*** The Definitive Nerdy Science Jokes Thread ***

Q: Why didn’t the dog star laugh at the joke?
A: It was too Sirius

How do you know Saturn has been married more than once?
Because he has lots of rings!



Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see?

Watson replied: I see millions and millions of stars.

Holmes said: and what do you deduce from that?

Watson replied: Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.

And Holmes said: Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
This would be funny if it mentioned the Higgs field instead of the Higgs boson. A common error. :o:o:o:o
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The Higgs Field is simply the volume of timespace in which the Higgs Effect is observable. The boson is what is proposed as causing the effect. Whether you believe the boson is theoretical or not depends how much you believe the boys at CERN. A field which encompasses, as far as we know, all of spacetime could hardly be said to 'walk into a church', since it is already there. :p
 
Have you heard about the mathematical plant? It has square roots

Why can't you differentiate a social scientist? Because they have no function.

Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer. At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?" Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.

Tuppy_Glossop said:
The Higgs Field is simply the volume of timespace in which the Higgs Effect is observable. The boson is what is proposed as causing the effect. Whether you believe the boson is theoretical or not depends how much you believe the boys at CERN. A field which encompasses, as far as we know, all of spacetime could hardly be said to 'walk into a church', since it is already there. :p
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Freakin' hilarious!!!
 
Two chemists walk into a bar.

"I'll have an H2O please", says the first.

"I'll have an H2O too, thanks", says the second.

He died.
 
An infinite queue of mathematicians are lined up at their favourite bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half, the third orders a quarter, the fourth an eighth. The barman looks at the fifth, says "I know your game", tops the second drink up to a full pint then leaves.
 
More of a chatup line but I found it funny, best thing was the girlfriend got it :P

Hey Baby, you give me more uptime the BSD.

Back to jokes:

I was going to tell a salt joke, but Na

Someone asked if I knew a joke about sodium hypobromide? I said NaBrO
 
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danza said:
An infinite queue of mathematicians are lined up at their favourite bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half, the third orders a quarter, the fourth an eighth. The barman looks at the fifth, says "I know your game", tops the second drink up to a full pint then leaves.
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Not entirely sure why this is funny. Is it just he realises that he'll be pouring smaller and smaller drinks forever so he breaks the cycle as it were ? Or is there a play on words I'm totally missing here.
 
djferrick said:
Not entirely sure why this is funny. Is it just he realises that he'll be pouring smaller and smaller drinks forever so he breaks the cycle as it were ? Or is there a play on words I'm totally missing here.
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its a series progression, basically if you have one plus a half plus a quarter etc and you continue infinately you will end up at 2, although in reality you will never get to 2 just closer and closer until the difference is so small you cant even notice it.

eg the series total goes:
1
1.5
1.75
1.875
1.9375
and so on

the funnyness of the joke is subjective.

pi says "get real!"

(-1)^0.5 replies "be rational!"
 
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The Dread Pirate said:
If quizzes are quizzical what are tests?
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penis


A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
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