needs come first as I'm sure you are well aware. If things are good with your ex maybe try and arrange something more flexible like you get one weekend off a month but have the kids over night during the week for school or something?
 
I'm on ok terms with the ex, I get my daughter wednesday evening and all weekend. As mentioned it does pretty much tie up the weekend, but me and my daughter just find stuff we can both do, and with her only being 4 if I have to sort the house etc she sits and watches her TV shows via Plex, Paw Patrol being the fav at the moment..

I take her to parks, shopping with me, cinema in sunday mornings, swimming and even go to out for lunches etc with her, so I still get out and about but the most important thing is I get to see her.

My daughter has from the arrangement two homes. She has a fully fitted out pink bedroom with her own bed, toy area and I have all I need to take care of her during the weekends, ex has her when she is at pre school during the week, and I get one evening a week.

It works out well, and I am now so into the routine of her coming to me at the weekends if my ex removed this access I'd be banging on court doors for access, as I pay a fair maintenance and there is no reason to withhold access.

But i now some women do use the kids as a weapon - very unfair. Cause I know there are some dads who couldn't care less about their child, which is again unfair.

Also, I have also swapped weekends for weekdays if i'm off work to give the ex a weekend with my daughter so it equals out a little. as mentioned above, weekends is more fun time, and thats important. So we do share as much as we can.
 
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Thanks guys for the input.

i wish i could have her during the week, but i finish work at 8pm, sometimes later depending how busy the hospital is and by the time i would have got to her it would be far too late.

I feel quite happy that i have her every weekend :)

one thing that i'm a bit lost on, how am i ever going to meet someone else when i am always so busy
 
Gabbatek said:
one thing that i'm a bit lost on, how am i ever going to meet someone else when i am always so busy
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If can manage to meet someone and have a relationship, you can.

Context, single dad, three children at home ages 6-16, one at university, their mum is not capable of even seeing the youngest unsupervised, if at all, she has not seen the youngest two since early September.
 
Gabbatek said:
Thanks guys for the input.

i wish i could have her during the week, but i finish work at 8pm, sometimes later depending how busy the hospital is and by the time i would have got to her it would be far too late.

I feel quite happy that i have her every weekend :)

one thing that i'm a bit lost on, how am i ever going to meet someone else when i am always so busy
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You will just have to balance but it won't be easy and you and your child’s time is way more important than finding someone else.

I've been a single parent for the last two years now. Me and my ex broke up a week after my birthday in December, so it’s getting very close to two years, and whilst I do sometimes wish I had someone in my life, I soon realise that my daughter is all I need right now.

Cause, this doesn't mean you use your kids as a way to compensate for a lack of an adult partner - your children are more then this, but they can and will provide you years of expense (lol), enjoyment and happiness if you just don't worry about meeting anyone else and over the years you might just find someone naturally.

Just look forward to each weekend, go out with your daughter and be a big part of her life as she grows, develops and keeps that bond with you. And in the meantime, if you meet someone then brilliant, but this person will have to remember your daughter comes first. Just the way it is.

I'd never take a woman over my daughter, and any woman that expects me to put her over my daughter will be shown the door very quickly.
 
I have my two kids 12 and 16 years old for one week and then with their mum for one week, Sundy to Sunday. Been that way since we slpit 4 years ago.

Works out realy well and i wouldnt have it any other way.
 
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