Ucas personal statement help

8igdave said:
hows the p.s going?
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Think ive just finished it now, change quite a lot from the first draft. This is it:

The helicopter and fixed wing flying lessons I received for my 18th birthday confirmed my passion in the mechanics of flight. When I was younger I would spend hours building model planes from Lego or kits. These were great fun – but they didn’t fly. I was driven to know what made them seemingly defy the Laws of Nature. I read anything about planes and helicopters I could lay my hands on, and then built my own remote-controlled aircraft.

As my fascination extended to the increasingly sophisticated computers that control modern-day flight, I became frustrated by the lack of speed of our family computer, and used my own savings to build my own computer from scratch. I still remember the sense of achievement when I hit the Power button for the first time and the computer sprang to life.

It was perhaps the desire to apply theory to real life situations that meant I enjoyed the mechanics module of A-level Mathematics, as well as the mechanics and theory in A-level Physics. Physics has always been one of my strongest subjects as it allows me to exercise my inquisitive nature. I naturally enjoy learning and applying science, both proven and theoretical, to problems and how it can be used to explain the workings of the world around us. While mathematics and physics are the main background skills needed for engineering, the increasing importance of computers means that skills learned during my I.C.T. A-level will be essential during a career in engineering.

I was appointed as a Prefect in my final year in senior school, and throughout, my studies have been carefully balanced with rugby and an active social life to ensure I got the most of my school years.

I loved the discipline and controlled aggression of Rugby, as well as the camaraderie of playing as part of a team. As well as turning out in the A-team for my school, I have captained my local club. Keen to share my own love of the game with those younger than me, including my own young cousin, I volunteered to assist coaching mini rugby at my local club. Sometimes, on a cold wet Sunday afternoon, there are a hundred other places I would rather be, but seeing the fun the kids have makes it all worthwhile. My desire to improve my skills has resulted in the completion of several coaching workshops, and plans to complete a Level 1 Certificate in Coaching Rugby Union.

I feel this demonstrates a strong desire and ability to lead, and a desire to throw myself at a challenge and improve my performance. Finding time for all my extra-curricular activities in addition to my school work also meant I needed to improve my time management, which I believe will be vital for succeeding in a tough university course.

My love of a physical challenge has also led me to get involved in the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme. I have completed the Silver award and am in the process of completing the Gold. What surprised me is that in addition to the physical challenges I was expecting, the Scheme has given me the chance to deal with unusual predicaments and work with a variety of people in the local community, including my volunteer work at a local animal sanctuary.

I feel that I am getting closer to my childhood dream of understanding how things fly, and hope to discover how modern materials, techniques and computers will make them fly higher, faster and safer.

I also know that, after the thrill of my first experience flying a helicopter and feeling it respond to my control that, whatever happens, it will not be my last.
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Any advice would be great thanks :)
 
Only breifly skimming as i dont have time to look through it all but i read your first paragraph and your on the right track there but i think it needs rewording and tweeking a bit. Ill get back to you later. have a look at wording it a bit differnt and look at the examples given before on their openings.
 
Include details with the rugby, it sounds like your bull******. Which club do you help coach for, which team did you play for at school etc
 
scott212 said:
Include details with the rugby, it sounds like your bull******. Which club do you help coach for, which team did you play for at school etc
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I disagree. Sport is almost irrelevant, you need to include as much academic stuff and as many interests relevant to the course as possible.
 
p4radox said:
I disagree. Sport is almost irrelevant, you need to include as much academic stuff and as many interests relevant to the course as possible.
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This.

but depends on exactly where you're applying. OP revised application sounds very similar to mine, and I got all offers.
 
Picture the scene; a chalkboard, exercise books, a register, a five year old, and me. Sounds like an average school? Well, not quite. This was my dining-room on a Sunday morning, at age nine, teaching my little sister to tell the time. Even from an early age teaching has been a keen interest of mine. This is reflected in my chosen course. Teaching is not just my chosen it is also a strong passion. Proof of this enthusiasm is offered by the hours accumulated by working in a primary school close to my home. This commenced as a two week work experience placement in year 10. However, it was so enjoyable that I arranged to return for a further months placement after year 12 GCSE’s. Time set aside for a sixth form project known as enrichment, to benefit ourselves and the community, provided an opportunity for me to again return to the same class, one afternoon a week to support the children during PHSE time. This voluntary placement continued through all of year 12, and also year 13, and will continue to do so until the end of the academic year. So far my time in placement has exceeded 500 hours.

My experience taught me not only what it is like to work in a school environment and what it is like working alongside others, with teams of teachers, teaching-assistants, other students and parent helpers. It also taught me key-skills that to me are essential for any work with children. Insight was offered into ways to interact with children; varied approaches to communication and also the need to modify and adapt information rather than just repeat it. A fundamental lesson was how to show authority when it is needed. However, more importantly, the experience allowed me to identify the great need for praise and support, encouragement, and also acceptance of each child. A major realisation was that each child is an individual, even in a group each child has their own particular and individual needs.

This year I was offered responsibility for a small focus group of children who need extra support with their literacy skills. Similarly, time spent working with children with special needs has also shown the wide range of approaches, styles, and techniques that teaching demands. Work involving special needs highlighted the essential factors of patience, support, praise, acceptance, reinforcement and most importantly stamina. University will allow me to develop and further my skills. Time in placement allows me to approach teaching with a more realistic view of the demands, and more importantly the rewards that teaching brings.

This year saw me receive the honour of being elected Head Girl. This brings tremendous responsibility representing not only the sixth form, but the whole school. My role includes organising social events, charity events, and also student and project meetings. Chairing and minuting meetings involving a wide age group encouraged growth of my communication skills, clarity, patience, and use of diplomacy. This year also saw me take up an Open University course in genetics. Despite having no science focus, this allowed me the opportunity to explore independent working in new areas, and also to develop my skills in managing a diverse and time consuming workload. I have a keen interest in all of my A-Levels, however History is where most of my interest lies. Therefore this would be my subject specialism. It would reward me greatly engaging a class and watching their interest mount and hopefully then watching them grow to share a love of the subject.
I have a passion for teaching, and for watching children grow through achievement.

My future lies in the rewarding path that sees children light up through learning and acquiring new skills. My future lies in teaching.





My ucas statement for entry into primary education degree, please do not laugh it was all heart felt and i got in everywhere i applied :D, I'm just coming up to finishing my first year.
 
Hey,

Thanks for the help everyone, though i would update this. I got 5 unconditional offers, will probably be accepting Aeronautical Engineering at loughborough. Got until 5th of July to decide.

thanks
 
Repta said:
Hey,

Thanks for the help everyone, though i would update this. I got 5 unconditional offers, will probably be accepting Aeronautical Engineering at loughborough. Got until 5th of July to decide.

thanks
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Have you already taken your A-levels then, or you just that good!? :D
 
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