Should I send an apology?

Metatron · 11 Feb 2011 at 06:04

I have wronged a person, but I am unsure whether I should send an apology because I have not been in their life for many years and I know they don't want to hear from me again.

What do you think I should do? I want to make up, but I want to respect their wish of not being in their life.

Thanks.

smit101 · 11 Feb 2011 at 06:08

If they don't want you in their life then **** 'em! They're dead!

EdwardTeach · 11 Feb 2011 at 06:10

Exactly what did you do?

[FnG]magnolia · 11 Feb 2011 at 06:25

They don't want to hear from you. Don't try to make yourself feel better by saying something they don't want to hear.

e : I assumed this was a break up over a girl/guy. If not, disregard my advice.

Toxic Babyface · 11 Feb 2011 at 06:46

It's hard to say really. Some times, these things are best left alone. Depends who it is really. Is it family?

Also depends on what that person is like. Are they the forgiving type? Or when they say something, they mean it/stick by it?

Metatron · 11 Feb 2011 at 07:01

[FnG]magnolia;18441448 said:
They don't want to hear from you. Don't try to make yourself feel better by saying something they don't want to hear.

e : I assumed this was a break up over a girl/guy. If not, disregard my advice.

I think you're right.

freak2002 · 11 Feb 2011 at 07:34

Hand write a letter, that way it is in their hands. If they respond - Win. If not then call it a day.

eatcustard · 11 Feb 2011 at 07:42

forget and move on

R0B75 · 11 Feb 2011 at 07:43

I suppose it depends what you've done. If you've murdered or raped someone an apology isn't going to cut it

Seriously though, if you feel you should apologise then do it. Atleast you will know you have done it instead of wondering whether you should or not. Something along the lines of "I wish to apologise for (insert what you did), I know it was wrong and I realise that now. I don't exepct you to forgive my actions so for what it is worth I am very, very sorry. I will of course resepect your wishes and refrain from further contact."

Simple.

arknor · 11 Feb 2011 at 07:58

i bet he broke up someones relationship by sleeping with someones partner !!!

now he wants to send an apology to make him self feel better!

Cosimo · 11 Feb 2011 at 07:59

If it’s going to bug you for the rest of your life then drop them a note otherwise move on.

arknor · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:02

simulatorman said:
If it’s going to bug you for the rest of your life then drop them a note otherwise move on.

pfft if its only to make himself feel better he shouldnt do it the other party will have moved on and probably not care.

unless its family he shouldnt bother

Edrof · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:05

I would say to write them a letter. It will be cathartic for you and help to scrub away an incident you will always remember with regret. It might just just help close their wounds, too. You need to approach it correctly, though: write a short, simple letter about how you deeply regret the choices you made in teh past and that the person you wronged didn't deserve how you treated them. Say you are older now and can see the hurt you caused, and that you hope they are happy in their life now.

Always allude to the fact that you take full responsibility for the badness, and that they don't have to get into contact with you. Don't make it look like an exercise to assuage your guilt or you'll look like an even bigger numpty.

Clum · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:17

Leave it alone. Sounds like you want to apologise after all this time to ease your own conscience, not make them feel better.

Vonhelmet · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:35

Who are they in relation to you and what did you do?

I say write the letter if it'll bring you peace of mind.

Sin_Chase · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:39

Have been in a similar situation once before, pretty messy overall and a complete well..mess. Was nasty.

I ended up throwing them a letter, but it was more to set the record straight than any tactic to make myself fell better about it, was over 18 months later.

Speak to said person now and have a pretty decent relationship you would have at, and after the incident never thought possible.

Davey_Pitch · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:40

Forde said:
I would say to write them a letter. It will be cathartic for you and help to scrub away an incident you will always remember with regret. It might just just help close their wounds, too. You need to approach it correctly, though: write a short, simple letter about how you deeply regret the choices you made in teh past and that the person you wronged didn't deserve how you treated them. Say you are older now and can see the hurt you caused, and that you hope they are happy in their life now.

Always allude to the fact that you take full responsibility for the badness, and that they don't have to get into contact with you. Don't make it look like an exercise to assuage your guilt or you'll look like an even bigger numpty.

This. They can treat the letter however they want, they can rip it to bits, burn it, whatever, but they have the option of getting your apology without having to see or speak to you directly. You put the ball in their court and stay away yourself.

arknor · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:45

vonhelmet said:
Who are they in relation to you and what did you do?

I say write the letter if it'll bring you peace of mind.

we dont know if he deserves peace of mind... its called guilt for a reason and if he did something bad he should live with the consequences and the guilt

Metatron · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:46

It was a girlfriend and I think what I did was actually not as bad as I've made it out in my mind. She probably doesn't even care.

Thanks for the advice.

(I have anxiety problems and I tend to think I've done things wrong all the time when I haven't)

Toxic Babyface · 11 Feb 2011 at 08:53

I think you need to move on from this mate. It will soon be out of your mind. Just get out and enjoy yourself some more

She probably has not thought about you once since you last spoke. I notice that girls seem to be able to move on a lot quicker than most of us guys. Or is this just me :confused: