Strategies for bringing up children

jsmoke · 24 Apr 2015 at 11:01

How much do you parents think about this. Are you hard/strict on your kids, do you push them for academic excellence, creating a hard working competitive spirit or are you more laid back and let them go with the flow.

Do you consciously keep your kids away from other kids you think may be a bad influence or are you more relaxed about this. Are you a paranoid parent or a confident one.

This will depend on your own experiences in life of course, your own world view , disposition, economic situation and where you live.

cheesyboy · 24 Apr 2015 at 11:18

As far as possible, we encourage independence, confidence, and promotion of hard work with ours.

That means, allowing them to find their own path, to do things themselves and not baby them more than they need, not overloading them with worries, and praising effort rather than results.

Who knows if we're doing a good job - early signs are positive with our eldest (age 5), who's flying at school and happy and creative at home (although a little excitable), but parenting is a bit of a mysterious science where you don't really know how you're doing until 20 years down the line. You just try to mix up the best ingredients and hope it turns out tasty.

eatcustard · 24 Apr 2015 at 11:47

cheesyboy said:
As far as possible, we encourage independence, confidence, and promotion of hard work with ours.

That means, allowing them to find their own path, to do things themselves and not baby them more than they need, not overloading them with worries, and praising effort rather than results.

Who knows if we're doing a good job - early signs are positive with our eldest (age 5), who's flying at school and happy and creative at home (although a little excitable), but parenting is a bit of a mysterious science where you don't really know how you're doing until 20 years down the line. You just try to mix up the best ingredients and hope it turns out tasty.

Same as this

d_brennen · 24 Apr 2015 at 11:53

Worst thing you can do - take people's advice at face value.

Everyone's child is different and will have different needs day to day.

booyaka · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:05

cheesyboy said:
As far as possible, we encourage independence, confidence, and promotion of hard work with ours.

That means, allowing them to find their own path, to do things themselves and not baby them more than they need, not overloading them with worries, and praising effort rather than results.

well said - I would agree here.

joelk2 · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:14

i agree with the above, theres no wrong or right way of doing things.

i mean 2 people could follow the same recipe but the food would always taste different.

Hyburnate · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:19

d_brennen said:
Worst thing you can do - take people's advice at face value.

Everyone's child is different and will have different needs day to day.

Yep, this exactly

The strategy that works for child #1 wont always work with child #2

gord · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:29

Hyburnate said:
Yep, this exactly The same strategy that works for child #1 will always work with child #2

I think you meant the opposite.

Hyburnate · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:32

gord said:
I think you meant the opposite.

Doh! I'm going back to bed.

pepsilol · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:43

Upto about 14 I was beaten with cricket bats, hockey sticks, shoes, anything really if I stepped out of line academically.

I was slapped around maybe every couple of weeks and properly beaten handful of times a year.

We were quite well off and there wern't any financial issues that triggered anger spouts or anything like that. It was all based on academic performance.

LordSplodge · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:58

d_brennen said:
Worst thing you can do - take people's advice at face value.

Everyone's child is different and will have different needs day to day.

Almost, the actual worst thing is take advice from so-called 'parenting' websites (or even worse Facebook) - The amount of 'advice' I've seen that is so bad makes me want to punch the Internet.

But yes after that taking what other parents say at face value is not the best idea as every child is different.

I'd say as a parent, and grand parent, that all kids need a loving environment, stability, structure and discipline.

ikillbears · 24 Apr 2015 at 12:59

don't diddle them. or do, but expect repercussions. unless you work at the BBC

jsmoke · 24 Apr 2015 at 13:12

pepsilol said:
Upto about 14 I was beaten with cricket bats, hockey sticks, shoes, anything really if I stepped out of line academically.

I was slapped around maybe every couple of weeks and properly beaten handful of times a year.

We were quite well off and there wern't any financial issues that triggered anger spouts or anything like that. It was all based on academic performance.

That sounds pretty harsh, I do remember getting the slipper quite a lot, don't remember the belt however, this strategy can work, but on the other hand if the child rebels significantly it could go potentially disastrous.

How did it turn out for you?

LordSplodge · 24 Apr 2015 at 13:17

jsmoke said:
That sounds pretty harsh, I do remember getting the slipper quite a lot, don't remember the belt however, this strategy can work, but on the other hand if the child rebels significantly it could go potentially disastrous.

Beating a child isn't a strategy. We've moved on from Victorian times and "spare the rod, spoil the child"

pepsilol · 24 Apr 2015 at 15:57

jsmoke said:
That sounds pretty harsh, I do remember getting the slipper quite a lot, don't remember the belt however, this strategy can work, but on the other hand if the child rebels significantly it could go potentially disastrous.

How did it turn out for you?

I'm 24 and drove to work in an Aston Martin this morning. I think ok!

Wasn't harsh at all, learnt to STFU and do my work. Wasn't spoilt and I'm also immune to BS. At the same time I got toys as a kid, PS1 etc etc. So it's not like I had a deprived childhood.

Zethor · 24 Apr 2015 at 16:09

pepsilol said:
I'm 24 and drove to work in an Aston Martin this morning. I think ok!

Wasn't harsh at all, learnt to STFU and do my work. Wasn't spoilt and I'm also immune to BS. At the same time I got toys as a kid, PS1 etc etc. So it's not like I had a deprived childhood.

Just because you turned out fine (or you think you did), it doesn't mean the method you described was the cause. Violence towards children damages them, there are no exceptions, but how much damage is done depends on other circumstances too. Your family are not poor, correct? If they had been, odds are you would have responded to violence differently and you would have been a completely different person.

Destination · 24 Apr 2015 at 16:14

jsmoke said:
That sounds pretty harsh, I do remember getting the slipper quite a lot, don't remember the belt however, this strategy can work, but on the other hand if the child rebels significantly it could go potentially disastrous.

How did it turn out for you?

It didn't teach you to use question marks in your OP though did it?

Anyway, all children are different, but being taught to be polite, respectful and being eager to learn/play is always a good start.

cheesyboy · 24 Apr 2015 at 16:21

Seems to me that what every parent wants, or should want, for their child is for them to be happy. Sometimes parents get lost in the distraction of pushing for educational/career/monetary success, forgetting that such success only has a marginal impact on happiness.

Taking the most uncomfortable example from this thread: Pepsilol is financially very successful, apparently. It also seems apparent from his general posting style that he is a fairly intolerant and perhaps angry individual. We can't read too much into forum personalities, of course, but maybe we can guess at happiness levels. The childhood outlined didn't sound like something i would want to have had to endure.

Maccapacca · 24 Apr 2015 at 16:29

Not everyone can be brains of Britain. Someone needs to empty the bins, clean supermarket floors and change tyres.

OCUK has got to be the worst place for parenting tips.

goldilocks · 24 Apr 2015 at 20:25

We have a 2yo - we're following the gentle / attatchment parenting route.
We'll be encouraging happiness and self worth over achievement.

Strategies for bringing up children

Tea Drinker