Sneaky passive questions

Your neighbour was trying to be polite by not being too direct. It's a little frustrating perhaps, but it's often how people approach a situation if asking for a favour.

Then you throw a conversational spanner in the works by telling an obvious lie and being an arse (by your own admission). So how is your neighbour supposed to respond now, knowing full well you're lying? It's become awkward.

So he makes you feel uncomfortable by pointing out your're lying. Now he's being an arse too. Even if you relent and lend the ladders, both of you are now feeling like an arse. Congratulations.

Best response to the original question is "yes, why?" then it puts the ball back in their court and forces a direct request which you can either accept or refuse. If you wish to refuse (the real crux of this?) you might think you're being an arse by refusing a direct request, but most people will accept this much more happily than being clearly lied to.
 
Simon said:
Maybe you were borrowing a friends set of ladders
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If they weren't easily visible, I'd expect something like what was asked incase you had borrowed some yourself. But its the standard non-direct way everything seems to be done now.
 
Wow, how petty is the OP?

Do you really have nothing worthwhile to get upset about? Just lend your neighbour the bloomin' ladder and don't be such an arse about it!
 
Mr Jack said:
Wow, how petty is the OP?

Do you really have nothing worthwhile to get upset about? Just lend your neighbour the bloomin' ladder and don't be such an arse about it!
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Yeah, its not really about the ladder. That was just an example.

Thanks for contributing though. :)
 
arctine said:
Can't believe people have time to worry about this. Pathetic.
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I don't worry about it, it is just something I've noticed becoming a more common occurrence. People being condescending, I notice you've skipped the irony with your reply.

It's okay though, I like it that you hate me for creating content. Go back to the This instant & moment thread. Fly as quick as you can so you can post without thinking again!
 
puppetworx said:
I've heard some people say it's a 'yes ladder'.

"Have you got any ladders?" - they know you do
"Are you using them?" - they can see you're not
"Can I borrow them?" - the first two yes answers make the answer to this question more likely to be yes

Some people have other techniques though, they might not even ask the second and third questions, instead they'll say "Only I need a set to do X" - hoping that you offer them. That way they can completely avoid asking for them.

Similar questions are used as directions. I was listening to a podcast the other day and the guy said when he moved into his last flat and hadn't fully unpacked his boxes in the hallway yet his flatmate said "Have you given any thought to what you might want to do about those boxes?"

Is a more roundabout way of saying "move those boxes" even possible? He brought it up, but strictly speaking didn't give a direction or ask him to move them, he only asked if he'd though about it.

I think this stuff is mostly unconscious patterns of behaviour though, nothing really malicious, just effective.
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Interesting, I've just read up on a bit of that.

It makes sense but it seems very purposeful to what my original point was. You would only use those techniques to con someone or just hype them up if you practiced them with certain intentions.

My point was more people do it without thinking. It is as if they believe they are entitled to share, borrow or use what you have and they question you for it in that very fashion. It is not that they're purposely trying to scam it off you.

I don't know maybe it is just one of those things where it is me that has noticed more. All I wanted to know really.
 
Ryan-3 said:
If they weren't easily visible, I'd expect something like what was asked incase you had borrowed some yourself. But its the standard non-direct way everything seems to be done now.
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When I ask friends for tools to borrow I tend to ask them if they have one first.
 
It winds me up to some extent too so I just be 100% blunt or call their hand and say straightout what I think they are angling towards. Some people will be too embarrassed to then accept.
People are bloody weird sometimes.
 
Unless you are particularly familiar with your neighbour no he shouldn't be asking to borrow things of yours.

It's basically somebody assuming familiarity with you, purely to satisfy their own needs. A user in other words.

What you should have said was

Q: "Have you got a set of ladders?"

A: "Yes, I bought them with a good discount online, I can give you the site if you like"

Then he looks like a cheapskate pillock when he asks to borrow them.
 
What you should have said is

Yes I do, I'm getting ladders in my tights all the time atm, do you want to come in and help me change them big boy? Wink.
 
I do this, never thought people found it that annoying? I just thinking marching upto someone and asking to borrow something is a bit... rude?
 
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