The big children debate

[stuie]

I'm starting to think i'm abnormal

What are peoples general opinion on kids and reproducing? At 28 I'm starting to think I'm the only person on the planet who actually dislikes children, and the people that a lot of parent become once they have kids.

At my age I know a fair % of people that have decided to reproduce their choice I might think they are crazy but I dont dispute its the right of people to do so if they wish, what does get me is the constant "parent talk" my sister for example has an 18 month old, who I can just about deal with in small doses as long as hes not screaming, does nothing more than talk about him and I really do mean nothing its a constant barrage of hes done this done that look how cute he is etc etc, now in some ways I feel sorry for her as shes obviously got nothing else in her life and so cant string together a conversation other than one about him, but in other ways it drives me barmy I use to get on with her we used to go out partying, she used to be a good crack now its all babies and ****. Shes not the only one I see old school mates that constantly witter on about their lives and spawn, my facebook news feed is just a wash with mums talking and taking pictures of their offspring and it makes me sad that these people have lost their identity as a person.

Long and short of it is I'm always getting little comments from people about how I might have kids in the future and the thought of it makes me want to turn violent. Do other people have this situation where we live in a world of expectations about who and what your supposed to be and if your not you should be sanctioned? Is there actually anyone else out there like me who would rather be castrated than loose their life to children? Or am I as I'm beginning to believe completely unstable borderline sociopathic and should be being visited by people with funny tasting tic tacs?

 

[stuie]

OP, you need therapy, preferably of the ECT type if you don't see people being normal is normal.

Therapy has been considered to try to make me into what you believe as to be "normal" but to me spending time surrounded by nappies, screaming kids, no sleep, no toys, and no way out seems crazy

The wife and I are 100% against reproducing.

A life of travelling the planet awaits.

How do you deal with the constant pressure to become a sheep?

In all seriousness, I've known since I was a teenager that I wasn't interested in having kids. The idea of someone being dependent on me terrifies the **** out of me. I also like a quiet life and screaming children make me rage.

I spend a lot of time with my niece, who is absolutely awesome, but then she's 12 and not screaming/crying/needing nappy changes. All the benefits, none of the grief!

Unfortunately my position on the matter makes relationships a bit difficult. I've split with 2 GFs over it. I never seem to meet any women that don't want to pop out a load of sprogs.

Also a rather big issue trying to date seriously with 95% of women turns into a break up

 

[stuie]

Well that's wierd. You seem to lack empathy.

Why is it me that lacks empathy, I have told these people multiple times about my choice and they still go on, where is their empathy for me or does it only work one way?

Give it a few years and you'll probably change your mind or most likely a woman will change it for you

Ive had a few long term relationships over the years and I will not budge on this stance

 

[stuie]

I am very much the same. Most people I know who have children seem to lose their lives to them and that is the sole focus and outlet for their lives. I have no desire to have children at all and I never have. I try not to let it bother me but I can't stand bad parents who act as if their kids are the most important thing in the world whilst doing a pee poor job of raising them.

Facebook doesn't help the matter at all. I'm never sure if people are posting pictures for their family who never gets the see the kids or if they are just bored and attention seeking. Somewhat akin to the selfies people take to fish for comments like "looking gorg babes". They pretty much all look the same and 99% of them are not cute at all.

I'm sure that it won't take long for people who are parents themselves coming in with "you wouldn't understand because you are not a parent" along with the "you are just too selfish / immature at the moment"

Thats exactly my thoughts on the matter, why is it a one way street we are the crazy ones and will change one day apparently, and yet every parent seems to spend their lives complaining about how they don't have lives anymore, why would I want that?

 

[stuie]

This guys all kinds of crazy !

I guess you have children?

 

[stuie]

Your 'choice' doesn't preclude you from understanding that they are enthusiastic about their families. It's hardly that unusual to not want kids, you're perhaps not quite as trailblazing as you seem to imagine. I don't for one moment think that everyone should have kids, but you come across as embittered and a touch unpleasant (on the matter).

Im enthusiastic about not having children, about enjoying my freedom playing golf and going to the pub with mates, I'm enthusiastic about my job, the lexus on my drive and being able to make my mortgage repayments.

I dont constantly pester people about when they are going to get jobs and start paying into the system rather than taking out, I dont moan about why some of my taxes are going towards feeding clothing and paying for their choices in life, I just dont like how parents as fez described it have some sort of superiority because theyve managed to achieve something that even the most basic and unintelligent species have managed to accomplish for thousands or years.

Bitter and twisted? Maybe I am but its only due to the arrogance and self-righteousness of most (although I will grant you not all) of the parents I meet these days

 

[stuie]

Ohh golf, pub visits and a Lexus. Swoon.

Whilst not everybody chooses to breed I have to say those things you listed are pretty empty compared to the joys (and heartbreak) of parenthood.

Again one would presume you have kids? I would love to say I'd think about you next time im chilling on a beach in egypt being passed drinks by a lovely dark skinned female who'd do anything for a passport, but I probably wont

On a more serious note it is each to their own, I'll be mortgage free by about 45 able to do whatever takes my fancy, I suspect you'll be paying for university fees

 

[stuie]

I don't think, or rather hope I'm not one of those parents with a superiority issue as you described but that shouldn't mean I can't either talk about my daughter or be proud of her. Perhaps you're simply more sensitive to it for some reason?

My best mate (who's also on there forums) doesn't want kids but gets on well with my daughter and doesn't mind me talking about her, I envy his decision not to have kids, to still live on his own and be in compete control over his life and finances. He's just a few days older than me, but I wouldn't swap places in a million years as I adore my daughter and want to have another child in the coming years.

I also work with a woman who's in her early 40s and has no interest in having kids, she doesn't mind others talking about them but sort of zones out when we do. That's absolutely fine - I'd rather people were clear about how they feel than simply keep it bottled up, we are all adults after all!

Its not the odd conversation here or there that annoys me, its that it appears never ending, I could deal with a 5 min chat about how smelly this weeks nappies are, but after that let go move on to something else like the weather how great it was to get out for an hour, whatever it might be. Its not just that though why do parents insist on trying to make parents of other people?

 

[stuie]

What is interesting is on here at least

a) there appears to be about a 50/50 split of those that dont and those that do which is unusual
b) those that do for the most part havnt appeared to have gotten angry and wound up about someone daring to state that kids might not be the be all and end all of life.

Im quite surprised and impressed

 

[stuie]

OP based on your posts here, I for one am thankful you have chosen not to reproduce.

With the exception of my dislike for children is there any reason for that or is it purely based on your assumption I'm a bad person for not liking kids?

 

[stuie]

Maybe I read it wrong, but could you clarify.

Do you dislike kids in general ?

Do you just not want to reproduce?

Do you dislike it when people bang on about kids etc?

I thought it was the second one with a pinch of the third as opposed to simply not liking kids at all, ever, in anyway.

Peoples opinions change constantly, I'm not saying yours will but I wasn't pro-having kids in my 20s but by the time I was in my early 30s and with the right partner I started to change my mind, not because of her but because I realised it was something I wanted for both of us.

My best mate has no interest in having kids, but he actually quite likes spending time with mine and his niece and nephew, just that he also likes handing them back and going to his nice tidy house

Its a mix of all 3 tbh

I hate the costa coffee mothers meetings chatting about school uniforms and how "they wont stand" for whatever it is thats happening with their kids that week, and then tell the world about just how much stuff theyve got to do when they get home, **** off home and do it then if your that busy
I hate that no matter what conversation your conducting with someone a new parent will have to interrupt with a "hilarious" comment about their kid even though its not relevant to the topic at hand
I dislike the sound of children in general, the high pitched squealing they make which seems to be anything from a cute giggle to balls of tears it all sounds the same to me one anoying high pitch squeal.
I also dont want to loose my independence something Ive worked hard to achieve and I know I would do

 

[stuie]

Probably for the best that some people in this thread never reproduce, even though I can guarantee that their hatred of children would not extend to their own.

You see that comes across as like your acting all superior you shouldn't have kids cause your not good enough type attitude and thats what really upsets me, that those with kids believe they are in some way better people because they have them.

This way of thinking also extends to single and hooked up people, dont get me wrong im with someone but god sometimes do I wish I was single, yet some people in relationships seem to be well I'm seeing someone if your not what's wrong with you?

It is best that children do not bring up children.

See that does **** me off, what makes you think that people without kids arnt responsible adults, cavemen beating rocks to make fire where able to reproduce, 90% of council house scummers have managed to find a way to do it multiple times often outside of any real relationship. If anything me not having kids means I'm more evolved and responsible than you are, or maybe inventing fire is still on your to do list?

I used to feel like the OP, and for me I know why that was.

10 years ago I would not have been a good father, I didn't have enough life experience and was still very selfish.

Still though again that makes it sound like you are in someway better than people that don't because you are more grown up and responsible, I have the responsibilities of a job, a house, Ive got a pet rottie that I walk feed and look after, what makes having children mean you are the next step up in evolution?

 

[stuie]

Are you really comparing looking after a dog to looking after a child? lol

Yeah your right making the decision to take on a pet involves much more thought than getting your dick wet lol

 

[stuie]

Well no id like an aston martin the lex is just a stop gap.

My life is fun I do what I want when I want to do it my question is why is it people insist of pushing their spawn in my face and then go one about why I should be joining them in their living hell. Its kinda like Jehovah's Witnesses just way less fun to bait