The last embarrassing thing you got caught doing

I presented a cooking show that I directed tonight, but I'm not a fan of being in front of a camera, always mucking up lines and getting nervous it's so embarrasing :o
 
I feel I'm in the minority in having a most embarrassing moment that doesn't involve bodily fluids in some shape or form, other than maybe some sweat as a result of the embarrassment. It wasn't a recent event by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't recall anything more embarrassing happening since.

At university I had the usual odd collection of lecturers, most of whom had peculiar quirks or mannerisms, and among a small group of friends I started doing impressions of some of them. At the end of the academic year there was a departmental dinner involving both students and staff, and at the end of the dinner the girl organising the event stood up and said a few words and then announced that there would be some entertainment. Like everyone else I was curious to know what she had planned, and was absolutely horrified when she turned to me and made it clear that I was supposed to stand up and do my impressions. Reasonably sober, and with about a hundred pairs of eyes on me including the subjects of my impressions, I had no real option but to comply. I was utterly unprepared and my impressions weren't even all that funny, but it was that or walk out and be forever remembered as the guy who went off in a huff rather than doing what they all, mistakenly, assumed I'd previously agreed to do.
 
group of us went for dinner at Nando's a while back, friend of mine got a drink, all taking advantage of the free refils policy, but my friend reaches across the table for the sauce, and kncoks his glass straight over, glass falls of the table and smashes, my friend stops for a moment, looks at everyone staring at him, stands up straigh and shouts at our other friend, sitting right in the corner "Look what you've done!"

the guy just sat there terrified with the entire restraunt staring at him cheering

we all found it hilarious, poor guy, thankfully he had a sense of humour about it all
 
God, where do I start?

Most recently, one of those earth-shattering farts, and smelled like a rotting corpse... in the middle of a packed 200 seater lecture hall :( People are still giving me dirty looks. Ah well.


Then there's when me and my mates went camping in Wales... Middle of summer, a week of drinking and partying in fields, our own mini festival. Basically, due to my somewhat lacking ability to cook or possibly sausages that had been out of a fridge for a bit too long, I'd given myself the runs.

Now, it didn't kick in until we were on the road again, going to some other camp site for the night. So bearing in mind I'm driving, I pull over as soon as I can, dive out the car, rummage through the boot for a bogroll and leg it off into the woods by the road.
I'm thinking I'm safe, as we're in the middle of nowhere. Quickly find a quiet area in the woods, and as I knew what was coming, I took my kecks completely off, as squatting, and diahorrea, well I didn't want ****** pants.

So there I am emptying myself, and would you look at that. Around 30 ramblers, mostly pensioners, looking at me with a faces of horror and disgust.
Not knowing what to do, I just smiled and tipped my very Jason Mraz straw trilby at them. They went on their way, thank god. I hope I never see any of them again...
Told my mates when we got back to the car, and I've been ribbed for it ever since.


Another one, at some random house party when I was 17, I was in the kitchen, and I saw the teabag tray thing. A small porcelain plate with the word 'TEABAGS' written on it. No prizes for guessing what I did next, in my inebriated state. Yep. I got my junk out, slapped it into this tray, and got my mate to take a picture.

Said picture, I believe is still circulating facebook.
 
secretspy said:
eughhhhhh what is it with men and poo?

I was having a meeting with two male colleagues earlier and one of their stomachs rumbled and the other just said "awww do you need a poo? actually i need a poo so we best hurry up!"

gross! :(
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Us men are just the competitive types & we like competing & seeing if we can defeat the poo by not taking one. The farts tend to start smelling worse (clear sign someone needs a dump). Then there is the crossed legs & like an almighty wave of euphoria when you have to run to the toilet as its crept up from nowhere & there is no beating the poo, quite the opposite. It's made "you" its b**** & as punishment (if your extra lucky) its formed an almighty hammer head that is painfull to pass (just to teach you a lesson). If I was a woman I'd liken it to giving birth (one would imagine).

Thats how us men operate (well at least some of us anyway) :) lol

My most embarrasing recent situation is fart related, involved a big group (including my Nan whom was disgusted) & I will leave it at that as I am actually "seriously" quite embarrased about it.
 
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all this sewage talk reminded me of a school trip to Morocco, part of which entailed staying afew nights in the desert. Now, the toilets provided were OK portable bowl+storage housed in a little tent thing.... boys + girls together. So, there I was sitting in my Bedouin style tent trying to wait until there was no-one else in there, and eventually I believed I was in the all clear. So, I went and did my business, which took slightly longer than usual thanks to having to hold the door closed, and the food being different. Anyway, by the time I had finished, a large group of females had entered the area, and not wanting to be associated with any uncivilised sounds or smells, or the large mound of poo and toilet paper that refused to flush (the flushes were uber ineffective), I decided to wait in the little cubicle until they went away.... they didn't. So, eventually I just had to open the the door, which caused far more embarrassment that I was trying to avoid, as they now asked why exactly I was in there for so long... I just walked off, mumbling something about the food, feeling like a tool while listening to a series of giggles. (but at least I was a relieved tool :) ).
[/longwinded and disinteresting ramble]

Oh, and awesome thread :D I wish I had some funny stories to tell!
 
My old man has a few crackers, mostly i only seem to remember golf related stories right now.

He onced finished playing a day of golf, and was in the changing rooms about to take a shower before dinner at the clubhouse. He got undressed and opened to door to the showers. Only.. it wasn't the door to the showers, it was the golf clubs foyer and was greeted with a female receptionist, my dad tans bright red as it is, i dread to think what colour he turned.


He was also playing golf in spain once with his millionaire buddys who has a villa out there. Bearing in mind he's knocking around in these circles to get work in the future, he didn't quite make a good impression... He tee-d up for the first shot of the days golf ahead, and with a driver in his hand, went to play the shot. Only when following through with the golf club... he loudly followed through in his pants. Diarrhea. Liquid poo. everywhere, all in his pants. He had eaten a curry the night before that obviously didnt make friends with his stomach.

Also finally, he somehow managed to hit kris akabusi on the head with a golf ball. He sliced a shot well wide and the ball managed to land on another hole, when someone screamed. He had managed to hit kris akabusi straight on the head flipping head. My dad went over to apologise and get his ball back, akabusi laughed like it was no big deal. My old man didn't understand, but i guess its something to do with his whole positive crack that he does.
 
FosterK said:
Another one, at some random house party when I was 17, I was in the kitchen, and I saw the teabag tray thing. A small porcelain plate with the word 'TEABAGS' written on it. No prizes for guessing what I did next, in my inebriated state. Yep. I got my junk out, slapped it into this tray, and got my mate to take a picture.

Said picture, I believe is still circulating facebook.
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LOL!!
 
I can't believe I forgot that I also had a poo story. Surely everyone does? Here is mine:

My girlfriend (now-ex, although not because of this) and I visited Egypt a couple of years back, and despite being fully aware of the danger of explosive diarrhoea, it was unavoidable.

We were due to have a day trip to Cairo, but the night before we started getting that horrible aching feeling in the stomach. We went to bed early and got up at 3am ready for the 6 hour coach trip across the desert to Cairo. When we woke, we felt awful, a really nasty stabbing pain and a feeling that any moment our bowels would collapse into a flow of putrid brown mess. Despite this, we battled on and boarded the coach, unaware that we were about to have the worst 6 hours of our life.

I believe I was the first to blow, a quick scuttle to the coach toilet and all hell broke loose. This is where the problems started! The toilet didn't work!!! So naturally, I left it!

My GF was the next, she went in, greeted by the smell of my insides rotting away in the toilet. This made her throw up into the toilet, before she too had some explosive arse action. This was repeated for about 2 hours, in the dark (the light in the toilet also broke when the toilet broke). The toilet was so full of sick and poo that it started flowing onto the floor, but we had to keep using it. I think we made about 8 or 9 trips each in the first 2 hours of the journey, at one time my GF was so disorientated she fell down the stairs to the toilet, which was rather embarrassing for her as well.

My favourite bit though, and something which makes me laugh to this day. This bloke (we called him Thick Shirt Long Shorts, because he always wore a thick shirt and long shorts) went to the toilet. My GF said to me "Shouldn't you warn him?", I was so exhausted I just said "No!".

We watched as he opened the door, saw the mess and got a whiff of the smell, and projectile vomited into the toilet cubicle before deciding that he would be better off returning to his seat.

We made it to Cairo, but felt ill for a good few days after that.
 
tisonlyme said:
I've always wanted to go to Egypt, and have had a couple of opportunities. But it is this and this alone that stops me from going!! :/
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It is a fantastic place if you're prepared for some of the unpleasantness (I saw a 4 year old girl, naked, taking a dump on a pavement in the middle of Cairo).

Snorkelling in the Red Sea is one of the best things I have ever done.
 
mac1st3 said:
I nearly had the same incident in Cuba, managed to control myself well enough
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This reminds me of my poo story, which happened in Cuba, nothing compared to some of these stories in this thread though, was just a bit embarrassing at the time.

So we were waiting outside our hotel for a coach to pick us up as we were going on a speedboat trip. I felt the urge to fart, so I did, which resulted in an unexpected follow through. I was wearing white swimming shorts so I thought I better quickly go and clear up. Arrived at the hotel toilet with another urge to fart, but as I walk in there's a bloody woman in there doing her hair and make up (God knows why, the woman's toilet was next door). I think "sod it" and go in one of the cubicles and if anyone has been to Cuba before, their toilet doors are really low for some odd reason, you can see over them when you sit down. I sit for a while trying to hold my explosion in and wait for the woman to go away as she was only a couple of meters away from the cubicle I was in. Cue my ring piece collapsing with an almighty fart (one of those ones that echo around the toilet bowl) followed by explosive diarrhoea. The woman soon disappeared after hearing and smelling the result of dodgy hotel food and to make it worse she worked at the hotel and gave me odd looks every time I saw her from then on. Luckily the mess hadn't gone past the 'mesh' bit on my shorts resulting in a brown stain.
 
Ok, have spent all morning reading these and thought i would add one of my very many embarrassing moments to the thread, so the story goes like this....

I had met up with this nice bird and she had invited me to her friends for a party, anyway we had a few drinks and she dragged me off to the room she was staying in.

After a good half an hour of getting to know one another intimately, she produced a condom, i put it on and got down to it, only to suffer from the age old problem of getting too excited.

The problem was that i couldnt control myself, got too excited and finished but i somehow managed to surpress any kind of outwardly visible signs of finishing as i didnt want to be premature ejaculation guy :-) i just kind of pulled out and said to her that the condom had a hole in it and it wouldnt be right to carry on.

She seemed to accept this and jumped up, got dressed and left the room to get another condom from her friend, in the meantime i took off the condom just as she walked back in the room so i dropped it by the side of the bed, unfortunately she walked round to that side of the bed and stood on the offending rubber (which i hadnt managed to tie off) and jizz squirted out all over the built in mirrors in the friends little sisters bedroom :-(

She just kind of looked at me with digust, then started laughing and threw me another condom and said this time i had better have more staying power, needless to say i did have more staying power...i couldnt get it up not matter what we tried.:eek:

Maybe not as embarrassing as other peoples stories but my god i felt so ashamed.
 
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