Sneaky passive questions

Tom0

Tom0

Tom0

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Joined
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I would like to gauge if anyone else notices/gets annoyed by this or if it is a personal issue..

An Example:

A few weeks ago I was tidying up my faciers on a set of ladders. Some of the neighbours pass by. Pleasantries etc.

This morning one of the passing by neighbours approaches me, "Have you got a set of ladders?"

Now usually I would let it go and just say yes and carry on but this has been getting on my nerves as a day to day thing. Not him asking to borrow things but the way people ask questions.

This time I say no just to be a arse.

He replies "I saw you up a set the other week doing your gutters?"

THEN WHY ******* ASK THEN.

He can see into my garden, he can see I have a set chained up to my back wall

"Can I borrow your ladders mate?" would have been fine.

Why do people do this? Do they think I would be offended by a direct question? Do they assume I'd judge them for asking to borrow an uncommon item or for whatever favour they'd like?

Is it just me or is there more of a culture a norm to attempt a segue question before asking the real question these days?

It feels very condescending.
 
Tom0 said:
Why do people do this? Do they think I would be offended by a direct question? Do they assume I'd judge them for asking to borrow an uncommon item?
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It's to guilt you into a yes to the real question.

Can I borrow your ladder? Can be met with any number of swift deflections.

Catch someone off guard by asking if they have it first and after they say yes, social awkwardness forces them to say yes when you ask to borrow it, because only a complete knob would say 'yes I have it, no you can't borrow it'.

They're relying on you being too embarrassed at the second stage to say no or quickly think of an excuse that can fit why you have something but won't give it to them.

It's just basic manipulation.
 
yep it is the norm and being direct would be better, but yep you were a bit of an arse in your response as well:p
 
niko said:
yep it is the norm and being direct would be better, but yep you were a bit of an arse in your response as well:p
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I'm tired of being made to feel like an arse so I say yes before I decide wether or not I would like to comply.

If I was asked directly I would be less begrudged if I were willing.

grr Humuhns. :mad::mad::mad:

:p
 
I would imagine the line is to avoid looking like he's nosey. He may have though that by saying "I'd like to borrow your ladders", you'd think he was keeping tabs on your affairs as to know what stuff you've got.

Which yes is a little daft considering he saw you up a ladder, but this is Great Britain after all where direct lines of questioning are often not the order of the day.
 
maccapacca said:
Is that what passes as conversation in south Wales these days? A day to day thing?
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It is better than "a baa baa here and a baa baa there."

Although, you live in Sussex. I imagine a conversation in English is a rare thing.
 
You:

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Him:

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I would watch this film.
 
Things have gone that way. And when people want something back but haven't the guts to ask, they post in social media pretending to have forgotten who borrowed it.
 
I've heard some people say it's a 'yes ladder'.

"Have you got any ladders?" - they know you do
"Are you using them?" - they can see you're not
"Can I borrow them?" - the first two yes answers make the answer to this question more likely to be yes

Some people have other techniques though, they might not even ask the second and third questions, instead they'll say "Only I need a set to do X" - hoping that you offer them. That way they can completely avoid asking for them.

Similar questions are used as directions. I was listening to a podcast the other day and the guy said when he moved into his last flat and hadn't fully unpacked his boxes in the hallway yet his flatmate said "Have you given any thought to what you might want to do about those boxes?"

Is a more roundabout way of saying "move those boxes" even possible? He brought it up, but strictly speaking didn't give a direction or ask him to move them, he only asked if he'd though about it.

I think this stuff is mostly unconscious patterns of behaviour though, nothing really malicious, just effective.
 
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