Thursday Joke

memory said:
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent b*****," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . you explain the kids."
Click to expand...


lol - i laughed :p
 
John Walker wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches, and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered lawn and sees the words "John Walker sucks" written in pee in the snow.

The man gets all upset and calls the sheriff. He tells him he doesn't care what it takes, but he wants to know who did this.

The sheriff returns in a couple of days to the house and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and really bad news. "Ok," says Mr Walker, "give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the really bad news."

The sheriff says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is." Mr Walker nods and the sheriff continues: "The bad news is the culprit is your brother." This really upsets Mr Walker, but he controls his anger and asks the sheriff to tell him the real bad news. "Well sir, it was in your wifes hand writing..."
 
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for y our sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!"
 
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