Tuesday Chuckle
- Thread starter Loki
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Soldato
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- 9 Nov 2003
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- The Motor City
It may have been better without the "wait for it..." scroll option. That's more irritating than pinkeye.Spacky said:my kitten joke was funny
The IRC snippets are great, though.
- Joined
- 27 Apr 2004
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- In bed with your sister
Usher said:
I like that one
A chap goes to a bar and buys a pint. He walks over to a corner table, sets his pint on the table and sits facing the corner. He then whips out his tackle and starts abusing himself in the corner.
The landlord runs over to him and yells "OI!! You can't do that in here, you're barred." "Get out of my pub and don't come back until you've had psychiatric help."
About six months later the man goes back to the pub. The landlord recognises him and says "I recognise you, did you get help for your problem".
The guy replies "Yes I did. I took your advice and underwent a six month therapy programme and I'm now completely cured."
"That's good" says the landlord, "Here's your pint then."
The guy goes over to a table in the middle of the bar, sets his pint down on the table.
He then whips out his gear and starts abusing himself again, in full view of everybody in the pub.
The landlord runs over and yells "OI!! I told you about that before. I thought you said you were completely cured?"
The chap replies...
"I am, I'm not shy at all now."
Stan
Soldato
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Is there an option on this forum somewhere to remove excessive pointless line breaks?Bigstan said:The chap replies...
"I am, I'm not shy at all now."
Stan
Tina wants a tatoo,and thinks a butterfly on her behind would be kinda cool.She goes to the tattoist,but on her request the tattoist is a bit hesitant.He ums and ahs for a bit before admitting that hes tried doing butterflies before,and never really got them to look any good - he prefers doing bigger stuff,and the only small things he does really well are bees.Ok says Tina,bees are kinda cute too,but as they are so small i'd better have 2,one on each cheek.
That night she decides to do a dramatic 'unveiling' of her new tatto for her boyfriend.After dinner she pops to the bedroom and puts on her just her sexiest neglige,then walks provacatively towards her boyfriend and as she nears him she turns and gently pulls up her neglige .
Her boyfiend is speechless,just staring openmouthed at her behind
'well,what do you think?' asks Tina ,a little dissapointed with his reaction
'OK,who the **** is Bob'
That night she decides to do a dramatic 'unveiling' of her new tatto for her boyfriend.After dinner she pops to the bedroom and puts on her just her sexiest neglige,then walks provacatively towards her boyfriend and as she nears him she turns and gently pulls up her neglige .
Her boyfiend is speechless,just staring openmouthed at her behind
'well,what do you think?' asks Tina ,a little dissapointed with his reaction
'OK,who the **** is Bob'
- Joined
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So far I haven't got any of these jokes either 
Well I got the bee one but didn't particularly find it funny.
BB x
Well I got the bee one but didn't particularly find it funny.
BB x
A man had a son, his only son who he loved and cherished very much. His son was born deformed, he had no torso, no legs, and no arms, he was just a head.
The man did his best to bring his son up to be a good person and they were a very close family.
On the sons 18th birthday, the man took him to a bar to buy him his very first pint. He lifted him up onto the stool and held the pint to his mouth. Once the son took a gulp of the beer, within seconds he magically sprouted a torso. Everyone was amazed at this miracle. The man gave his son another drink nad out popped a pair of arms. Again, everyone was amazed.
The son used his arms and started knocking back pints like they were going out of fashion. He sprouted a pair of legs but kept on drinking and drinking until he was wasted. HE became so drunk that he stumbled out the door onto the street and into the path of a truck which flattened and killed him.
Everyone was shocked at what had happened. The bar man said, "Tut tut, such a shame, he should have quit while he was a head"
The man did his best to bring his son up to be a good person and they were a very close family.
On the sons 18th birthday, the man took him to a bar to buy him his very first pint. He lifted him up onto the stool and held the pint to his mouth. Once the son took a gulp of the beer, within seconds he magically sprouted a torso. Everyone was amazed at this miracle. The man gave his son another drink nad out popped a pair of arms. Again, everyone was amazed.
The son used his arms and started knocking back pints like they were going out of fashion. He sprouted a pair of legs but kept on drinking and drinking until he was wasted. HE became so drunk that he stumbled out the door onto the street and into the path of a truck which flattened and killed him.
Everyone was shocked at what had happened. The bar man said, "Tut tut, such a shame, he should have quit while he was a head"
Scuzi's joke was the funniest on here so far!!!
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you."
"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help." The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us." "Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios..."
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you."
"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help." The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us." "Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios..."
