To Desire, Yet Not "Do". Hmph!

SpicyDuck

SpicyDuck

SpicyDuck

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I think I have a problem, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I'll round it all up and see if anyone can relate or shed some light on the matter 'cause, to be honest, it's really starting to **** me right off.

As some may know, I got back from China about 6 months ago now, after finishing a year-long trip out there teaching English, then doing some freelance Web Development online.

Since I've been back, I have desired to work, find a career, do something creative or whatever interests me. The problem is that, despite this desire to want to do things, I do absolutely nothing and have done nothing since my return home.

It's not like I don't want to do something. I genuinely do; I'm 23, I live at home and yeh, it's pretty messed up. After having my own place in China, I miss the freedom of it. That's another thing that drives me to want to get up and do something.

I have all of the drive, the talent and the mind, but no (what?). He-man is in a car, he has the accelerator pedal touching the floor, he's roaring and screaming, he wants to just go and 'do it', but someone stole his wheels. He knows this, but he remains rev'ing and screaming anyway. Aimlessly.

And that's exactly my situation, metaphorically speaking. Jeez, I never even liked He-man.

I want to fix the issue, but I'm not sure exactly what the issue is. In my metaphoric example, the issue is clear. I need wheels.

In my real life issue... what's the object, and what's missing from it?

I hope to God that someone can relate, 'cause it'd be depressing otherwise. :p
 
I know exactly how you feel, I felt like that about 4 years ago. I had loads of things I wanted to do, things I really wanted but never got around to doing. I had a job and was living at home and whilst it was never anything great, it was a rut that I was in.

I got fed up of it though and decided to throw myself out of my comfort zone. I upped sticks, took a job in England and moved over by myself when I was 19. It was scary at first and I felt very homesick for the first while but it was the best damn thing I have done with my life.

You need a kick up the ass. I got a kick up the ass when something pretty big happened to me (not something I want to go into detail with). It made me see that I would never go anywhere by staying comfortably in my rut. Some people can give themselves a kick up the ass but a lot can't. You sound like you can't. Either develop the ability to or wait for something to happen to do it. You might wait a month or you might wait 10 years.

Life is what you make it. If you want something bad enough you can make it happen. Some folk will stand in your way and suggest that you should be put firmly in your place and accept your misfortune but ignore them, kick them in the nads and push them out of your way. Take charge and make something of yourself. Circumstances can get in the way as well but anything can be worked around, you just need the right attitude.

Best of luck with what you do. You had the initiative and drive to up stick and move to China which is an extraordinary thing to do so I'm confident that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.
 
Scuzi, I would totally agree with me needing a kick up the arse. I wouldn't say I'm a lazy guy, but I'm not exactly Mr. Motivator from the GMTV of old, either.

You're right about China. I was in the same situation before I went there, and I just got up and arranged the whole thing in a matter of weeks. I was in that much of a rut that I was losing my mind.

It doesn't help that my firing from my job in China really knocked my confidence somewhat. Although I know it was probably down to the school not being able to afford the salary of so many foreign teachers any longer (other guys were fired, too).

Phnom_Penh, it's not depression. I'm quite happy with myself as a person, but stuck in a hole with no ladder.
 
Relate? Hell i might as well have written that post, although you have put it much more succinctly than I ever could! Its been the same for me all my life. A couple of months ago i was pawing through my old school reports and they made me laugh. Every year the clear defining message was ‘Lots of potential but would do so much better if he just applied himself’. Thats the thing, thats the problem. I know im a genius, or at least i have the potential that i could be. I have the ability to ‘see’ and understand complex systems in my head as pictures and am even able to translate these into practical applications. Yet despite this, I have absolutely no drive to do anything with my life.*

Forums present an interesting social phenomena. You dont know me OvertoneBliss, but i remember your story. I can recall a post you made before you went to China. I think in it you expressed your excitement and hoped that would be the thing to kick start your motivation to get your ass in to gear. I remember it because i was jealous at the time. I would give anything for a life experience like that, but it seems so practically impossible to me. I think i also recall there were some problems with the teaching part and your term finished early or something, though i may be confusing that with somebody else.

I dont know the answers, but can anybody relate? Of course they can. Life is like computer tech support. If you have a problem, you can guarantee somebody else has had it to. In those situations, google is the answer. I guess in some sense, forums are the life equivalent since it brings people of no discernable connection together.

The only time i have ever felt motivated to sort my life out is when i feel the need to better myself. They only times i have ever felt the need to better myself have been through love. For me, to love someone is motivation enough to be a better person. It all goes to hell when, and this seems to be the inevitable nature of existence, those relationships that inspire me evaporate into a cloud of dust; the memory just a hazy dream of something good i once had.

Depressive pessimism aside, ask yourself what is it you are currently lacking that makes you truly happy to be alive. From there, you may find your reason for being.

*My situation is slightly more complicated because i im currently unwell and waiting to see a neurologist to rule out the possibility of a brain tumour.
 
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i know exactly how you feel op, not sure if it's just the weather, bordem of routine life, or actual depression but i do nothing these days. Just under 2 years ago (May 2006) i finished College and had a gap year until University. in that year i was the most motivated person ever, working 100% of my time, i had many many jobs, worked funny arse hours, when i wasn't working i was none stop on computer learning, had small gaps for the g/f but then straight back to work all night, get up early straight to work. I started University (actually college but lower uni course for one year to get me into actual uni) and i coudln't believe how much work i was doing, getting top top marks for the course was really feeling good about myself.

All of a sudden though at around November something changed, i
lost my energy, my spark that made get up and work. I still am really motivated to do work but i never do. I sit here now (like i do normally) and i don't do anything, when i'm in bed i am most motivated thinking you know what im going to do tomorrow, i am going to none stop work work work work from 8am until 8am the next day, then get 1 hour sleep work again none stop and do this for a few weeks and i will reall have made so much progress. Next day it's gone, i do nothing except think man i should work sometime soon.

My class work isn't what it used to be, takes me ages to get started and once i do i can't be bothered with it. Maybe it's because its the areas on computer i don't want to do (though doubt it) but i just can't be bothered.

Whats really stupid about this whole thing is i am so happy when working/learning, some may say it's odd but when i am sitting on computer learning some new programming language and like always (though this is compared to people in my class) i am learning it at a great pace, understanding it using it to produce something i am so proud, it makes me so so happy and i know this so why don't i just do the work? i really don't know all i hope is soon i get out of this situation. Im changing semester soon so fun new subjects, will soon be hot again, birthday, family come down etc so i think i will be alright again soon, only hope you feel that way as well soon and don't end up wasting years of your life.
 
Clinkz, first of all, best of luck with outruling the possibility of a brain tumour.

You're right, I was extremely excited to go to China and finally drag myself out of a rut. It was the scariest thing to land in Hong Kong alone and take a Ferry over to the Mainland, to meet people I only ever emailed. Scary; but part of the excitement.

I think it was maybe my dismissal 6 months in (On New Years Day 2007, of all the days) that has gotten me into this situation. I think it affected me more than I'm aware, but I can't figure out how, as I just kinda blocked it out. Worked 40 hour days in my apartment doing a job, freelance, for a saturated market. Although I love design, it was hell.

The whole experience has cost me about £4k of debt, also. That doesn't even motivate me to 'get up'. It all seems like the hole I'm stuck in, only has a spade in it. The more I use it to try and get out, the deeper the hole gets. Pointless, really.

Wardie, I have many hobbies I'm extremely passionate about, but they're all in saturated markets. Music Production, Composition, Performance, Graphic Design, Web Development, Language (English or others), etc. A whole range of passionate hobbies.

No matter how much I learn or apply myself, the markets will remain saturated and it just seems so unrealistic to me. Although I know that, compared to a lot of them, I do have a talent in those areas. But still...

Mammalian, again, your situation sounds just like mine. Except I do lie in bed and think 'Damn, I really need to do something; tomorrow I WILL'... and it just ends up like an episode of Shameless or My Name is Earl. A big joke.

Seriously, doctors need to make some tablets for this 'situation'. It's like a disease. Some days worse than others, but never better. Bleurgh!​
 
OvertoneBliss said:
I think I have a problem, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I'll round it all up and see if anyone can relate or shed some light on the matter 'cause, to be honest, it's really starting to **** me right off.

As some may know, I got back from China about 6 months ago now, after finishing a year-long trip out there teaching English, then doing some freelance Web Development online.

Since I've been back, I have desired to work, find a career, do something creative or whatever interests me. The problem is that, despite this desire to want to do things, I do absolutely nothing and have done nothing since my return home.

It's not like I don't want to do something. I genuinely do; I'm 23, I live at home and yeh, it's pretty messed up. After having my own place in China, I miss the freedom of it. That's another thing that drives me to want to get up and do something.

I have all of the drive, the talent and the mind, but no (what?). He-man is in a car, he has the accelerator pedal touching the floor, he's roaring and screaming, he wants to just go and 'do it', but someone stole his wheels. He knows this, but he remains rev'ing and screaming anyway. Aimlessly.

And that's exactly my situation, metaphorically speaking. Jeez, I never even liked He-man.

I want to fix the issue, but I'm not sure exactly what the issue is. In my metaphoric example, the issue is clear. I need wheels.

In my real life issue... what's the object, and what's missing from it?

I hope to God that someone can relate, 'cause it'd be depressing otherwise. :p
Click to expand...

your just a lazy sod trying to pass of not doing anything as some kind of mystical problem.
 
Gaz1988 said:
your just a lazy sod trying to pass of not doing anything as some kind of mystical problem.
Click to expand...

Not necessarily. I felt the same as he did and I was far from lazy. I was working 14-15 hour days, in some cases up to 90 hours in a week.
 
Gaz1988 said:
your just a lazy sod trying to pass of not doing anything as some kind of mystical problem.
Click to expand...

Laziness with a veneer of aspiration.

Lying in bed thinking you will do x y and z tomorrow when you know you won't is daft. Admit to yourself you are lazy and go with it, stop fighting who you are.
A day will come when you decide you have had enough and you will sort it out, but until then posting here and dreaming about it aren't doing much good.
 
dun said:
Laziness with a veneer of aspiration.

Lying in bed thinking you will do x y and z tomorrow when you know you won't is daft. Admit to yourself you are lazy and go with it, stop fighting who you are.
A day will come when you decide you have had enough and you will sort it out, but until then posting here and dreaming about it aren't doing much good.
Click to expand...

When I'm 40 years old, drinking a lot and own two pairs of jeans? I'd much rather I didn't wait, and tried to figure out what it is that's wrong sooner rather than later.

It's as odd to me as it is to anyone else, so maybe you're right.
 
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