So Its happenened - wife left me.

MeatLoaf said:
Shes rung me this afternoon and given me a glimmer of hope but i think maybe its a bit more rope to hang myself ( not literally! ).

Basically now she says she dosent know what she wants to do. Maybe shes been doing some thinking. I beren thinking as well about why she mite not be happy. Ive tried to make a list of my bad points. This is what i got so far.

1. I dont do all of the housework - but i cook, do a bit of work from home and i takje and fetch the kids from school so she dosent have to walk a long way being pregnant and i also do the shopping and take care of all the bills.

2. Money is tight, so i cant always afford to give her £30 to out on the town. I do stop her going out with her mate as its the sister of the guy she slpt with. Ive no problem with her going wioth others but she only wants to go with this one mate.

3. I have to have the TV on quite loud a sim partially deaf in one ear - she thinks i do it on purpose.

4. Sometimes i shout at the kids a lot, but only when there naughty. This often auses arguments.

5. She moans that i go out once a week. I go out to singing compos. And i often win, so its not like i come home empty handed all the time. I only take a tenner out with me.

6. She says im pestering for sex. Well im sorry but i dont think once a week is too much to ask, even if she cant manage fullon sex theres loads of other things she can do.

So thtas it - would you end a marriage for the above reasons?
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Honestly yes i would end it as hard as it may be. But why the hell are you drawing up your bad points?, to me thats sounds like your giving her more ammo in which to leave u. She could use this later on, if say she came back to u and wanted to leave u next time etc. Never ever give a woman a list of your bad points, has she given u a list of her bad points??. What are you going to do with this list??, give it to her and say...here you are darling...heres all my bad points.
First of all marriage is based on give and take...you learn to live with each others bad points and make compromises etc. From where im standing and looking, it dont seem like shes willing to compromise her behaviour for you whereas your wanting to change for her by making a list of your bad points. That itself is a recipe for disaster, unless you feel you need to change but do it for yourself and not for her.

Seriously based on what i have heard, this is nothing but a disaster for you and she will keep on hurting you and will use the kids as ammo as well. Which is a situation you do not want to get into seriously. If i was you i would be more concentrated on getting your kids to see u on a more regular basis, forget her..she aint worth it. It wont be easy but in time it will get easier trust me on this one.

Good luck in everything u do mate:)
 
I just noticed your location fellow Stokie (Captain Observant, me), drop me an email if you fancy some company and a chat.
 
RE: the debts, I split up with my ex wife a few years ago, and even though they are in your name, she is liable for half.

I had the opposite, house was in my name solely, bought before we were wed, but she was still entitled to her share.

I feel for you, it's not nice at all.

Things do get better though, might not seem like it at the time, but they will.
 
Dude,

If you do try to sort it out, I would seriously consider a councillor - it will help you both iron out any issues between yourselves.

Personally though, I would continue with the seperation, as she has messed you around, and it can't be emotionally easy for you or your kids. I believe in 3 strikes and you're out.

Have you tried a trial seperation before? Give you both time to reflect...
 
MeatLoaf said:
So thtas it - would you end a marriage for the above reasons?
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Yes, because she's obviously not in love with you any more. I can see it, and just about everyone else here can see it. It's just a shame for you that you can't, and there's no point starting these threads if you're going to seek sympathy and advice and then just going to shoot yourself in the foot repeatedly. She is giving off every sign of being through with you, she's cheated, you don't make love any more, she finds reason to fall out with you over the most ridiculous things and with the most feeble excuses.

I'll lay it down to you as I see it. You annoy her, you irritate her because she doesn't feel the love for you any more and so all of your little niggly bad points that lovers accept are no longer acceptable. She knows that you can wrap you round her little finger if she needs a fall-back and she holds all of the emotional cards.

You deserve better yet I can't see you ever getting it if you treat yourself like this.
 
Richdog said:
Yes, because she's obviously not in love with you any more. I can see it, and just about everyone else here can see it. It's just a shame for you that you can't, and there's no point starting these threads if you're going to seek sympathy and advice and then just going to shoot yourself in the foot repeatedly. She is giving off every sign of being through with you, she's cheated, you don't make love any more, she finds reason to fall out with you over the most ridiculous things and with the most feeble excuses.

I'll lay it down to you as I see it. You annoy her, you irritate her because she doesn't feel the love for you any more and so all of your little niggly bad points that lovers accept are no longer acceptable. She knows that you can wrap you round her little finger if she needs a fall-back and she holds all of the emotional cards.

You deserve better yet I can't see you ever getting it if you treat yourself like this.
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It may be harsh but what he says is bang on, she doesn't love you anymore, just walk away as you are only going to do yourself more damage, it would appear that you have tried (damn hard) to make it work, but it doesn't.

I'm sorry to say it but if you let her back then you are a fool, as the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, Shame on me" It isn't going to work, if she comes back she is just taking you for a ride. I say ******** to her, when she arives on Friday to get her stuff have it waiting for her in the hall, all packed, just get her out of your life. She may be the mother of your kids, but that doesn't mean you have to let her **** you over again, and again and again.
 
I'm gigging at a Biker Rally at Bignall End Cricket Club on Saturday (not far from Spie), so if you fancy me picking you up, sharing the evening with about 400 greasy bikers, loud rock music and getting totally ****** then email me. We can also talk about getting you on the road and I would gladly lend you a spare Studiomaster 700 watt mixer amp I have. I can also put you in touch with a guy who has a million backing tracks. £500 prize money would get you a decent pair of speakers (for starters) and you'd only need an MP3 player to play your backing tracks.

No swearing please.

Gilly.
 
Spud21 said:
It may be harsh but what he says is bang on, she doesn't love you anymore, just walk away as you are only going to do yourself more damage, it would appear that you have tried (damn hard) to make it work, but it doesn't.

I'm sorry to say it but if you let her back then you are a fool, as the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, Shame on me" It isn't going to work, if she comes back she is just taking you for a ride. I say ******** to her, when she arives on Friday to get her stuff have it waiting for her in the hall, all packed, just get her out of your life. She may be the mother of your kids, but that doesn't mean you have to let her **** you over again, and again and again.
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I do actually agree with what everyone says, and im getting stronger. Ive got a house i can be proud of and im surein time id be able to meet someone else, i just need to build up my self confidence a lot.

dmpoole and treefrog - more mate is deffo what i need 0 thank you :)
 
MeatLoaf said:
I do actually agree with what everyone says, and im getting stronger. Ive got a house i can be proud of and im surein time id be able to meet someone else, i just need to build up my self confidence a lot.

dmpoole and treefrog - more mate is deffo what i need 0 thank you :)
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Exactly, just give it time and realise that you are not a lemon because you were dumped, in time you, like i did when my ex dumped me (nowhere near as serious as you and your wife, but we went through one hell of a lot in a short space of time) will realise that it just wasnt right, it just didn't work. Not your fault but it's just the way of the world.
 
MeatLoaf said:
I do actually agree with what everyone says, and im getting stronger. Ive got a house i can be proud of and im surein time id be able to meet someone else, i just need to build up my self confidence a lot.

dmpoole and treefrog - more mate is deffo what i need 0 thank you :)
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Take dm up on his offer and go to the bike rally on Saturday - you're 99% certain of a good time. Just getting out from the same four walls will probably be a damn good thing.

I'm near Tunstall btw, whereabouts are you?
 
Well ive read the whole thread, and while i have practically zero experiance on the relationship side of things, it does very much sound like shes just messing you around, if shes left you twice before, then its gonna keep happening and its just going to hurt more and more each time.

I cant really add any more to whats already been said, but go out with dmpoole, have a good time and for the one night, take your mind off all your worries.

My sympathies to you, keep us updated, and i hope everything works out for the best :)
 
Treefrog said:
Take dm up on his offer and go to the bike rally on Saturday - you're 99% certain of a good time. Just getting out from the same four walls will probably be a damn good thing.

I'm near Tunstall btw, whereabouts are you?
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Im in longton mate.
 
In response to the OP, this is exactly where i dont wanna get invole (as in other than sexual) with a woman. This is my phobia, i dont htink i can face up to hence my stance towards women is purely sexual, friendship but no commitment.

OP, I feel your pain. Hope you reach some sort of compromise...i honestly dont know what to say.
 
Bernard said:
RE: the debts, I split up with my ex wife a few years ago, and even though they are in your name, she is liable for half.

I had the opposite, house was in my name solely, bought before we were wed, but she was still entitled to her share.
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Rarely works the other way though.
 
Well were rapidly approaching judgement day. Im still spontaneously bursting into tears and im missing them all like crazy.

She has said she will only decide to stay ifshes 100% certain that itis what she wants.

Ive still not spent more than an hour alone in the house ( apart from when im asleep)

Ive got everything crossed but if she does take her stuff then ive got to be strong and say thats it, defffo the end.

Is she stays then i need to work at making it work, well we both do really.
 
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