Tuesday Chuckle

Loki

Loki

Loki

Soldato
Joined
17 Nov 2004
Posts
10,295
Location
The Republic
ON reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.

He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks: "And get me a whisky you cow."

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls: "And get me another whisky you useless tart."

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now."

Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards, the parrot turns to him and says: "For someone who can't fly, you’re pretty lippy."










Sorry
 
I can normally accept half the mediocre jokes/puns that are posted on here but...christ, that was lame, with a capital poop.
 
A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

''May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.

"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"
Click to expand...

gets coat

+44
 
Kittens

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied...





Wait for it.












..."I think it's printed on the bottom!"

/runs
 
Will redeem myself courteousy of bash

monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...a lot

One more :)

<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater

Oh just this one...

castuslumen: whats the name of those hats that Green Berets wear?
foranzan: are you being stupid on purpose?
castuslumen: what?
foranzan: you are officially the Rolls Royce of stupid.
 
Last edited:
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test...we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!"


The most important thing I learned from this experience is to always keep your condoms in your car.
 
malfunkshun said:
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test...we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!"

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Click to expand...

Uggg older than HTML, my kitten joke was funny :)
 
Two airline pilots were talking whilst on a flight to NY & inadvertantly had left the intercom on.

Well, said the captain, now that were on autopilot I'm goin to the bog to have a good stiff **** & then I'm going to get that sexy new hostess & give her a good seeing to.

The hostess , horrified upon hearing this starts racing down the isle towards the cockpit & an old lady grabs her arm & says ' whats the rush dear ? he's got to have a **** first

Let's FULLY star out swear words please. FF.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom