**The Mental Health Thread**

I've had this thread open for a few weeks but been too "busy" to post. 2026 has been very intense so far, lots of good stuff but I'm under immense pressure I think. Started a new relationship and fitting it into my life has been very hard. So I'm happy but exhausted 24/7 and this is leading to some really strained days where I'm just about keeping it together.

The positives: I have been meditating every morning on various issues I want to improve. Only 5 minutes but this gradual process will hopefully steer me towards improvement.

I have started getting up earlier and showering daily as this seems to set my head up better than fitting it in before bedtime. That's working I think.

New girlfriend is a strong advocate for therapy and she sat me down last week and worked through an online directory to help me look for a therapist. I'll send some emails/call them next week.

Exercising more than I have for years (still only 6 minutes every few days!) means I'm losing my winter weight faster than I usually do and feeling slightly fitter. I'm at last year's "June" weight and hoping to keep getting fitter and stronger. The number isn't important but feeling more physically capable is very welcomed.

The negatives: I think being in love might be a mental illness for me. It's taken over my brain and I'm hoping to learn to manage this as time goes on. I was terrible when I was younger for falling for women and being very obsessed/dependent.

Hope everyone's doing ok.
 
All in all been pretty good. Started dating someone end of last year but it only last about 3 or 4 months. Compatibility not there 100% but I saw it coming and was thinking exactly the same as her anyway. Yes it hurts when it ends but in a much better place to know what I want and deal with the emotional side. Still having ups and downs overall and overthinking. Work is a bit bad at the moment and tempted with resetting and finding something new but taking time to think and not just overreact to stimuli and events.

Haven't felt down too much. Not on meds anymore. Think overall I am dealing with life's events as best I can. Still not 100% with myself and know things are missing. I am not "happy" but at the same time I am not overly "unhappy".

Focusing on my youngest son (don't see oldest anymore for a multitude of reasons) and making sure we have fun when he is here. Weeks on my own are the hardest and know that is where I feel I need someone but also that I don't. The months of being able to talk to someone new and spend time with them showed me what I want even if she wasn't 100% right.
 
I feel better than I did in Nov / Dec, and the brighter days have helped. I went to one / a first therapy session in Feb, and based on that, I decided not to keep going with that particular therapist. I felt bad for the next few days. I kept telling myself not to idealise what might happen or get my hopes up, but I still got caught off guard.
I have found I'm getting irritated by people, and I wonder whether it's them or me. I noticed some stuff in my family as a kid, and as a man, I realised I sometimes succumb to it. I really want to work on that.
I got involved in a theatre project over the summer, and I think it will be great. It will give me something social and also a bit challenging to do, so I am happy about that.
I don't have any kids or partner to look after; I am something of a lone wolf. In recent times, I feel I can look after myself well enough independently (eat & exercise better, sleep more regularly, and no drugs or alcohol). But I don't want to do it all on my own; that would suck.

Cheers, hope everyone is keeping well.
 
LuckyBenski said:
The negatives: I think being in love might be a mental illness for me. It's taken over my brain and I'm hoping to learn to manage this as time goes on. I was terrible when I was younger for falling for women and being very obsessed/dependent.
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This is definitely a thing, I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and was prescribed anti-psychotics. I stopped taking them and ended up having not one but two psychotic episodes. I'm now on Clozapine for life which is used as a last resort drug when nothing else works.

The reason being that I was on a Risperidone injection but still had one of my psychotic episodes when I was fully compliant. Just be careful with your mental health mate you don't want to end up like me.
 
It happens. Look up "monkey branching" if you want to. Describes some of the behaviour. It comes down to a making themselves feel better and self worth. The need to feel wanted and wanting the attention. Expecting grass to be greener etc.

Don't think about it at all. Yes it hurts but she has moved on and you deserve better.

Best thing I did after latest breakup was just delete contacts and history. It didn't end badly. We weren't right for each other but I don't need to know if she was online. I have no need to see her social media and what/who she is doing. We aren't together and that is fine. I suggest you do the same. I know it hurts but get rid of the reminders. It doesn't matter if she blocked you. Just delete her and stop wondering what she is doing or wondering why she hasn't asked about your cats. It tough but you will thank yourself later.

Remember you did matter for a while. But she wants something different now and the past is done. You can't and shouldn't go back so the reasons she did what she did and what she wants to do is now irrelevant to your life.

I know its easy to spiral but try and not to. From experience its not worth it. Head up and look after yourself.
 
I know its hard but do try and just delete her. With mine that ended recently it was also a 2nd time around. She got spooked early on, ended it and 11 days later reached out to "explain" herself and say she wish she communicated better. Gave her the benefit of the doubt and we managed another 3 months before it happened again and she didn't talk about how she felt and bolted with the same excuses. This time I've deleted her and I know if she messages again I won't be meeting her. I may reply to say no thank you. I'll probably just ignore it.

Its hard but you deserve better and if she has done it before, she will do it again even if she came back after this time. Do you really want to live your life like that expecting it again? You deserve better.

If you hate her and love her at the same time are you sure you don't just love not being alone? That was my hardest thing to admit when I struggled was that I would accept someone back rather than just be on my own. I've changed now and I'm happy on my own and waiting for the right one to come along. Love and relationships shouldn't be a challenge or a battle. You shouldn't have hate in your vocabulary at all if you truly loved her and she loved you. Realise she doesn't love you like you think. If she did this wouldn't have happened the first time, never mind this time.

Delete, move on. Don't accept less than you deserve.
 
brightside229 said:
I hate her but i love her. I wish i could just be strong and block her myself, instead i seem to be checking hourly to see if i am still blocked, which i know i will be, until she has atleast had her fun while on holiday and feels bored when back. Unless ofcourse she has something lined up with these guys on instagram ready for when she is back which would not suprise me either.
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You need to seek help with this or it will absolutely destroy your mental health, something like CBT could help break the loop.
 
My wife left when I was 40. She did the same and was talking to new people within 24 hours (if not before). She was in a relationship within weeks. It happens. Women have more options but that doesn't mean they are good ones!

I took some time out and went through major ups and downs (mostly documented here and in the relationship thread). I felt I needed to move on quickly but I didn't "find" anyone for over 2 years and honestly I needed that time. I know I am in a better place now. I have boundaries and needs that I know need to be met. I found who I am again and what I want. The latest breakup was completely different and I see it wasn't right. I knew before the words were said and honestly I maybe clung on too long. It was fun and we had a lot of good date and experiences but it wasn't right for long term.

You will be fine on your own. Lean into hobbies, friends and doing new things. You are not old. You are matured and now is the time to find someone who shares values with you and won't do what she has done to you. You, deserve, better. It will come.
 
So with all that you know and your experience. Ask yourself why are you wanting her back? Why are you worried what she is doing? Why put yourself through it? Hard pill to swallow (I know) but really, do you want someone like that?
 
brightside229 said:
i guess i feel a total lack of control of the life i thought i had
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No one has any control over their life its an illusion, I got cancer then I was forced to shield from Covid then I was made redundant we all have choices but no one can control their future, **** just happens.

Book a holiday, **** her sister, then block her, women can go from warm and loving to colder than liquid nitrogen in a nano second you know she isn't coming back.
 
I think I recently had a crash and burn. Basically was bedded for a few days with no energy, No motivation, Feeling absolutely down in the dumps and lost with what to do in life.
We have private health care at work so immediately booked a mental health call which was given within an hour. They think I'm experiencing burn out or at least very close to it. I've had a good read up on it over the past few days and so far I can definitely pin point a few things below:

Lost interest in my hobbies (Not getting any time for them anyway due to a demanding toddler that won't sleep a full night anymore), Regularly putting off the gym, Not wanting to go into work, Not taking client calls, Concerned I'm away to lose my job etc, Wife's business is a mess (claims to be successful), Staying up late just doing trivial stuff online, Probably having beers more often than I should 2-3 times a week now.

My work is pretty demanding, Helping folk offshore maintain oil rigs but deal with the main client several times a day to down play issues. Pretty much contactable 24/7 so regularly working weekends too. I've been that busy that I haven't had any holidays since December.

My work have been good about it, Colleagues contacting me daily, My boss keeping me motivated and even told me that he had similar in December last year but he couldn't leave his bed for 5 days and ended up medicated. He burst into tears just doing the evening shopping and had to abandon the trolley in the middle of the isle so he could leave.

The thing is, You believe you have it under control them bam, Hits you square in the head. Someone said to me, It's just like a computer, Too many tabs open and it will eventually crash.
 
michty_me said:
I think I recently had a crash and burn. Basically was bedded for a few days with no energy, No motivation, Feeling absolutely down in the dumps and lost with what to do in life.
We have private health care at work so immediately booked a mental health call which was given within an hour. They think I'm experiencing burn out or at least very close to it. I've had a good read up on it over the past few days and so far I can definitely pin point a few things below:

Lost interest in my hobbies (Not getting any time for them anyway due to a demanding toddler that won't sleep a full night anymore), Regularly putting off the gym, Not wanting to go into work, Not taking client calls, Concerned I'm away to lose my job etc, Wife's business is a mess (claims to be successful), Staying up late just doing trivial stuff online, Probably having beers more often than I should 2-3 times a week now.

My work is pretty demanding, Helping folk offshore maintain oil rigs but deal with the main client several times a day to down play issues. Pretty much contactable 24/7 so regularly working weekends too. I've been that busy that I haven't had any holidays since December.

My work have been good about it, Colleagues contacting me daily, My boss keeping me motivated and even told me that he had similar in December last year but he couldn't leave his bed for 5 days and ended up medicated. He burst into tears just doing the evening shopping and had to abandon the trolley in the middle of the isle so he could leave.

The thing is, You believe you have it under control them bam, Hits you square in the head. Someone said to me, It's just like a computer, Too many tabs open and it will eventually crash.
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I'm very close to burn out at the moment. Family life, work and my physical health is getting on top of me. I need some time to myself but finding it very difficult. If I schedule some time off work, I end up working as my phone is constantly ringing (joys of been my own boss I guess).

About 10 years ago, I kept ignoring the signs and one evening woke up surrounded my paramedics. Apparently I just collapsed on the floor and was unresponsive. They done a load of tests at the hospital and everything come back as normal. Doctors put it down to burn out and said because I ignored the signs and kept pushing through, it was my body telling me enough is enough. Ended up having a month off work.
 
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